Archives For father and daughter

Think it Over

Alan Smyth —  June 27, 2016 — Leave a comment

In our book Prized Possession, we pose some very important questions to consider. Below are a couple of them.

 

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“Girls are created, different than boys, to admire their fathers. Girls are made to be adored by their fathers and to adore their fathers. Their hearts are shaped for this and there is no replacing it.”

“This is the primary lens they can see God the Father through. Without a dad, God is distant and absent. Girls see God the way they see their dad. If a girl has a disinterested dad, she will sense that God is disinterested in her. If a girl senses their dad is disappointed in them, they will sense that God is also disappointed in them.”

Some questions: Dads, did you realize that your daughter will view God as she views you? Did you realize that your actions & attitudes are the personification of God in her life?

Would it change your interactions with your daughter if you thought your daughters potential faith might possibly be connected to what kind of Dad you are?

If you thought that were true, would that change your effort level as a Dad? Might that change how present you are in your daughter’s life?

Einstein

Think it over Einstein!

Alan Smyth

PS: The above quotes are found in Chapter 1 of the book “Prized Possession.”

Click the banner below if you want to pick up our new book. It is available in soft cover, hard cover and e-book.

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Seldom do we receive bold clarity on any topic. Seldom is something as boldly clear as the marching orders we receive from the text below. In light of this Father/Daughter project that we have launched, a friend sent me this e-mail a few days ago. She thought I might be interested in this short conversation between a mom and a daughter.

Below is the e-mail I received

Hi Alan,

Yesterday I was talking to a friend who has a seven-year-old daughter. The little girl had been at school yesterday and a boy in her class told her she was ugly. When she got home that night, her mom was talking to her about it.

Mom: Did it make you feel sad?

Little Girl: No

Mom: Did it make you feel mad?

Little Girl: No

Mom: How did it make you feel?

Little Girl: It didn’t really make me feel anything because I knew it was a lie. Daddy always tells me that I am beautiful and precious both inside and out. So I knew what he was saying wasn’t true.

WOW!

She was right. I LOVE IT. It is a picture of the results we should all be aiming for in the parenting of our daughters. Wouldn’t it be awesome if our girls felt loved and cherished enough by us that they would also say the same thing? (or at least think it)

Do you think this little girl will be growing up secure and confident? Think she will have a better shot at making great choices as she grows up? YES on all counts!

Trust me when I say that in the next ten years, this little girl will be called a lot worse than “ugly.” It will get a lot worse and happen a lot more often. She will be degraded in the media, in music, on campuses and in locker rooms. Some of this future attack will be a whisper and other times it will be a scream.

I am so proud of this Dad for giving this girl a priceless gift that will set her up well for the rest of her life. I am so happy for this little girl and the trajectory that she is on.

And, I am so hopeful that anyone reading this blog will be urged to engage with their daughter at a new and deeper level. I am hopeful that your daughters and mine would be saying or thinking the very same thing when the world presses in on them and tries to tear them down. I am hopeful that when the world tells them lies (and it will), that our daughters will have some powerful truth to hang onto. It’s coming…. Will your daughter be ready? It’s partly up to you!

Today’s take away: Find a way to tell your daughter she is beautiful and precious both inside and out every day this week.

Are we clear?

Crystal!

Get after it

Alan

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With Father’s Day approaching, we have an offer for you. Hit the link below from now until Father’s Day and enter “DAD” at checkout to save 20% on your entire order. There are some fun shirts and other things for both Dad & Daughter.

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Apparently Jada Pinkett Smith is working on a documentary focused on Human Trafficking. I ran across a home-made video made by Jada after her first day on the job. It appeared to be late at night and she was simply talking into a personal camera or maybe a computer. She seemed to be deeply affected by what she had experienced that day.

In the process of doing some research she visited a post Human Trafficking treatment center. She sat with young girls who had recently been rescued from this hideous experience and was blown away by who she met and what she heard.

