Archives For Alan Smyth

Real Talk

Alan Smyth —  May 22, 2017 — Leave a comment

In our book Prized Possession, we compiled a number of voices to form one strong message. We hear from Dad’s who have done it well and Daughters who have been loved well from great Dad’s. They both have a great perspective to learn from. Additionally, in between each chapter we insert a few nuggets entitled “Real Talk.” In our “Real Talk” segments, we hear from a variety of young women who vulnerably share a brief thought from their perspective.

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Between chapter 2 and chapter 3, we find this section of “Real Talk”

Real Talk

“As society and culture takes its toll on girls today, girls begin to lose a sense of their own value. It’s a painful loss and often leads to a search for painkillers. Alcohol and drugs are often used to numb the pain. Girls compromise their God-given value to meet the expectations of boys who can’t possibly understand the beautiful treasures God has created them to be. “If I only give my boyfriend what he wants,” they think, “then I’ll matter. I’ll be something, I’ll belong.” The problem is, such a pattern reduces a girl to her ability to perform and her willingness to have sex. Such a degradation of her identity will act as a huge wall against her understanding of who God has created her to be and the value He, as her Father, has placed on her life.”

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Here is what I heard from the young lady who shared her “Real Talk.”

  • It’s hard being a girl
  • Girls are de-valued
  • There is pain we seek to numb
  • We compromise for the sake of a boy’s approval
  • I want to matter and belong
  • We are reduced to our performance
  • Our understanding of who God made us to be is under attack

 A pretty strong message indeed. As Dad’s, we need to not only be aware of how many of our girls think in this regard, but we need to be willing to have a strong counter cultural message  against these lies. We are in a battle every day for the wholeness of our kids. Dads are needed to be present and engaged more than ever.

We would love to send you a copy of our book. It has all kinds of inspiring and equipping messages from a variety of voices. You can pick it up from our website. CLICK HERE.

Stay at it Guys!

Alan

 

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In the summer of 1991 I might have received the most powerful bit of advice I have ever had. As a Young Life leader, I have taken kids to dozens of Young Life camps. Among all the fun, adventure and humor resides a powerful Gospel proclamation. We usher kids into significant life altering conversations.

1991 was a year that I took kids from Gunderson High School in San Jose to camp. We had a bus full of high school kids ready to have the best week of their life. As the first “club” meeting concluded on the first night, the camp speaker asked a series of questions. Among the questions were those regarding families. One of the questions was “what is something you wish you could change about your family?” Every single girl from the club I led answered the same. They said that their relationship with their dad was the thing they most wish they could change.

I was blown away. My own daughter was only 3 at the time and I couldn’t imagine not having a great relationship with her. I couldn’t imagine not being connected and in relationship with her when she was in high school. At the end of the week, I was determined to get more information. I knew these girls pretty well and so I gathered them together on the bus ride home. I started drilling them with all kinds of questions about their relationship with their dad. I told them that I wanted to make sure that in 15 years, I would have a great relationship with my Brittany. I needed to know what I should do and not do.

These girls said that I needed to stay engaged with her. They encouraged me to stay close no matter what. They were honest in saying that they were brats at times and sometimes pushed their dad’s away. However, they said even if Brittany pushes me away, DON’T GIVE UP! Keep pushing. Stay close even if she is a brat. They told me that even if my daughter said otherwise, that she needed me and will need me even more as she grew older.

That was all I needed to fuel the next 15 years in my relationship with my daughter. I was determined to start while she was young and stay close throughout her adolescence. No matter what…… I was not giving up.

Today’s take away: Don’t give up! Start now; stay close, even if she pushes you away. Or perhaps has already pushed you away. Maybe you have already considered yourself OUT. Forget it! Get back in the game. Get close to your daughter. Start small if you have too. Don’t give up!

See our website: www.myfatherdaughter.com for helpful resources and to subscribe to this blog.

Don’t give up!

Alan

 

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Today we celebrate the anniversary of the following blog. Surprisingly it went viral after Father’s Day.  We were then flooded with interest for T-shirts. Dads have been sending in pictures of themselves, in their shirts along with their daughters from all over the world. We have been posting some of them on our facebook page entitled “Myfatherdaughter.com” Many more people are now following this blog. This light hearted shirt is bringing thousands of Dads further into the important conversation of their role with their daughter. Take a look and join us!

 

On February 18th, I wrote a funny little blog about the “rules for dating my daughter.” I chuckled as I wrote it and never dreamed how much buzz it would receive. Through the magic of Social Media, it was by far the most read, passed around and commented on blog in the life of this little project. The concept of a Dad issuing his ground rules for dating his daughter seemed to unite the entire tribe of Fathers! I’m guessing those rules are what all of us have been thinking but didn’t think we could actually ever say it. In case you missed the February 18th blog or would just like to refresh yourself, go ahead and click HERE to see it again.

