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In the summer of 1991 I might have received the most powerful bit of advice I have ever had. As a Young Life leader, I have taken kids to dozens of Young Life camps. Among all the fun, adventure and humor resides a powerful Gospel proclamation. We usher kids into significant life altering conversations.

1991 was a year that I took kids from Gunderson High School in San Jose to camp. We had a bus full of high school kids ready to have the best week of their life. As the first “club” meeting concluded on the first night, the camp speaker asked a series of questions. Among the questions were those regarding families. One of the questions was “what is something you wish you could change about your family?” Every single girl from the club I led answered the same. They said that their relationship with their dad was the thing they most wish they could change.

I was blown away. My own daughter was only 3 at the time and I couldn’t imagine not having a great relationship with her. I couldn’t imagine not being connected and in relationship with her when she was in high school. At the end of the week, I was determined to get more information. I knew these girls pretty well and so I gathered them together on the bus ride home. I started drilling them with all kinds of questions about their relationship with their dad. I told them that I wanted to make sure that in 15 years, I would have a great relationship with my Brittany. I needed to know what I should do and not do.

These girls said that I needed to stay engaged with her. They encouraged me to stay close no matter what. They were honest in saying that they were brats at times and sometimes pushed their dad’s away. However, they said even if Brittany pushes me away, DON’T GIVE UP! Keep pushing. Stay close even if she is a brat. They told me that even if my daughter said otherwise, that she needed me and will need me even more as she grew older.

That was all I needed to fuel the next 15 years in my relationship with my daughter. I was determined to start while she was young and stay close throughout her adolescence. No matter what…… I was not giving up.

Today’s take away: Don’t give up! Start now; stay close, even if she pushes you away. Or perhaps has already pushed you away. Maybe you have already considered yourself OUT. Forget it! Get back in the game. Get close to your daughter. Start small if you have too. Don’t give up!

See our website: www.myfatherdaughter.com for helpful resources and to subscribe to this blog.

Don’t give up!

Alan

 

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This project exists to empower and encourage Dads who have Daughters. If you are reading this, you are aware of our blog and other resources found at www.myfatherdaughter.com. Make sure you are subscribed to our blog from our website so that you get our posts e-mailed to you. Additionally we have produced a book entitled “Prized Possession” which represents a chorus of voices. In short, it is a road map for how to raise your daughter. Don’t forget our store found on our website where a number of fun T-shirts are for sale to lighten the mood. We also have all the Social Media accounts on Twitter, facebook, Instagram and Periscope which we use to celebrate great dads and share nuggets of wisdom.

One of the most fun and impactful things we do however is deliver a two hour live seminar aimed at Dad’s who have daughters. We call this seminar “Prized Possession” because it loosely follows our book of the same title. We have delivered this seminar to thousands of Dads and it has been very well received each time.

We have produced a brief highlight video of our seminar. Please YouTube Preview Image

 

We would love to be invited into your community and deliver this seminar!

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“Perfect, Amazing, Awesome. You both did an awesome job.”

“I feel empowered leaving here today. Opened my eyes to women’s battles”

Alan

“Enlightening, insightful, great practical advice”

“Thought provoking, informative & eye opening”

Kristy

“Great ideas on how to be a better dad.”

“It was an eye opener to the reality of all the attacks my daughter receives daily.”

Rusty

“I feel more empowered and motivated to be the best father I can be.”

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We have heard feedback like this every time we have held this seminar. Shoot us an e-mail if your church or school wants to book this seminar at: alan@myfatherdaughter.com

We’re here to help!

Alan

 

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I am grateful for my DVR. There are a few shows that I “DVR” and then watch later. It’s a good use of my time because I can buzz through commercials as well as the dribble in between the stuff I care about in the show.

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American Idol is one of the shows that I “DVR”. But, I really can’t watch every minute. I usually watch the recorded version later and skip the stuff I don’t care about…. Which is most of it. However, I do follow some of the singers and marginally root for some of them. I called Angie Miller as the winner about a month ago. We’ll see.

I just watched this week’s results show via my DVR. Amber Holcomb was sent home. The point of this blog entry is what I saw in the last 30 seconds of the show.

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The back story is that in previous weeks, the camera has focused on her dad in the audience while she has been singing. In particular, the night before, they showed big alligator tears running down his cheeks as she was singing beautifully. You could see the pride in his daughter written all over his face and in his emotion. He has been present every week and he has been cheering his daughter on in her victory every week. Easy! His daughter is achieving at a high level. Easy to cheer! Easy to be present!

However, this week she lost. She was sent home and heartbroken. As she sang for the final time after learning of her demise, the camera panned the other contestants who won. They all had the obligatory tears as they were preparing to say Good bye to their friend. Or perhaps, they were just overjoyed that they didn’t lose.

The last 20 seconds of the telecast are what prompted me to turn on my computer and start typing. As Amber was finishing her final song, Ryan Seacrest went into the audience and brought her Dad onto the stage. They watched Amber finish her song together. When she concluded, her Dad walked out onto the stage and embraced his daughter in her emotional moment of defeat. The camera scanned the various players and the judges were crying right along with Amber, the contestants and her Dad as they embraced. It was actually quite touching.

It struck me that Amber’s Dad was very present in his daughter’s victory as well as her defeat. 

It’s easy to show up when your daughter is getting a lot of playing time or exposure in her chosen activity. But, are you present when she sits on the bench? Are you present when she is not in the spotlight?

