Archives For father and daughter

Our Job

Alan Smyth —  May 6, 2019 — Leave a comment

As men, we have lots of jobs. Hopefully we are employed and strive to do a good job at work. Providing for our family is a big job! Creating a happy, healthy home for our kids to exist and grow up in is an important job. The list could go on.

Recently I ran across this little blurb. I posted it on our “MyFatherDaughter.com” facebook page because I thought the message was powerful. (btw- have you “liked” our Facebook, Instagram & Twitter yet?) It’s a place where we post lots of pictures, this blog and other fun things.

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This picture makes a very simple, yet profound statement that I couldn’t agree with more. This blog usually focusses on our roles with our daughters. But, let’s not forget that our sons are also growing up in a brutal culture as well. They are the target of an endless assault on authentic masculinity. They are given a daily dose of false manhood and asked to comply with shallow standards of selfishness.

Popular, filthy and degrading song lyrics are offering training to our boys for how they should think about and act upon our daughters. The constant messaging is confusing for our kids. They are inundated with mixed messages of sexuality and poor images of what a healthy man is.

The picture above states perfectly what our job #1 is. And it is twofold.

1. Teach your son what a real man is.

2. Teach your daughter to accept nothing less.

You might have guessed it. All of this starts with YOU.

Some questions for you to consider:

What kind of man are you? Where do you get your marching orders? Who do you emulate? What can your son or daughter learn from you regarding how you treat women? What kind of work ethic do they see in you? Do they learn selfishness from you? Do they see you bow to a higher power and a bigger picture?

Be the kind of man that you want your son to grow into and your daughter to marry!

(Hint: that is already happening, like it or not) Our book “Prized Possession” is full of resources to help you on this journey.

Press On
Alan

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On a previous blog post entitled “10 Rules for Dating my Daughter”  went viral. Through the magic of Social Media, there were literally millions of people from around the world who joined in the conversation. It was by far the most viewed and “shared” blog post so far in the life of this project. In fact lots of people even asked about a shirt with those 10 rules printed on it. So in an effort to give the Dads what they want, we have the now  famous “Rules for Dating my Daughter” T-shirt. We have an online store with lots of other fun products. Check it out HERE.

In case you missed the blog, “10 Rules for Dating my Daughter” post. Click HERE

It was really fun to see Dads around the world unite around this funny little take on daughters beginning to date. I obviously struck a nerve with this topic. It is no surprise to me that Dads of daughters united around this topic. As a follow up blog, I wanted to pass along another handy tool that you may want to use with your daughter’s suitor.

Application for Dating my Daughter

  1. Name_______________ GPA _________________
  2. Athletic Accomplishments ______________________________________
  3. In 50 words or less, explain what “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” means.
  4. I hope this application doesn’t ask ____________________
  5. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
  6. (Over/Under) 25 times having seen Braveheart (If less than 5 times, need not apply!)

Signed _______________________________________

Please allow 4-6 years for processing.

Any contact during the review period could cause a delay.

IN CASE YOU ARE WONDERING, WE HAVE TURNED THIS APPLICATION INTO A SHIRT AS WELL! See our ONLINE STORE.

Also, in case you were wondering, all of this is done in good fun and meant to be kind of an inside joke for Dad’s who have daughters!

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Ok, but seriously…. Here is a brief thought: Most of what your daughter will use to screen a potential boyfriend will be her experience of watching you with your wife. How you treat women will be how she will expect to be treated. You shouldn’t actually need a list of rules or an application if you are doing your part by showing her what a great guy looks like. She will look for someone like you!

Press On

Alan Smyth

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Actions Speak!

Alan Smyth —  March 11, 2019 — Leave a comment

Yes, we should be giving lots of verbal instruction all the time. However let’s not forget the pecking order of impact. The picture below spells it out perfectly.

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Today’s message is a very quick and simple one. Our actions speak much louder than our words. Of course we should relay lots of verbal instruction. Words are important. They are powerful. We should use them intentionally and wisely. However, people will watch our actions to see if our words are trustworthy. You can turn your words into nothing more than a joke with contradictory actions.

