Archives For Rules for dating my daughter

Today we celebrate the anniversary of the following blog. Surprisingly it went viral after Father’s Day.  We were then flooded with interest for T-shirts. Dads have been sending in pictures of themselves, in their shirts along with their daughters from all over the world. We have been posting some of them on our facebook page entitled “Myfatherdaughter.com” Many more people are now following this blog. This light hearted shirt is bringing thousands of Dads further into the important conversation of their role with their daughter. Take a look and join us!

 

On February 18th, I wrote a funny little blog about the “rules for dating my daughter.” I chuckled as I wrote it and never dreamed how much buzz it would receive. Through the magic of Social Media, it was by far the most read, passed around and commented on blog in the life of this little project. The concept of a Dad issuing his ground rules for dating his daughter seemed to unite the entire tribe of Fathers! I’m guessing those rules are what all of us have been thinking but didn’t think we could actually ever say it. In case you missed the February 18th blog or would just like to refresh yourself, go ahead and click HERE to see it again.

Some of the feedback I received was around the actual rules. I heard things like “Who is making the T-shirt?” “I need that shirt” and “Dear God, get me that shirt.” Now, I am not in the apparel business. I’m not even in the blogging business. I am a Young Life Regional Director trying to reach lost kids in LA. It just so happens that due to my experience as a Young Life leader and as a parent, I might have a thing or two to say about being a Dad.

In an effort to give the people what they are clamoring for, I have made these shirts depicting the “10 Rules for Dating my Daughter.” There are also a few other fun shirts in the same theme on our store.

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(Contents of “Rules” T-shirt protected under applicable copyright laws)

I’m pretty sure this is how Nike got started, but my goals are not quite as lofty. At first I made a few dozen shirts and gave a few away. Now I am selling them to whoever wants one. The cost is $19.95 per shirt (more for bigger sizes) Then add shipping & handling of course. It’s a heavy cotton shirt. No sheer, light gauge material for me. Real men wear heavy T-shirts!

 

If you want a shirt or two, visit our online store. Click the button below:

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This whole thing is funny to me!

Have Fun!

Alan Smyth

Check out our book desinged to help Dads

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PS: Below Stu Graff has already found a great use for his shirt. He pinned it to his front door while his daughter was out on a date.

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In her book, Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher, Ph.D. writes, “Girls today are much more oppressed. They are coming of age in a more dangerous, sexualized, and media-saturated culture. They face incredible pressures to be beautiful and sophisticated.” Pipher goes on to say that, “America today limits girls’ development, truncates their wholeness, and leaves many of them traumatized.”

Much of the media, including popular music, has launched a full-scale war on our girls, although I’m sure they don’t view it as such. To the industry, it’s just good business. As a father with a daughter, my heart breaks for the culture in which she has grown up. I have spent much of my daughter’s life building her up, honoring her as God’s precious masterpiece, and treating her like a princess. The problem is, I’m outgunned! The multi-billion dollar entertainment industry has spent far more resources, time, and energy in tearing her down, objectifying her, and referring to her as garbage. Today, our girls are seen as sexual, disposable objects. From magazines and billboards to commercials, movies, and songs, women’s bodies are being exploited and sexualized. They are marketed to sell toothpaste, hamburgers, and everything in between.

The trends are alarming. In 2011, Abercrombie and Fitch introduced “push up bras” for 12 year olds. One study sites that 80% of 4th grade girls have been on a diet and one of the most popular YouTube videos of the year featured 8-9 year olds dancing suggestively to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.”

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Pictured above is a typical magazine cover that is displayed at every grocery store checkout stand. Featured here is Disney teen star Selena Gomez on the cover. Notice the headlines and messages all around her. What messages are our little girls getting every day?

Pipher continues, “Something new is happening. Adolescence has always been hard, but it’s harder now because of cultural changes in the last decade.”

A Dad’s Role

You have a huge role in this battle. Yours is a critical voice to balance out all the noise. Here are two things you can do on a regular basis. 

Interpret Media Messages: Don’t let these inappropriate messages go unchallenged. Sit with your daughter and process what is really going on and the false message that is being sold.

Talk about real worth: Let your daughter know who assigns her value and where it comes from. Ie. NOT the 5,000 media images a day she will take in, but rather the God who made her and the Dad who cherishes her.

We are in a battle Men. Don’t relax. Your daughter needs you to be fully engaged to help her navigate this tumultuous time in her life.

Press On

Alan Smyth

Chapter 3 of our book book Prized Possession goes into much more detail on this challenging topic.

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New York City

Alan Smyth —  October 3, 2016 — 3 Comments

If you have been following this blog, you have heard me talk about something I like to call the “Father/Daughter Get Away.” My niche in this three headed blog is to speak from the perspective of a Dad who has raised a grown daughter and the things I have learned. Additionally I will bring you great ideas from other Dad’s I know.

