Archives For Alan Smyth

You have probably heard the phrase before, “Happy wife, happy life.” The first time I heard this phrase, it was in a comedy sketch where the comedian proceeded to rattle off 20 minutes of hilarious marriage material. His point was to help us guys understand that if we keep our wife happy, our life will be much better. If she is happy, we are happy!

In the context of this Father/Daughter blog which you can subscribe to at www.myfatherdaughter.com this phrase means even more! We get a “two-fer!” There is an opportunity to get more “bang for the buck.” Who among us doesn’t love a great deal whenever we can get one!

special offer In case you missed my blog entry regarding New Year’s Resolutions, I spoke about the three things that young women have spoken about that impacted them greatly. One of those key principles was when they saw their dad loving and respecting their mom in a great way.

Let’s break down the “two-fer”

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If you love, honor and respect your wife, she will generally respond in a likewise manner to you! As we share our emotion, affection, heart, mind and soul with our spouse, she will be freed up to respond in kind, and love us the way we need to be loved in return.

Here is the bang for the buck and the value added. You obviously care about your daughter, your relationship with her and her general well-being. Your daughter arrives in this life with a blank slate. She is learning how everything works. She does this by watching, interacting and exploring life. Her most important classroom for this learning is her home and her biggest teachers are her parents. You as dad, might have the strongest, most powerful voice in your daughter’s life.

Everything your daughter learns about men, dating, how she should be treated, what is acceptable and how worthy she is of respect will first come from you and what she observes at home. So, loving, honoring, and respecting your wife in a great way has a “two-fer” effect.

  1. You get to have a great marriage.
  2. Your daughter learns what to look for and expect in future boyfriends and husband.

My 26 year old daughter Brittany, has contributed a chapter in the book, “Prized Possession.” In her chapter she wrote this:

“After 24 years of watching my dad interact with my mom, I know for sure that he has every quality that I want to find in my future husband. It is because of the amazing example that he has set that I know what I deserve, and I will not settle for anything less. For that, I am extremely grateful.”

I share what she said with great humility. In my mind, I could have done a much better job at being a husband all these years. BUT, what Brittany wrote, unprompted, highlights this concept for me. Your daughter will look for a man using YOU as the lens she looks through. She will know from YOU what is acceptable and attainable. The way YOU love and honor your wife will partly determine the kind of husband (or boyfriend) your daughter looks for. What lessons on love and marriage is your daughter learning YOU?

Today’s Take Away: Take an inventory of how your marriage is doing. Recognize that your daughter, no matter what her age, is watching and absorbing. Ask your wife how you can be a better husband to her.

God bless you in this pursuit friends

Alan Smyth

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Follow us on twitter – “MyFatherDaugher.com” @2cor618

 

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If a tree falls in your driveway and no one is around, does it make a sound?

Last Sunday I had the most interesting and enlightening thing happen. My wife and I were leaving the house and heading to church. As I approached the driveway, the unexpected sight of my 30 foot tree laid across my driveway and onto my car. The ordinarily steady symbol of strength had fallen.

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It took a few seconds for this odd site to register in my brain.  While I have heard of such things happening from time to time, I had never actually seen it up close. MY tree fell on MY car. But why? There was no particular storm the night before. There was no rain (I live in Southern California) There was no obvious reason why that tree should fall.

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After closer examination, I think I found the reason. Upon further review…. The inside of the tree appeared to be infested with termites. The root system had been damaged.

Tree 1

The tree was strong looking on the outside, yet weak on the inside.  This tree gave the perception of strength while lived in the reality of weakness. Thriving in the visible, suffering in the invisible. And great was it’s fall.

How many times have we seen public figures, while appearing strong on the outside, experience a great fall? And upon further review, the interior is always in a weakened state. The roots system is always vulnerable.

Let my fallen tree be a reminder or perhaps a wake-up call to us all! We often spend so much time working on outward appearances that we neglect our inward strength, depth and integrity. Sooner or later a storm always comes. And in the case of my tree, it was so weak on the inside; it didn’t even require much of a storm to cause its fall.

Let’s be strong for our families! Let’s focus on our interior rather than our exterior. Let’s sink deep roots in things that matter. Our daughters need a strong role model and a pillar of strength to look up too. No one is above a fall. Guard your interior. Strengthen your roots and remain strong. Let there be no great fall in your life!

Be Strong!

Alan

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New Year’s Resolution

Alan Smyth —  December 29, 2014 — 2 Comments

If you are like me, you are considering some kind of New Year’s resolution right about now. Even though the stats are against us on those who follow through, I can’t help but think about how I want my 2015 to be different. For me, I’d like to lose a few pounds, read a little more, be more focused on a few things and in general, just get better. It is healthy to look back to evaluate and then look forward to improve.

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As you are considering your New Year’s resolutions, I want to pass along some very important information I gleaned from the many interviews I conducted regarding this Father/Daughter project (website/blog/seminar/book)

I contacted dozens of great young women (post teen age) who seemed to turn out awesome and seem to have a great relationship with their Dads. I asked them “What did your dad do?” “What was good?” “What blessed you?” “What impacted you?” Below I am going to relay to you their top three answers.