Jada

Here is a screen shot of Jada as she searches for the words to describe what she had experienced that day.

During this VLOG that Jada Pinkett Smith recorded, she recounted these words from a young woman who had recently been freed from the Human Trafficking trade.

“Manipulating men into giving you money for your body is ok because of what the music tells us. It’s almost expected”

Wow, can you believe that a young girl, recently out of sex trafficking said this about the music she heard?

I wonder if you are aware of what the hip hop/rap scene is teaching our kids? Are you aware of how these “artists” are talking about our daughters? Are you aware of the training they are providing for our boys?

I will not reprint the vulgar, dehumanizing, disgusting and degrading song lyrics here which are typical of the hip hop/rap music culture. You will have to take my word for it. Or, if you are feeling particularly curious or adventurous, google “Degrading song lyrics about women” and see what comes up. You can also search for song lyrics from the likes of “Dr. Dre”, “Lil Wayne”, “Cadillac Don”, “Ja Rule” and the infamous “Eminem.” “Eminem” has actually taken it a bit farther and infused a strong element of violence against women in many of his songs.

By the sounds of this music, you would think these guys regard our daughters as nothing more than disposable garbage.

Of course not everyone who listens to this music is as tragically affected as the young girl that Jada met. But studies show that such lyrics are certainly a negative influence which should be monitored by engaged parents.

Am I somehow crusading AGAINST a particular type of music or artist? NO! I am crusading FOR engaged, caring parents who are aware of the environment their kids are growing up in.

One side note: Thinking you can simply say “we don’t allow that music” will keep it away from your kids would be incorrect. It is everywhere and it’s impossible to control short of moving to a cave in the mountains.

The key is YOU being engaged, aware, caring and involved with your kids so you can interpret, shield and protect. Enter in conversation about these and other important topics.

Stand up Men. Your daughter needs you. Your son too!

Press On
Alan

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Our book Prized Possession goes into great detail on what I call “The Assault on our Girls.” You can pick up our book by hitting the link below.

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End Goal #weddingday

Alan Smyth —  March 13, 2016 — Leave a comment

I met Stu Graff over 30 years ago. He has been a friend and more importantly has done a phenomenal job in raising not one, not two, but three daughters. I felt like I had my hands full raising just one daughter. He is teaching the rest of us how to do it by excelling in raising three.

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Because I am friends with Stu & Tessa, and have known the family over the years, I can personally attest to the grace, beauty, humility, sense of humor and heart to serve in his girls. They have all turned out great and I know Stu is a very proud dad.

This past weekend, Stu reached a milestone. He achieved an end goal of sorts. He gave his oldest daughter away to another man… Stu walked down the isle with Kayla clinging to his arm. He then gave her hand to Derek and after a few words, he watched his daughter walk back down that same isle clinging to her new husband.

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Not that we will ever stop being a parent, but our daughters wedding day is certainly a huge milestone and in some ways an end goal. Every dad dreams of this day and those thoughts are usually filled with a mixture of joy, dread, celebration, fear and maybe a little bit of loss. It’s all about your daughter choosing the right guy. Someone who will love her as much as we do. Someone who will protect and defend our daughter as we would. Someone who will honor her as a precious masterpiece like we do. I know that Stu has welcomed his new son in law to the family and Derek has “passed the test.” Whew…. One down, and two more to go! Congrats Stu, you did a GREAT job!

So here is my question….

How will your daughter know the difference between a frog and a prince?

How will your daughter be able to sniff out a fraud?

How will your daughter be able to know what a great husband should act like?

Being a woman, how will your daughter know what she should expect from a man?

You’ve probably guessed it…. Yep, the answer to all of these questions is YOU. She will see what a real man looks like by watching you. She will be able to tell the difference between authentic and fake by watching you. She will know what to expect from a great husband because of watching you. And she will expect to be treated by men in the way she has watched how you have treated and talked about women.