Today, I would like to share with you a great trip done by one of my buddy’s. Stu made a tradition where he took each of his three daughters on two different special trips. The first trip they took was when his daughters turned 13.  The second trip they took was during their senior year of High School. I will write about that trip another time. Listen to Stu tell part of his story.

From Stu: The first trip I took each of my girls on was when they were 13 years old. We would go to where ever they wanted to go in the USA. Of my three daughters, we had one who wanted to go to Los Angeles, one to New York City and one to Victoria Island. On these trips, we set out to do whatever the girls wanted to do, see shows, stay in a castle, etc. I wanted to show them how they should be treated by a man on a date, so nice dinners, “high tea”, etc. Then I also bought them a memorable piece of jewelry. Now I NEVER do that so it was really special. For example we were walking the streets of NY city and we came to Tiffanies jewelry store, Hannah’s eyes lit up knowing what this place is. It has four stories and you are greeted by the doorman in a tux. I whisper to the first sales person, “My daughter has turned 13 and I need the cheapest thing in your store!” She says out loud what a special day! We have lovely Tiffany’s heart necklaces on the 4th floor, back left counter! ($99) Hannah loved it, what a memory. The packaging, the blue bag, the walking the streets of NY, the eating on street corners, the shopping at knock off underground NY stores, the staying in a friend’s 300 square foot flat in Soho, was all part of this special time.

Stu continues with:  It’s easy for dads to say “oh I couldn’t to that” “I don’t get that much vacation,” or “that’s too much money”, or “my daughter can’t miss school,” to all those things I say “Bull!” You are men, you do whatever you want most of the time. Take out a loan; take a leave from your job. I’d take a 2nd mortgage on the house for what the experience has given to us as dad and daughter. (Mom is actually a bit jealous because of the special memories you get with your daughter).

Today’s take away: Plan an age appropriate trip with your daughter. Start the tradition, take the time, make the memory. It’s about the best thing you can do!

I’d love to hear about it!

Alan Smyth

Stu’s story, as well as many other Dads perspectives are contained in the book “Prized Possession” which is avaiable now.

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That’s right! MFD has a store. Check back often for fun items created for the MFD audience

On a previous blog post entitled “10 Rules for Dating my Daughter” practically went viral. Through the magic of Social Media, there were literally people from around the world who piped in with comments. It was by far the most viewed and “shared” blog post so far in the life of this project. In fact several people even asked about a shirt with those 10 rules printed on it. So in an effort to give the Dads what they want, we have the now  famous “Rules for Dating my Daughter” T-shirt. We have set up an online store with lots of fun products. Check it out HERE.

In case you missed the “10 Rules for Dating my Daughter” post. Click HERE

It was really fun to see Dads everywhere unite around this funny little take on daughters beginning to date. I obviously struck a nerve with this topic. It is no surprise to me that Dads of daughters united around this frightening topic. As a follow up blog, I wanted to pass along another handy tool that you may want to use with your daughter’s suitor.

Application for Dating my Daughter

  1. Name_______________ DOB _________________
  2. Height _____ Weight ____ I.Q. _____ (If below 140, need not apply)
  3. Athletic Accomplishments ______________________________________
  4. Church you attend ____________________________________________
  5. In 50 words or less, explain what “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” means.
  6. In 50 words or less, explain what “LATE” means.
  7. Complete the following:

The last place I would want to be shot is _________________

If I were to be beaten, the last bone I would want broken is ______________

The one thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is ____________________

8. What do you want to be IF you grow up?

9. Have you ever been fingerprinted?

10. Give location of any identifying birth marks or tattoos.

11. List all hard assets, liquid cash and financial liabilities.

12. (Over/Under) 25 times having seen Braveheart (If less than 5 times, need not apply!)

I hearby swear that all of the above information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death and / or dismemberment.

Signed _______________________________________

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not call, write or e-mail. Any contact during processing could cause a delay.

IN CASE YOU ARE WONDERING, WE HAVE TURNED THIS APPLICATION INTO A SHIRT AS WELL! See our ONLINE STORE.

 

A & B disneyland

Ok, but seriously…. Here is a brief thought: Most of what your daughter will use to screen a potential boyfriend will be her experience of watching you with your wife. How you treat women will be how she will expect to be treated. You shouldn’t actually need a list of rules or an application if you are doing your part by showing her what a great guy looks like. She will look for someone like you!

Press On

Alan Smyth

 

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When Brittany turned 5, we had our inaugural Father/Daughter Getaway. As I was a young dad and still forming my philosophies and parenting strategies, I stumbled onto something magical. I remember it like it was yesterday when I walked into Brittany’s bedroom and announced the first ever Father/Daughter getaway. I told her that starting NOW, we were going to go on a trip together every year. I asked her where she wanted to go. I told her to think of the most fun place we could go together.

Being only 5 and living in Northern California at the time, we quickly settled on the Magic Kingdom. What better place to start this amazing tradition than Disneyland!? We recorded our Disney soundtrack to get us pumped for the 5 hour car ride. We hit the road, and sang Disney tunes the whole way to L.A.