The things that real girls (who turned out great) said more than anything else were:

  1. My Dad loved and respected my mom.
  2. My Dad had an authentic faith.
  3. My Dad took me on trips/adventures.

The power behind those three statements is that they came straight from the mouths of great girls who succeeded! They are flourishing out in the real world. They have chosen great husbands who love them well and they are strong independent women of faith & family. Who doesn’t want that for their daughters? I realize that this thing called parenting cannot be put into a formula and there is nothing about it that is predictable. At the end of the day, you can do everything “right” and things can still be tough. Your daughter will still have to make her own choices and likely some of those will differ from yours.

But…. And this is a BIG BUT….. Why would we not consider the successes from those who have gone before us on this important/complicated topic? Real girls have said that their dad loving their mom made a huge impact on them. Real girls said that their dad’s authentic faith made a huge impact on them. Real girls said that their dad taking them on trips made a huge impact on them.

This is like the first day of school when the teacher says, “Ok, here is what is going to be on the test. Study this and you will be ok.” My word to you dads out there for 2014, is “Study this, and you will be ok.” Put these three on top of your list for 2015. Stay tuned to this blog in 2015 as we will certainly unpack and address each of these items in greater detail.

Happy New Year!

Alan Smyth

PS: This content appears in much greater detail in Chapter 8 of the book “Prized Possession” entitled “Do This!” The book is available now. Hit the banner below to purchase.

 

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Merry Christmas!

Alan Smyth —  December 25, 2014 — Leave a comment

Merry Christmas!

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you: he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

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We wish you a very Merry Christmas
Alan, Kristy & Don

(Your blogging team)

 

As a Christmas gift to you, today only, there is a 50% discount at our store. Hit the banner below.  Enter promo code “JESUS” at check out.

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Last February, I wrote a funny little blog regarding the “10 Rules for Dating my Daughter.” It received so much interest, that a ton of Dads started asking for a shirt depicting those 10 Rules. So, for fun, I made a small quantity of those shirts and announced them in an APRIL 1 blog – CLICK HERE TO READ.

The picture ended up going viral on Father’s Day. Since that time, it has been shipped to over 58 countries and my wife now has a little internet business where she sells these shirts to anyone who wants one. It has been fun to see Dads everywhere rally around the concept of protecting their daughter. This shirt has brought Dads further into this important conversation.

People started asking about the “next shirt” and so we came up with the perfect companion shirt. Every dad who bought the “Rules” shirt will also want to pick up this shirt entitled “5 Things you should know about my Dad.” This is a shirt for your Daughter. Think of the two of you wearing these shirts out together! It will be a real conversation piece.

front Wear your shirts together!

Reese

 

On the front it says “Daddy’s Girl” and on the back it lists the “5 Things you should know about my Dad.”

  1. He is a former MMA Champ (Yeah, right!)
  2. He is an excellent Marksman (Probably not)
  3. He has a shovel and a backyard (Maybe)
  4. He has anger issues (hopefully not, but he doesn’t t need to know that)
  5. I am his princess (FOR SURE)

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Helm and nate

This, all on a pink shirt, cut perfectly for girls and available in small sizes. If you want a closer look at the shirt, or you already know you have to have this shirt, visit the online store found at.

www.myfatherdaughter.com

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Let’s keep this important conversation alive as we wear our Father/Daughter T-shirts.  And let’s not confuse the strategy here. It’s not about the shirt and it’s not about the few bucks being made on production. It’s about bringing Dad’s closer into the conversation about being better Dads to their daughters. It’s about gaining more followers to the blog and inspiring Dads to be better for the sake of our girls.

Enjoy

Alan & Sharon Smyth

If you act quickly, there should be enough time for a Christmas delivery!
See our entire collection in our store. Hit the button below!

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juxtaposition
— noun

“an act or instance of placing close together or side by side, especially for comparison or contrast.”

This past weekend I experienced a dramatic example of a “Juxtaposition”. Two “side by side” experiences which demonstrated a stark contrast.

I ran into “Monica” and she offered that she was 50 years old. The topic of conversation was the “Father / Daughter” relationship. She picked up my book, “Prized Possession” and began to tear up. She then volunteered that “my Dad didn’t love me” and talked further about how wounded she was because of it. We spoke about the seminar that Kristy Fox and I have developed aimed at helping Dads be better Dads.

With a distant and hollow stare and tears in her eyes, she said “Do you ever ask Dads why they don’t step up? Why it’s so hard for them to love their daughters?”  It was clear to me that Monica was hurt and wounded. It was clear to me that at 50, she had not yet recovered from the neglect she had experienced from her Dad. She let me know that she was unemployed. I tried to give her a copy of the book, but she wouldn’t or couldn’t accept it.

Here is the Juxtaposition….

After she left, I opened up my Instagram app and as I scrolled down through the pictures, I saw the following post from Hannah. Hannah is the daughter of my good friend Stu (whom I featured in a recent blog) CLICK HERE to read about Stu & Hannah.

hannah graph

Clearly Stu has been the kind of Dad that Monica wished she had. Clearly Hannah is off to the start that Monica never got, yet deserved.

Here is my point ….

Are you aware that your actions and involvement with your daughter today will last her whole lifetime? She will either coast through life off the blessing you give her or she will struggle through life trying to heal from the wound you leave her.

If you are more like Stu, great job! Way to go! Keep it up!
If you are more like Monica’s Dad, busy, distracted and selfish…. Wake up! Take your eyes off yourself, re engage in your family!

It’s important…. Really, really important for the girls in your life.

Engage Maverick!

Alan

 

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