Some of the feedback I received was around the actual rules. I heard things like “Who is making the T-shirt?” “I need that shirt” and “Dear God, get me that shirt.” Now, I am not in the apparel business. I’m not even in the blogging business. I am a Young Life Regional Director trying to reach lost kids in LA. It just so happens that due to my experience as a Young Life leader and as a parent, I might have a thing or two to say about being a Dad.

In an effort to give the people what they are clamoring for, I have made these shirts depicting the “10 Rules for Dating my Daughter.” There are also a few other fun shirts in the same theme on our store.

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(Contents of “Rules” T-shirt protected under applicable copyright laws)

I’m pretty sure this is how Nike got started, but my goals are not quite as lofty. At first I made a few dozen shirts and gave a few away. Now I am selling them to whoever wants one. The cost is $19.95 per shirt (more for bigger sizes) Then add shipping & handling of course. It’s a heavy cotton shirt. No sheer, light gauge material for me. Real men wear heavy T-shirts!

 

If you want a shirt or two, visit our online store. Click the button below:

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This whole thing is funny to me!

Have Fun!

Alan Smyth

Check out our book desinged to help Dads

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PS: Below Stu Graff has already found a great use for his shirt. He pinned it to his front door while his daughter was out on a date.

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Marches & Royalty

Alan Smyth —  January 22, 2017 — 4 Comments

This past Saturday I was surprised and saddened by all that I saw. I was somewhat aware that there was a women’s march being organized. However, I had no idea the scope of what was about to unfold. I had no idea how many were gathering in so many cities across our land. I heard one estimate that there could have been as many as 4 million participating around the country.

womens march

I don’t pretend to fully understand all the emotions that were bursting out everywhere. I have lived my entire life through the male view finder. While living the past 32 years along side my wife and the last 28 years along side my daughter, I am still hopelessly male and therefore unable to see and feel all that is out there to be seen and felt.  Certainly the recent remarks on the record from our new President are brutal, degrading and unacceptable. However, I get the sense there is much more going on here.

It is obvious how women are viewed and depicted by some men and much of the entertainment and media industry. For those who are feeling this assault now, more than ever, I have a message for you. In no way do I attempt to minimize or over simplify the pain you feel over the objectification you have endured. I simply offer some hope to cling to in the midst of the storm you find yourself in.

My message to you: YOU ARE ROYALTY

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Let me say it again…… YOU ARE ROYALTY

Here in America, we don’t fully understand what that means. In the UK, the Royal family has a long tradition of being a big deal. When a Royal shows up, people stop, bow and take pictures. A band starts playing and media shows up. Forget it if one of them gets married. The entire country stops, if not the entire world. They are a symbol of strength, power, position, nobility and class. Did you know that these words are what describes YOU?

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What? Is this not how you feel? Is this not how you are treated? Facts & feelings are often different. Let me share with you the facts of the matter.

  1. The God of the universe is referred to as King and His creation is His Kingdom.
  2. In scripture, Jesus has been known to refer to women as “daughter.”
  3. In the monarchy, what is a daughter of the King called…..?

What? The sleeping beauty, song singing, Disney style Princess not your jam? How about the Warrior Princess, light saber wielding, fighting for whats right, saving the universe kind of princess? Pick whatever image you resonate with….. The important thing is that you understand your place in God’s kingdom and in God’s heart. It’s a place of honor.

warrior princess

 

YOU are royalty. An heir to the Kingdom! But it gets better. You are not a Princess (and eventual Queen) of an Island country in Europe. You are royalty to be celebrated in the universe for all time. It’s a big deal when you show up. You are a picture of class, power, position and nobility. When you show up, the angels pause. You are a big deal to God. He is crazy about you and your worth comes from Him. Value is always established by the maker. God is your maker and he says you are priceless, valuable and sacred. PERIOD!

If your value comes from God, no human can take it away. No words, songs, pictures or people can change your worth.

 

My challenge to you: Live like you know this is true and step into your rightful place in the universe.

I have spoken this message over and over to rooms full of adolescent girls. Without fail, eyes fill with tears because they have never heard that before and their soul is longing to be valued as it was created to be. I have also experienced that there is no expiration date on women needing to hear this. This message is never out grown. We all need to be reminded of our God given worth. And at this time in history, I feel there are millions of women of all ages who especially need this reminder today.

Live like you believe it and pay no attention to those who don’t also treat you that way! (Pay no attention in terms of gaining your self worth, value & purpose) I would still expect a bunch of strong women to rise up and demand better from men)

You are loved and valued

Alan

PS: Men please speak this message to your daughters and the women in your life.

 

 

 

Click the banner below if you want to pick up our book for Dad’s who have daughters. It is available in soft cover, hard cover and e-book.