Of course we took the obligatory picture in front of the giant Mickey made of flowers in the front of the park.This trip started a tradition that we upheld all through High School. Each year, we planned something fun together and went somewhere for a couple days. After Disneyland, we did things like hit every mall in Northern Cal completing all of our Christmas shopping (In August), horseback riding, camping and snowboarding. The granddaddy of all Father/Daughter getaways however, was Brittany and I going to Hawaii for her Spring break during her senior year.

Here is what Brittany has to say about these getaways:

“Those of you who know my dad can probably guess that horseback riding or shopping all day at the mall is not exactly on the top of his priority list, but I was, and being the amazing dad that he is, he took me on one adventure after the other and made life long memories with me.  While we had some really cool experiences together, I now understand that it was not so much what we did that had value, but it was the fact that we did them together.  In hindsight, all this time that he invested in me was building me up to become a confident, independent woman.”

Guys, take your daughters on trips. During the research for this Father/Daughter project, I heard over and over that spending this extended and concentrated time with your daughter is nothing short of “Magical,” even if you don’t go to Disneyland!

Today’s Take Away: Plan a trip with your daughter. Make sure it is at least ONE night, but more is better. Nothing can compare to the life long memories and bonding you will get from this.

After you take your trip, post a picture on our facebook page – “MyFatherDaughter.com” Make sure you subscribe to this blog at www.myfatherdaughter.com

I’d love to hear about the trip you take, drop me a note & have fun!

Alan

PS: Not long ago, I took her to Vegas to see a show. The venue of the “get a way” may change, but the principles reman constant!

 

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juxtaposition
— noun

“an act or instance of placing close together or side by side, especially for comparison or contrast.”

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a “Juxtapostion” that I experienced between a woman who did not have a good father and a young girl I know who has a great Father. CLICK HERE if you want to re-read the blog post. This past weekend I experienced another dramatic example of a “Juxtaposition”. Two “side by side” experiences which demonstrated a stark contrast.

On thanksgiving evening, some longtime friends got the dreaded knock on their door by two police officers. Their grim task was to inform my friends that their 25 year old son was inexplicably found dead on his couch with no obvious signs of cause. Of course they are devastated.

Then, we all learned that the 40-year old actor, Paul Walker tragically and surprisingly died in a car accident just the other day. This happened about a mile from my home. I saw a post from his daughter expressing her extreme grief and loss.

Walker

Here is the Juxtaposition….

Yesterday was the first Sunday in “Advent.” In the Christian tradition, “Advent” is celebrated the four Sunday’s before Christmas and has to do with the pending arrival of the baby Jesus. It’s a celebration of sorts. You can “google” Advent and learn all about it.

Jesus came to do the revolutionary. He came to show love to the unlovely, give hope to the hopeless. He came to be a father to the fatherless, be the friend of sinners and bring life to the dead. He is the King of the universe and came to give people the correct version of who His Father in Heaven is. He wants to know you personally and He wants you to know him intimately. He wants to work supernaturally in your life for GOOD!

It’s no wonder why one of the legendary Christmas Carols sung over and over is entitled “Joy to the World.” If you go to church at Christmas, you will sing “Joy to the world.” You will hear it in shopping malls and elevators. It will be everywhere over the next month.

Yet… two families I know of will struggle to find any joy anytime soon. The family I know well who lost their 25 year old is devastated. They are a strong family of faith, so I am sure there is an underlying thread of hope. But there is deep sorrow for sure. And it will not go away any time soon. The Walker family, whom I don’t know at all, is certainly devastated at this moment as well.

Is there joy in their world? Is God good? Is it possible to have joy, yet still be devastated?

So what is the answer? This world is messy, complicated, scary and broken. How do we raise our Daughters to be strong, confident, whole and successful in such a place? Since most of the world is preaching pain, dysfunction and hurt, I suggest you look elsewhere.

I suggest that you open up the scriptures and take them for a spin.  Being that it is now officially Christmas season, start in the book of Luke from the Bible. Read Luke chapter 2 and then just keep reading. In those pages you will find counter cultural messages that you and your daughter need to hear. Also, she needs to see her Dad pursing a deeper faith. It will encourage her and give her stability. I have seen it and heard it over and over.

Merry Christmas, and may you find true JOY in this world!
Alan

Btw- we have a little online store where we sell fun Father/Daughter merchandise. It actually came about unplanned as the result of my February Blog where I wrote about the “Rules for Dating my Daughter.” It was a joke and meant to be funny. Suddenly people wanted the shirt (that hadn’t been made yet) and away we went… So today, December 2, is “Cyber Monday” and we are having a “CYBER Monday” sale where you can get 25% off by ordering three or more items. Just click the banner below and enter “CYBER” at check out for your discount. These shirts are a tool to draw people in closer to the conversation of being a better Dad. Get yours today and get a few for the Dads you know. There are also a few fun shirts for the Daughters in your life as well

 

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