Archives For father and daughter

Post Valentines Thought

Alan Smyth —  February 15, 2016 — 2 Comments

Yesterday was Valentines Day. Or as some of my unmarried friends put it….

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“Single Awareness Day”

I wanted to pass along a brief text conversation between my daughter and I on Valentine’s Day. I certainly didn’t engage in this conversation with Brittany for the sake of this blog. I was simply wishing my daughter a happy Valentine’s Day and then convey a brief related thought. It was her response that made me chuckle and I thought it was worthy of passing along to you all. I must admit that my daughter has been a good sport through all of this. She was happy to participate in the book Prized Possession and enjoys reading this blog. At least “mostly” enjoys.

Below is the text conversation I had with Brittany on Valentine’s Day and then a couple of thoughts.

valentines text

Key Points of the TEXT

1. “Happy Valentine’s Day” (wishing her a great day)

2. “Don’t ever forget that I was your FIRST Valentine” (and love) (a little reminder never hurts, especially as she gets older)

3. “Love YOU” (again, a little reminder never hurt)

4. “Make sure dude treats you like a Princess” (she has a “guy her in her life” and I wanted to make sure to remind her that the bar is HIGH)

 5. “Princess” (We acknowledge God as King of the universe and this God thinks of her as “Daughter.” That makes her a “Princess.” A subtle reminder of who my daughter is and WHO’S she is. And to remind her to think of herself in that way.

6.  “I Know Dad” – YES! Success! She knows all of the above.

Questions for you Dads

Have you communicated these truths to your daughter? …lately? ….ever?

Are you certain that she knows these truths?

Ultimately your daughter is going to have to make her own choices and live her own life. But let’s remember that your consistent input will greatly determine the road she travels. Your love and affirmation of your daughter will be a game changer for her and set her up on a great trajectory for life.

Don’t miss out on this guys!

Press On
Alan

 

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A friend tagged me in this article saying that “Alan Smyth will love this.” She was correct. I did love this. I loved it so much that I wanted to re post it here so you could see it as well.

The below post originally appeared on DrKellyFlanagan.com

 

Dear Little One,

As I write this, I’m sitting in the makeup aisle of our local Target store. A friend recently texted me from a different makeup aisle and told me it felt like one of the most oppressive places in the world. I wanted to find out what he meant. And now that I’m sitting here, I’m beginning to agree with him. Words have power, and the words on display in this aisle have a deep power. Words and phrases like:

Affordably gorgeous,

Infallible,

Flawless finish,

Brilliant strength,

Liquid power,

Go nude,

Age-defying,

Instant age rewind,

Choose your dream,

Nearly naked, and

Natural beauty.

When you have a daughter, you start to realize she’s just as strong as everyone else in the house — a force to be reckoned with, a soul on fire with the same life and gifts and passions as any man. But sitting in this store aisle, you also begin to realize most people won’t see her that way. They’ll see her as a pretty face and a body to enjoy. And they’ll tell her she has to look a certain way to have any worth or influence.

make up isle

But words do have power and maybe, just maybe, the words of a father can begin to compete with the words of the world. Maybe a father’s words can deliver his daughter through this gauntlet of institutionalized shame and into a deep, unshakeable sense of her own worthiness and beauty.

A father’s words aren’t different words, but they are words with a radically different meaning:

Brilliant strength. May your strength be not in your fingernails but in your heart. May you discern in your center who you are, and then may you fearfully but tenaciously live it out in the world.

Choose your dream. But not from a department store shelf. Find the still-quiet place within you. A real dream has been planted there. Discover what you want to do in the world. And when you have chosen, may you faithfully pursue it, with integrity and with hope.

Naked. The world wants you to take your clothes off. Please keep them on. But take your gloves off. Pull no punches. Say what is in your heart. Be vulnerable. Embrace risk. Love a world that barely knows what it means to love itself. Do so nakedly. Openly. With abandon.

Infallible. May you be constantly, infallibly aware that infallibility doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion created by people interested in your wallet. If you choose to seek perfection, may it be in an infallible grace — for yourself, and for everyone around you.

Age-defying. Your skin will wrinkle and your youth will fade, but your soul is ageless. It will always know how to play and how to enjoy and how to revel in this one-chance life. May you always defiantly resist the aging of your spirit.