The question I have for you today. Are you PRESENT? Period! Are you present in victory to share the celebration? Are you present in defeat to console the loss? Are you PRESENT??

Cancel something this week and be more present! It’s not that hard, but it will make a huge impact.

Press on

Alan

On June 15, Kristy and I will conduct a two hour, interactive, live seminar at Real Life Church in Valencia. We would love to see you and your friends there. Click the banner below to get more information and get signed up.

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Below is a sneak peek at the cover of the soon to be released book entitled Prized Possession. It should be available approximately June 1. More detals coming soon.

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Celebrate each moment

kristyfox —  December 26, 2012 — Leave a comment

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I love the Christmas season – I now begin the countdown to next year!  

This year as I looked at the Christmas ornaments we put on the tree, I realized just how fast my little ones are growing. I realized this was the first year of no family picture with Santa Clause.   My daughter didn’t ask for a doll this year, or any toys… she wanted perfume and tickets to a concert instead.   We still enjoy the surprises and fun in Christmas – but it definitely feels like we are moving from one stage of life to the next.

As I was thinking about time going by so quickly, I read the following prayer from a book I had in my bookshelf titled “Praying the Bible for Your Baby” by Heather Kopp.   It’s been a long time since we’ve had a baby in our home, but I guess I am a bit sentimental. 🙂

This is the prayer – “I Blinked, and She Changed!” from that book

“Heavenly Father, wasn’t it just last week that I brought Baby home from the hospital, dwarfed in an oversized sleeper?  Wasn’t it yesterday that she pursed her lips and smiled at me for the first time?  I remember the first time she turned her head toward me and smiled when I came into the room…

She’s growing so fast – too fast, Lord!  She’s changing, and I’ll never have these moments back.

Your Word reminds me that life is a mist, a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes (James 4:14).  And You say that there is a time for everytihng in our lives (Eccles. 3:1).  But oh how I wish these times with (my little one) could last and last!

Help me to be like Mary, who saved up all her moments with Baby Jesus and later savored them lovingly (Luke 2:9).  Teach me Mary’s wisdom – to gather well and ponder well my (little one’s) gifts!…… Teach me, Lord, to save and celebrate with a grateful heart every moment!

Amen.”

Sometimes I can rush through the day and miss the magic moments in each and every day.   I don’t want to just “get through” the day – I want to learn to celebrate and be grateful for every moment and every stage of my kids’ lives. 

Thank you Lord for the precious gift of our little ones, help us learn to slow down and celebrate the gifts you have entrusted to us.

Kristy Fox

 

heart-of-love-13272337888Z3In the wake of the tragedy this past Friday I have hugged my kids more, tried to slow down a bit, and tried to be more present.   Life is so very fragile and relationships are the things that last.  How is it that I so often miss that? 

I want my kids to know they are loved, really loved.   I often ask myself how I can do that most effectively.   I am a task oriented, list person.   I want a “technique”, a “tool” or a “to do list”.   So, what does the Bible say about loving others?  It is not a “to do list”, it is a character list.   It is a list of who we are at our core in our relationships with others.    Below is a section of scripture often quoted in wedding ceremonies.  Your daughter watches how you interact not just with her –  but with your spouse, your co-workers, your friends, acquaintances, and family.  Read this and put your name “dad” in the place of the word “love”.   If you are like me, there will be many spots where it will be hard to insert my name.  I fall very short of displaying love in many arenas.   We are not perfect and thankfully – God’s grace is huge!  Let’s pray that we can be a people, that you can be a dad, who displays, models and encompasses love in these ways to those around us that we love. 

1 Corinthians 13:3-7 (The Message)

“So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.  Love never gives up, Loves cares more for others than for self, Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have, Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first”, Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.”

Love is the best gift you can give.  Love is the best use of your energy.  Love is the key to all relationships!  Your daughter needs to see a man that loves others well………who loves her well!

Merry Christmas!

Kristy Fox

Does your daughter know she is a masterpiece? 

Here are some stats:

–  It is estimated that 50% of 4th grade girls have been on a diet

–  Dove reports that 90% of women 15-64 worldwide want to change at least 1 aspect of physical appearance with body weight being the highest

–  67% – 2/3 of women withdraw from engaging in life activities because they feel bad about themselves.   Apparently, more than half of us women don’t do things because we don’t like who we are!

Some women and girls around you may not be living fully because they may be paralyzed by their thoughts and held captive by their insecurities and negative self-talk. We compare ourselves to the ‘standard’ or ‘ideal’ that the world around us has set and when we don’t fit that mold we lose confidence, we doubt ourselves, and we don’t live out who we were created to be.  Insecurity has become a silent killer of girls and even older women today.

When we listen to the world around us and not God or others in our life who value us, it is easy to start seeing ourselves for less than what we are and less than what God made us to be, a masterpiece!  

 We are no accident. We are wonderfully made, what a concept!  This is a starting point. Many girls have never thought of themselves as a masterpiece, as a work of beauty, or even as valuable at all.  Their value has been in their accomplishments, their performance, or in the superficial. 

2 Ways to Remind Your Daughter That She is a Masterpiece:

1)   Read the following verse to your daughter, print it out and give it to her, memorize it together, or think of a different way to share this verse with her:   Ephesians 2:10 (For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.)

2)   Download the song from itunes called “You’re Mine” by Carly Escoto for yourself and also for your daughter.   Powerful, and great music to be playing in your daughter’s ears.

Assuming you are a dad reading this, I appreciate and thank you for being willing to be a positive voice in the life of your daughter – she listens to you more than you know! 

Kristy Fox