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New Year’s Resolution

Alan Smyth —  January 2, 2017 — 4 Comments

If you are like me, you are considering some kind of New Year’s resolution right about now. Even though the stats are against us on those who follow through, I can’t help but think about how I want my 2017 to be different. For me, I’d like to lose a few pounds, read a little more, be more focused on a few things and in general, just get better. It is healthy to look back to evaluate and then look forward to improve.

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As you are considering your New Year’s resolutions, I want to pass along some very important information I gleaned from the many interviews I conducted regarding this Father/Daughter project (website/blog/seminar/book)

I contacted dozens of great young women (post teen age) who seemed to turn out awesome and seem to have a great relationship with their Dads. I asked them “What did your dad do?” “What was good?” “What blessed you?” “What impacted you?” Below I am going to relay to you their top three answers.

The things that real girls (who turned out great) said more than anything else were:

  1. My Dad loved and respected my mom.
  2. My Dad had an authentic faith.
  3. My Dad took me on trips/adventures.

The power behind those three statements is that they came straight from the mouths of great girls who succeeded! They are flourishing out in the real world. They have chosen great husbands who love them well and they are strong independent women of faith & family. Who doesn’t want that for their daughters? I realize that this thing called parenting cannot be put into a formula and there is nothing about it that is predictable. At the end of the day, you can do everything “right” and things can still be tough. Your daughter will still have to make her own choices and likely some of those will differ from yours.

But…. And this is a BIG BUT….. Why would we not consider the successes from those who have gone before us on this important/complicated topic? Real girls have said that their dad loving their mom made a huge impact on them. Real girls said that their dad’s authentic faith made a huge impact on them. Real girls said that their dad taking them on trips made a huge impact on them.

This is like the first day of school when the teacher says, “Ok, here is what is going to be on the test. Study this and you will be ok.” My word to you dads out there for 2017 is “Study this, and you will be ok.” Put these three on top of your list for 2017. Stay tuned to this blog in 2017 as we will certainly unpack and address each of these items in greater detail.

Happy New Year!

Alan Smyth

PS: This content appears in much greater detail in Chapter 8 of the book “Prized Possession” entitled “Do This!” The book is available now. Hit the banner below to purchase.

 

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Hey, I also have a Son

Alan Smyth —  November 14, 2016 — Leave a comment

Last week I heard some feeback from someone who read our book “Prized Possession.” He said that he loved the book and found it very helpful and encouraging. He relayed two questions to me through our mutual friend. He said:

1. The guy who wrote the book (ME) only has one daughter. I have two. How do I do all the trips and things with more than one daughter?

2. The guy who wrote the book (Again, ME) has a son. I’d like to know how he handled all the extra attention he gave his daughter concerning his son.

I will address the multiple daughter scenario in a later blog. This week, I will briefly speak on the dynamic of also having a son.

If you have taken the time to examine our website found at www.myfatherdaughter.com you may have stumbled across the “About” page where my bio is found along with a couple of family pictures. I have had the honor to raise one of each kind. My awesome daughter Brittany is now 28 and thriving in downtown Los Angeles. However, I do have a son as well. “Trevor” is 24 and and about to graduate from Azusa Pacific. The first half of his college career was spent as a student at the United States Naval Academy. He was recruited there to play football.

at football game

 

So here is how I handled my desire to give my daughter special and intentional attention as she grew up. Brittany is 4.5 years older than Trevor. So when we had the first FATHER/DAUGHTER GET AWAY, he was just a new born. He was oblivious to my special actions with my daughter for several years. However, the day came when he began to understand that Brittany and I were going away overnight and doing fun stuff together.

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He started asking about his “get away.” At about 4 years old, he was wondering when he and I would go do fun stuff together. I couldn’t very well keep taking Brittany on fun outings and not do the same thing for him. So it began…. The “Father/Son Get Away.” The same principle’s continued. We brainstormed things to do that would be fun for HIM. It is not the specifics that matter that much. It is the principle of spending one-on-one time with your kids that is magical. We went to baseball games, camping, amusement parks and snow-boarding.

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So the answer is pretty uncomplicated as it turns out. Your son needs intentional and concentrated time from you as well. It might look different than your daughter’s time, but it is every bit as important. I encourage you to pick up our book “Prized Possession.” In chapter 3, I go into the assault on our girls. The truth is that there is a full scale war being waged in the media and entertainment industry for the hearts and actions of our boys as well. They are targets and they MUST have a trusted older male in their lives to guide them to the path of authentic man hood. As strongly as I can urge you to love and protect your daughter, I want to urge you to guide and train your young boy in the ways of life, women and work. My son’s life verse which he got from a Father/Son group we did with two buddies is 2 Timothy 4:7-8. Look it up! Based on the verse, he tattooed “FIGHT, FAITH, FINISH” on his side.

Press on

Alan

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