Flawless finish. Your finish has nothing to do with how your face looks today and everything to do with how your life looks on your last day. May your years be a preparation for that day. May you be aged by grace, may you grow in wisdom and may your love become big enough to embrace all people. May your flawless finish be a peaceful embrace of the end and the unknown that follows, and may it thus be a gift to everyone who cherishes you.

Little One, you love everything pink and frilly and I will surely understand if someday makeup is important to you. But I pray three words will remain more important to you — the last three words you say every night, when I ask the question: “Where are you the most beautiful?” Three words so bright no concealer can cover them.

Where are you the most beautiful?

On the inside.

From my heart to yours,

Daddy

 

Alan Smyth and Kristy Fox have appeared on the Hugh Hewitt radio show

Hugh Hewitt

Our Interview can be heard on the home page of our website: www.myfatherdaughter.com

 

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In just two short days you can participate in a ground breaking event!

We have a HUGE announcement for the My Father Daughter audience. You may or may not know that Kristy and I have developed a live seminar for Dad’s. It is loosely based on the table of contents of our book PRIZED POSSESSION. Our seminar has been very well received each time we have done it. We recently gave this seminar in Thousand Oaks, Ca, and below is some of the feedback we heard from the Dads in the audience.

“Thank you for the encouragement. You opened my eyes to things that I need to know”

“I feel equipped to engage”

“Good best practices”

“Very informative, great job”

“It really opened my eyes at the importance of being a more prominent part of my daughter’s life”

“This was great motivation to finish well. Thank you for the blessing”

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Inevitably each time we have done this, people say “Hey, when are you doing this again!? I have three friends who need to hear this.”

The HUGE announcement is that we are conducting our first Webinar on November 12. If you have been to our seminar, it will be very similar in content, only delivered in a Webinar format. We are excited about this and hopeful we can reach more Dads through this format.

Space is very limited so if you would like to participate, just hit the link below. And of course you can forward this to anyone you think would benefit from this conversation. The target is Dads who have daughters, but really anyone is welcome to jump in.

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If you know you want to get in on this but you are unavailable on November 12, it will be recorded and able to be viewed later.

Thanks for leaning in and stepping up as a great Dad!

Alan
If you want to pick up our book, you can hit the link below!

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Barbie = Real Life?

Alan Smyth —  May 19, 2014 — 3 Comments

I grew up playing with GI-Joes. I had all the accessories. I had the jeep, raft & helicopter as well as all the GI-Joe weapons. They battled relentlessly against each other in my mind and in my living room. I even set them up outside and lobbed fire crackers at them as we secured the beach head! Growing up in a family with only boys, I never experienced the “other side.” I was only slightly aware of Barbie dolls and imagined little girls dressing them up and changing their outfits over and over. I guess that was fun for girls? I needed a little more action for my dolls. I doubt many little girls were lobbing fire crackers at their den of Barbie’s in order to secure an important victory on the battle field.

Barbie 1

Now that I am co-authoring this blog and have collaborated on a book focused on fathers raising daughters, I have become more aware and interested in the environment surrounding our girls. A friend recently passed along some interesting facts on the Barbie doll.

*Barbie was invented in 1959 and there are two Barbie dolls sold every second.

*The target market for Barbie is girls age 3-12

*A girl gets her first Barbie at age 3 and collects a total of 7 dolls

*If Barbie was an actual woman, she would be 5’9” tall, have a 39” bust, 18” waist, 33” hips and a size 3 shoe.

*Barbie calls this this “full figure” and likes her weight at 110 lbs.

*At 5’9” tall and weighing 110 lbs., Barbie would have a BMI of 16.24 and fit the weight criteria for anorexia. She likely would not menstruate.

*Slumber party Barbie was introduced in 1965 and came with a bathroom scale permanently set at 110 lbs. with a book entitled “How to Lose Weight” with directions inside stating simply “Don’t eat.”

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Am I somehow against Barbie Dolls? Absolutely NOT.  This blog is not about crusading against anything in particular. It is meant to encourage, inspire and bring awareness to important issues. If anything, you should probably go out and purchase a Barbie. Use it as a teaching tool for your daughter. Use it as a tangible example of what is NOT real and let that help you calibrate your daughter’s expectations. (And your sons for that matter)

Please Dad’s, stay vigilant in the environment around your daughter. Focus on interpreting the messages she receives every single day. You can point to things with a chuckle and say, “Can you believe that? That’s not even real!” Speak truth to your daughter as often as possible.