This is never truer in the lives of your kids. Live a life of integrity, presence and honor and your kids will listen to what you have to say. Be absent, angry and dis honorable and you will lose your kids. (And wife, friends, family & coworkers)

YOU are the first and best class room your daughter will ever attend. Make sure the lessons you are living out are consistent, life giving and productive.

Another way to say it is:

“Lead always and when necessary use words”

Talk is cheap friends. Your kids are watching even when you don’t think they are! They will follow your example in spite of what you say.

Press On
Alan

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More Real Talk

Alan Smyth —  August 3, 2018 — Leave a comment

In our book Prized Possession, we have inserted some real comments from real girls between chapters which help to shape the importance of this conversation. In a sobering reflection, take a look at what this real life girl said about her Dad.
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Real Talk
“My dad is lazy and absent from my life. Although he is home, he sits around watching TV or doing other things rather than spend time with our family. He only communicates with me when he is mad at me for something I have done. When he knows he has done something that upsets my brother or me, he tries to buy our love back by getting us presents.
He gave me a gift a few months ago that is still sitting in my closet. It’s still wrapped, because
I don’t even care enough to open it. I can’t even look at it because it makes me so angry.”

 

Here is what I hear from this heartbroken young lady:

• Dad is absent, not physically, but emotionally.
• Dad is not engaged with his family.
• Dad does not communicate positively.
• Dad thinks he can buy his kids off to compensate for his own shortcomings.
• Your daughter wants YOU in her life

Learn a lesson from a knucklehead Dad. It’s actually not that hard. Just do the exact opposite of what this Dad is doing and do it consistently!

Be Better!

Alan

You can pick up our book and some other fun stuff from our store. Hit the link below:

 

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Phil Withdraws!

Alan Smyth —  July 16, 2017 — Leave a comment

By any measure, Phil Mickelson is one of the all-time great golfers. AND, of his five “majors” that he has won, the U.S. Open is the only one left to win. That is why the recent breaking news of Phil pulling out of this past U.S. Open is such a big deal.

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Check out Phil’s Wikipedia page and marvel at his golf accolades…. His 42 PGA victories puts him in rarified air for sure.

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Among his 5 major victories, he has won the Masters three times!

** FOR USE AS DESIRED, PHOTOS OF THE DECADE ** FILE - Phil Mickelson celebrates after winning the Masters golf tournament with a nine-under-par at the Augusta National Golf Club in Augusta, Ga., in this April 11, 2004 file photo. (AP Photo/Dave Martin, File)

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Only 8 other men have won more tour events than Phil. This is what he does and he is very good at it. He is in 8th place all time for “Major” wins yet the U.S. Open has eluded him thus far. As he is getting older, one has to wonder why he would withdraw from this important tournament?  Why would he not show up for work that day? Why would he pull a “no show?” How many more opportunities will he have to win a major and especially the coveted U.S. Open?

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One thing that Phil has always stood for is his family. I don’t know the man personally, but he has always projected a strong love for his wife and kids. It is refreshing to see a high-profile athlete with such an obvious love and attention to this family.

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The answer to the riddle of why he pulled out of this year’s U.S. Open is simple…. His family comes first. His daughter’s High School graduation conflicted with his tournament tee time. He chose his daughter over his job that day. He said “no” to a possible huge pay day in favor of his daughter.  He gave up making memories for himself in favor of making memories with his daughter. He gave up the spotlight on himself and placed it on his daughter.

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I’m not sure how difficult of a decision this was for Phil, but I’m guessing not very. I’m guessing this was pretty much a “no brainer.” And that makes me a fan of Phil Mickelson! Thanks Phil for teaching the rest of us what it looks like to value family over career!

Question: When was the last time you have sacrificed something big for the sake of your family? Has your daughter seen you place her needs above your needs lately?

What is your “U.S. OPEN” that you need to walk away from in order to demonstrate your love, commitment and presence in your daughter’s life?

Let’s wrestle with that for a little while….

Press On!

Alan

 

 

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Guest Post by Rachel Karman. Rachel is a good friend & avid blogger about things that matter with a huge heart for the less fortunate. Check out Rachel’s BLOG HERE! You will love the content with always a hint of humor.

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Read below as she shares about her Dad and paints us a picture for what a great Dad looks like.

