Don’t Give Up The Ship!

Alan Smyth —  May 8, 2017 — 2 Comments

In the summer of 1991 I might have received the most powerful bit of advice I have ever had. As a Young Life leader, I have taken kids to dozens of Young Life camps. Among all the fun, adventure and humor resides a powerful Gospel proclamation. We usher kids into significant life altering conversations.

1991 was a year that I took kids from Gunderson High School in San Jose to camp. We had a bus full of high school kids ready to have the best week of their life. As the first “club” meeting concluded on the first night, the camp speaker asked a series of questions. Among the questions were those regarding families. One of the questions was “what is something you wish you could change about your family?” Every single girl from the club I led answered the same. They said that their relationship with their dad was the thing they most wish they could change.

I was blown away. My own daughter was only 3 at the time and I couldn’t imagine not having a great relationship with her. I couldn’t imagine not being connected and in relationship with her when she was in high school. At the end of the week, I was determined to get more information. I knew these girls pretty well and so I gathered them together on the bus ride home. I started drilling them with all kinds of questions about their relationship with their dad. I told them that I wanted to make sure that in 15 years, I would have a great relationship with my Brittany. I needed to know what I should do and not do.

These girls said that I needed to stay engaged with her. They encouraged me to stay close no matter what. They were honest in saying that they were brats at times and sometimes pushed their dad’s away. However, they said even if Brittany pushes me away, DON’T GIVE UP! Keep pushing. Stay close even if she is a brat. They told me that even if my daughter said otherwise, that she needed me and will need me even more as she grew older.

That was all I needed to fuel the next 15 years in my relationship with my daughter. I was determined to start while she was young and stay close throughout her adolescence. No matter what…… I was not giving up.

Today’s take away: Don’t give up! Start now; stay close, even if she pushes you away. Or perhaps has already pushed you away. Maybe you have already considered yourself OUT. Forget it! Get back in the game. Get close to your daughter. Start small if you have too. Don’t give up!

See our website: www.myfatherdaughter.com for helpful resources and to subscribe to this blog.

Don’t give up!

Alan

 

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Alan Smyth

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I have been married to Sharon for 29 years. We have two kids, Brittany (25) and Trevor (21) I have been a Young Life leader for over 30 years and currently serve as the Regional Director for Young Life in Los Angeles. I have a passion for my family and have learned a few things along the way.

2 responses to Don’t Give Up The Ship!

  1. I love this! Thanks for encouraging dads to stay in the fight. I’m a middle school pastor (without any kids yet) and just can’t imagine how dads must feel when their daughters start to seemingly ‘push’ them away. What kinds of things did you do when your daughter was in a ‘pushing you away’ moment?

  2. I think part of it had to do with dads not knowing how to connect with their daughters if there was no shared interests. It is easy to connect with the sons over shared interest of cars and sports but difficult with daughter’s who are not interested in those things.
    And yes I know I just stereotyped big time with my statement and I am sure that there are other factors as well.

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