Archives For kristyfox

Great Video

kristyfox —  November 7, 2017 — Leave a comment

My daughter showed me this video this week – it’s worth watching and sharing. The world tells our girls a message that they are not enough. This video shares a different message. Check it out.

– Krisy Fox

Be A Bridge-Builder

kristyfox —  January 18, 2017 — Leave a comment

bridge

I met with a young woman in her early 20s this month. Her words have stuck in my head. She said “I had a pretty strained relationship with my dad – because of that I am needing to learn what it looks like to have an actual relationship with my Heavenly Father . I never learned to be real, honest, vulnerable and open with my own father – because of that it is tough for me to learn what that looks like with God and others.”

Your daughter is watching you more than you may know. Your words and your actions speak volumes to her.

This is not meant to make you feel guilty, or pressured, like a failure, or like the job ahead of you as a dad is impossible. To the contrary, I would love to encourage you that it is not too late to try. What was so very interesting to hear as she continued to speak was the desire within her to reconnect with her dad, to renew that relationship, to engage and not just ignore it or walk the other way. She was very willing not just to forgive her father for some of the lapses in his parenting but also to be the one to want to help build the bridge to reconnection. If it seems like you have missed it in parenting – it’s not too late. Help build that bridge!

Kristy

Today is the day to start habits for the New Year! What about starting a habit with your daughter this year that will could be fun, engaging, and maybe help start some good conversations?

Women tend to feel like they really know someone if they themselves feel “known” in that relationship. I saw this several years ago as I supervised some college gals for a month at a Young Life camp. I would spend time with them where they worked, play games with them, hang out with them and I thought I was doing a pretty good job building relationships. I also had a couple of one-on-one times to talk about life and really try and hear from them. Well, at the end of the month I received the evaluations they had filled out on their experience. Many of the girls had said that I didn’t spend time getting to know them and wished I had done that more. My initial reaction was… are you kidding me! I was with you all of the time – what do they mean they didn’t have enough time with me? And then it hit me…. I think many girls don’t see it as time spent with them if they are in a crowd, busy doing things, or not having intentional conversations. Honestly, I needed some help on this, because that is not necessarily how I am wired. So, I became good at asking questions. I ask girls lots of questions!

talk bubbles

Many years ago with my small group of high school girls, I began asking them to share their “pows”(low point) and “wows” (best thing) for the week. This simple statement “let’s do pows and wows” has been huge. It helps girls have a way to dive in to conversation together, a way to be heard, and a glimpse into their heart.

We have done it also as a family for years at dinner time or in the car. We just say “pows and wows” and the kids know exactly what we mean. Try it. It opens up lots of conversation. It may be awkward at first for your older daughter, but you don’t want to be like me… thinking you had done a good job and then hearing your daughter’s “evaluation” that you were nice and fun, but never really got to know her.

Blessings on your journey,

Kristy Fox

A Free Thanksgiving Gift!

kristyfox —  November 23, 2016 — Leave a comment

I have  been in multiple conversations with young women and have been struck by their need for affirmation to come from the male figures in their life. So many girls try hard to earn the affirmation of their fathers. And, many girls never feel like they can live up to their father’s expectations or feel like they can “get it right”. My husband is a coach and he heard a statistic – a kid needs 10 positives for every negative thing said. Not sure about you, but my ratio isn’t always that good.

I think we tend to assume people know we are thankful for them or that we appreciate things they do, but we need to actually tell them!

It got me thinking… I hold back words of affirmation and thanksgiving too often. I tend to be critical far more than I am thankful and affirming. I tend to assume people know I appreciate them but I often don’t say it. I should give life giving words far more freely. Dads, I implore you to do the same. You have life-giving words for your daughter within you that often go unspoken. Please know that she is craving those. It may be uncomfortable for you – that’s ok, please still try it – typically the best things we do are a bit uncomfortable at first!

In some of the girl’s groups I have been a part of we have passed around papers with someone’s name on it. We then pass these around and everyone writes words of thanks and affirmations on the paper for that person. Girls have shown me papers they have saved for years and that they treasure! How cool would that be for them to have something like that from their dad? Something that can remind them of the love you have for them, something they can treasure and pull out when they need it, something that can remind them of how they should be treated by a future spouse or boyfriend.

It’s possible that the best gifts we have for one another don’t cost us anything!

Here’s the idea:

– Write a list of 10 specific things you are thankful for about your daughter (if she is too little to read, write it anyway and put it in a box for her so she can read them when she’s older )and put the list somewhere she will see it on Thanksgiving – her mirror, her dinner plate, her door, etc!

Stop. Grab a piece of paper right now. And do it!

2 Minutes of your time could be a life-long treasure for your daughter!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Kristy Fox

Interesting blog post I came across with some encouraging words to you dads!

Enjoy—- Kristy

CLICK ON THIS LINK FOR BLOG POST:    Why There is a Great Need for Great Dads

 

Father and son testing a paper plane

 

plate

Not long ago I had a high school girl tell me how much she missed the dates that she and her dad used to go on when she was little. Life had gotten busy and hectic and dad probably thought she wasn’t interested anymore now that she was 18 and had her own boyfriend. Not true!

Dads – I challenge you to take time in the next month to go on a purposeful date with your daughter. Plan a meal out for the 2 of you and while you are waiting for your order have fun with some questions for each other. You can use the lists below or come up with your own.  I had a dad tell me recently that he did this with his daughter and they both loved it.    Simple – you can even just print this list and bring it to dinner 🙂

 

10 ?’s for dad to ask daughter:

1) If you could do anything in one day – what would your day look like?

2) What is one thing I should know about you that maybe I don’t?

3) What has been the best day of your life so far and why?

4) What is one thing you wish I did with you more often and why?

5) How do you think we are similar?

6) How do you think we are different?

7) What is one thing you wish I didn’t do?

8) What do you want to be when you grow up and why?

9) How can I be a better dad to you?

10) What is your favorite movie and why?

 

10 Questions for daughter to ask dad:

1) When you were young what did you want to be when you grew up?

2) What was the hardest thing for you when you were my age?

3) What is your favorite movie of all time and why?

4) What is your favorite memory of growing up?

5) How were things different when you grew up?

6) What do you think is the most important thing a parent can teach a child?

7) How do you think we’re similar?

8) How do you think we’re different?

9) What made you fall in love with mom?

10) What do you like about your job?

 

Have fun with these and hopefully this can be a springboard for many conversations to come 🙂

 

Kristy

 

PS – we have a book of fun challenges like this one in a handbook called “30 Day Challenge” you can find in the store.

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