Not too long ago I went out on a date with a guy that I felt pretty optimistic about, he seemed nice, fairly normal and from what I’d seen, appeared to have a pretty decent sense of humor. After the date when recapping for a friend I explained, “The night was fine, he was nice and everything….but he didn’t open the door for me, so I don’t think I’ll see him again.” She responded with a laugh, called me the Christian female Seinfeld and told me that perhaps that shouldn’t be a deal breaker. And it hit me. I am going to be single forever. And it’s all my dad’s fault.

Dads out there take note, here are five great ways to ensure your daughter will never say “I do” (at least not to the wrong guy).

#1 My dad is hilarious (but please donʼt tell him, heʼll get a big head). Heʼs great with a pun and also instilled in me at a very young age the importance for me to laugh at life a little and laugh at myself a lot. Not only is my dad quick to laugh at his own mistakes, he has always encouraged me to do the same. For example, when I was roughly 10, my brother and I decided it would be fun to make my parents Valentineʼs cookies, I (being the gourmet chef that I am) accidently used tablespoons instead of teaspoons of both salt and baking soda to make some of the worst tasting cookies youʼve ever had in your life (not to mention a quick way to retain water). My dad, being sweet, ate one and then being honest, laughed and revealed to me my mistake. This is still brought up every holiday (in which I am usually charged with “cooking” the salad or bringing beverages).

#2 My dad is my #1 fan. He truly (although sometimes falsely) believes that I can do anything I set my mind to. Whether softball, choir or running track, my dad was not only always at every event (that I allowed him to be), he actually still believes I can sing (he and my dog are honestly the only ones) and is certain I could have gone further than I did in my softball career (I was and still am afraid of the ball). That encouragement, even if sometimes I think heʼs nuts, has carried into my adult life; in my job, my ministry and even relationships, my dad is one of the first people I go to when I am frustrated and/or want to give up and he is always there to reason with me and remind why I started in the first place. I can honestly say I would have missed out on many opportunities in my life had I listened to my inner voice over his.

#3 My dad is not afraid to tell me when I am wrong (lovingly). One of my favorite examples of this comes from a few years ago, I was in a relationship that was at a bit of a crossroads, I was angry and ready to give up (see #2) and my dad sat me down and explained to me where and how I was being selfish and one-sided. As you can imagine, I was a bit livid and responded with “Youʼre supposed to be on MY SIDE!!” To which he replied, “I am, placating you is not what being on ʻyour sideʼ looks like, Rachel.” Iʼm not sure if you have ever had to knowingly make your 20-something year old daughter angry at you for her betterment, but believe me, itʼs not pretty and itʼs not fun, but it is love.

#4 My dad still opens the door for my mom. He loves her. He supports her. He defends her (even against me, which was much to my chagrin in my bratty, rebellious years). My dad still brings my mom flowers and surprises her with gifts. He calls in the middle of the day to say hello and he genuinely likes spending time with her, even after 30+ years. There aren’t too many words to express the value that this example of a husband is, for a girl at any age, but itʼs huge.

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#5 My dad loves my friends….and they love him. Many of my friends have nicknames for him…which sometimes I think is really weird. He is funny and approachable and unafraid to have tough conversations with people, while also knowing and respecting when not to. Iʼll be honest, I didnʼt always love this quality (see bratty, rebellious years mentioned in #4), but it is now one I strive to possess and one I greatly value in other people. I think he’d also appreciate me saying that he doesn’t try to be the “cool dad,” yet somehow became that when he began wearing Airwalks when I was in Jr. High and has held the reputation since….which again, I find sort of weird.

Above all these things, the greatest way that my dad has loved me and created gigantic shoes for any guy to fill is that he loves Jesus more than he loves me, my mom or my brother and has modeled that for me my whole life. He has always encouraged me to find Christ in all things, even when it was difficult. In each of the aforementioned facets he brings them to the table with the light and love of our Savior in a way that is confident, steadfast and gentle, much like Jesus himself. He is an excellent example of why the father-figure role is so important and how new dads can treat their daughters, as he’s remained present, not perfect.

All that being said, perhaps the next time I’m at a wedding/family reunion/grocery store/ etc and someone inquires as to ʻwhy Iʼm still singleʼ I will pull out a picture of my dad (and thus insure I will probably never date again because that would be creepy and strange….but you get the point).

Rachel Karman

 

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