Most guys understand competing. We tend to keep score and keep track of our standing and rank in lots of different places and lots of different ways. We tend to do it openly and directly. As a group, men are much more likely to add up their respective wins and losses and go on their way. Our daughters will have to navigate more than Competition. They will have to face and battle Comparison. Competition is a scorecard on my performance. Comparison is a verdict on my value, and the jury is always out
Alisa Keeton is a good friend and Ministry Leader. She founded Revelation Wellness and writes a great blog on health, fitness and freedom. Her recent Post on “Comparison” reflects a real tension that many of our daughters will be working out in their own lives.
I read a quote the other day that said, “Comparison is a violent act against oneself.”
Dang. Truth. Ouch.
Here’s the deal. If you are a woman, with air in your lungs, you have suffered from this debilitating disease called comparison. It’s gross. It’s heavy and ill fitting. It lurks around nearly every corner for every woman alive. It gives reason for why Jesus would tell us to armor up, for it is one of the enemy’s greatest schemes.
Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. – Ephesians 6:11
Comparison recently shot a new hook into my heart. So here I am, ready to confess it and keep my freedom. And maybe, just maybe, someone else will get free too.
As a young girl I can remember looking at tall, blonde hair, blue eyed all American kind of girls and thinking to myself “I’m screwed.” My 5 ft. 1 inch (on a good day) athletic bodied and ethnic featured self didn’t stand a chance. I wasted some of my younger years trying to become someone I could never be. Eventually my rebellious nature kicked in and I chose to fight back against the status quo. I began a radical embrace of who I was on the outside; not even realizing there was an inside to deal with. Right about this time I leaned into making my body into the shrine I knew it could be. It got so crazy that I even elected myself to go up against 10-12 other women, who have spent countless hours in the gym, shellacked themselves with brown paint, haven’t eaten real food for days, all wearing bathing suits, posing half naked before a panel of mostly men, just so I could have a chance at “winning” the comparison game. (Read more at revelationwellnesss.org)
Alisa’s story goes on to a good ending. The battle against Comparison is far from over. How is your daughter doing in this battle? Who does she compare herself to? Ask her. What verdict is she hearing and believing about her place in this world. Keep asking questions, keep listening, and keep showing up.
Grace and Peace,
Dr. Don Worcester