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The answer is YOU. So, with God’s help, lets rededicate ourselves to being the best version of ourselves that we can. Let’s be the best husband and man we can and let’s circle back with our daughters and invest in a deep way with their lives.

Your future son in law and grandkids could depend on it!

Oh, and work on your dancing skills too!

Alan
PS: Stu was a contributor to our book Prized Possession. Pick up the book using the link below and hear from Stu and others what their strategy was for raising great daughters.

 

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This project exists to empower and encourage Dads who have Daughters. If you are reading this, you are aware of our blog and other resources found at www.myfatherdaughter.com. Make sure you are subscribed to our blog from our website so that you get our posts e-mailed to you. Additionally we have produced a book entitled “Prized Possession” which represents a chorus of voices. In short, it is a road map for how to raise your daughter. Don’t forget our store found on our website where a number of fun T-shirts are for sale to lighten the mood. We also have all the Social Media accounts on Twitter, facebook, Instagram and Periscope which we use to celebrate great dads and share nuggets of wisdom.

One of the most fun and impactful things we do however is deliver a two hour live seminar aimed at Dad’s who have daughters. We call this seminar “Prized Possession” because it loosely follows our book of the same title. We have delivered this seminar to thousands of Dads and it has been very well received each time.

We have produced a brief highlight video of our seminar. Please YouTube Preview Image

 

We would love to be invited into your community and deliver this seminar!

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“Perfect, Amazing, Awesome. You both did an awesome job.”

“I feel empowered leaving here today. Opened my eyes to women’s battles”

Alan

“Enlightening, insightful, great practical advice”

“Thought provoking, informative & eye opening”

Kristy

“Great ideas on how to be a better dad.”

“It was an eye opener to the reality of all the attacks my daughter receives daily.”

Rusty

“I feel more empowered and motivated to be the best father I can be.”

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We have heard feedback like this every time we have held this seminar. Shoot us an e-mail if your church or school wants to book this seminar at: alan@myfatherdaughter.com

We’re here to help!

Alan

 

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Post Valentines Thought

Alan Smyth —  February 15, 2016 — 2 Comments

Yesterday was Valentines Day. Or as some of my unmarried friends put it….

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“Single Awareness Day”

I wanted to pass along a brief text conversation between my daughter and I on Valentine’s Day. I certainly didn’t engage in this conversation with Brittany for the sake of this blog. I was simply wishing my daughter a happy Valentine’s Day and then convey a brief related thought. It was her response that made me chuckle and I thought it was worthy of passing along to you all. I must admit that my daughter has been a good sport through all of this. She was happy to participate in the book Prized Possession and enjoys reading this blog. At least “mostly” enjoys.

Below is the text conversation I had with Brittany on Valentine’s Day and then a couple of thoughts.

valentines text

Key Points of the TEXT

1. “Happy Valentine’s Day” (wishing her a great day)

2. “Don’t ever forget that I was your FIRST Valentine” (and love) (a little reminder never hurts, especially as she gets older)

3. “Love YOU” (again, a little reminder never hurt)

4. “Make sure dude treats you like a Princess” (she has a “guy her in her life” and I wanted to make sure to remind her that the bar is HIGH)

 5. “Princess” (We acknowledge God as King of the universe and this God thinks of her as “Daughter.” That makes her a “Princess.” A subtle reminder of who my daughter is and WHO’S she is. And to remind her to think of herself in that way.

6.  “I Know Dad” – YES! Success! She knows all of the above.

Questions for you Dads

Have you communicated these truths to your daughter? …lately? ….ever?

Are you certain that she knows these truths?

Ultimately your daughter is going to have to make her own choices and live her own life. But let’s remember that your consistent input will greatly determine the road she travels. Your love and affirmation of your daughter will be a game changer for her and set her up on a great trajectory for life.

Don’t miss out on this guys!

Press On
Alan

 

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