Press On

Alan Smyth

PS: Dr. Don Worcester, co-author of this blog has extensive experience and expertise in the area of eating dis orders. You can go to our website to get his contact information if you are in need of some deeper conversation on this topic. Look under “Site contributors” at www.myfatherdaughter.com

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Father’s Day Shopping RIGHT HERE!

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This blog is mostly focused on helping Dad’s engage with their daughters. The three writers (Alan, Don & Kristy) all have a particular experience and passion on the topic. However, I want to take a moment and recognize how important Mom is in the equation.

Yesterday was “Mother’s Day.” Our nation paused to celebrate Mom’s. And why not? As important as Dad is to healthy kids, Mom is every bit as important but for different reasons. My Daughter Brittany who has shown up more than once in these blog posts treated the family to an incredible day to help us celebrate my wife.

family staples

Brittany works at the Staples Center in Los Angeles where the Clippers, Lakers and Kings play their home games. She works in the sales department for their high end luxury suites and seats. She got us great seats and entrance into their exclusive “Lexus club” for an awesome brunch.

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I marveled at watching my “little girl” hard at work while we were enjoying a come-from -behind Clipper game. She was pivoting between two cell phones, a handheld radio and a magnetic badge which opened otherwise locked doors. At the end, we followed her around as she visited high end clients and troubleshot “problems.”

Britt & Sharon

One of the many highlights of the day was our family meal tradition on special days. A long time ago we started a little tradition on someone’s birthday, or in this case, Mother’s Day, where we go around the table and recount the reasons why we appreciate the person of honor. We share encouraging words and thoughts of encouragement. I won’t go into their words here, but know that both of my kids had amazing words of thanks and appreciation towards Sharon. She has had such an impact on them. She has given them so much of the stuff that I never could and they are flourishing out in the real world.

Here is my challenge: In order for your wife to be all that she can be, she needs a healthy YOU in her life. She needs a strong marriage and a man who cherishes her. She will love her children no matter what, but you can empower further greatness by working hard at being the best version of yourself and your relationship. In all humility, my daughter is great. I’d like to think I had something to do with it. But I know for sure that my wife had a ton to do with it!

Maybe the best things you can do for your kids are to love, honor, respect and cherish their mother in a great way. This will be life giving for your kids and will be a great role model for what your daughter looks for in a future mate.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the phenomenal Moms reading this blog. Your role is invaluable and we love you!

Press On
Alan

Application shirt

A dad sent me this picture of his wife wearing our “Application for Dating my Daughter” shirt which is available at our store (click below). She received this for mother’s day and is proudly wearing it here!

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Are you in a difficult season with your daughter? Maybe don’t know where to begin? Want to listen, be engaged, and invest, but you can’t seem to find the words or the space?

We surveyed teenage girls and my conversations with young women recently have echoed some of the exact same sentiments. As much as they may push you away, they want you involved!

From the mouths of girls themselves……

I wish my dad knew:

“How much I love him” and

“I’m not as tough as he might think”

 

Underneath it all – your daughters love you and they know they can push, but they need you to stay the course and keep moving forward. They want you involved even though their actions may not always show it. And, you must want to grow, or you probably wouldn’t be reading this blog.

So, where to start?

3 Phrases to use more often:

“I love you”

“Thank you”

“I’m sorry”

As I talk to girls of all ages these 3 things always tend to come up. The power of these 3 phrases is incredible, especially from fathers!  I have had multiple girls echo the need to hear each of these phrases more than they do. As I see this list I know I too need to use each of these more than I do. I need to let people know with words, not just actions that I love them. I need to say “thank you” more often for everything – people in my life should know that I appreciate them and things they do (even the little things that may seem commonplace or expected). And, I need to say “I’m sorry”. The simple words “I’m sorry” can be healing, restoring, and a salve for the wounds of the heart.

Try using these 3 phrases with your daughters this week more than normal and let us know how it goes!

Kristy Fox

We can help you with Father’s Day! Hit the links below for great gifts!

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