You have probably heard the phrase before, “Happy wife, happy life.” The first time I heard this phrase, it was in a comedy sketch where the comedian proceeded to rattle off 20 minutes of hilarious marriage material. His point was to help us guys understand that if we keep our wife happy, our life will be much better. If she is happy, we are happy!

In the context of this Father/Daughter blog which you can subscribe to at www.myfatherdaughter.com this phrase means even more! We get a “two-fer!” There is an opportunity to get more “bang for the buck.” Who among us doesn’t love a great deal whenever we can get one!

special offerIn our book, Prized Possession,  I spoke about the things that young women told us that impacted them greatly. One of those key principles was when they saw their dad loving and respecting their mom in a great way.

Let’s break down the “two-fer”

twofer hotdogs

If you love, honor and respect your wife, she will generally respond in a likewise manner to you! As we share our emotion, affection, heart, mind and soul with our spouse, she will be freed up to respond in kind, and love us the way we need to be loved in return. You both WIN!

Here is the bang for the buck and the value added. You obviously care about your daughter, your relationship with her and her general well-being. Your daughter arrives in this life with a blank slate. She is learning how everything works. She does this by watching, interacting and exploring life. Her most important classroom for this learning is her home and her biggest teachers are her parents. You as dad, might have the strongest, most powerful voice in your daughter’s life.

Everything your daughter learns about men, dating, how she should be treated, what is acceptable and how worthy she is of respect will first come from you and what she observes at home. So, loving, honoring, and respecting your wife in a great way has a “two-fer” effect.

  1. You get to have a great marriage.
  2. Your daughter learns what to look for and expect in future boyfriends and husband.

My 31 year old daughter Brittany, has contributed a chapter in the book, “Prized Possession.” In her chapter she wrote this:

“After 31 years of watching my dad interact with my mom, I know for sure that he has every quality that I want to find in my future husband. It is because of the amazing example that he has set that I know what I deserve, and I will not settle for anything less. For that, I am extremely grateful.”

Celebrating 35 years in Cabo!

I share what she said with great humility. In my mind, I could have done a much better job at being a husband all these years. BUT, what Brittany wrote, unprompted, highlights this concept for me. Your daughter will look for a man using YOU as the lens she looks through. She will know from YOU what is acceptable and attainable. The way YOU love and honor your wife will partly determine the kind of husband (or boyfriend) your daughter looks for. What lessons on love and marriage is your daughter learning YOU?

Today’s Take Away: Take an inventory of how your marriage is doing. Recognize that your daughter, no matter what her age, is watching and absorbing. Ask your wife how you can be a better husband to her.

God bless you in this pursuit friends

Alan Smyth

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Follow us on twitter – “MyFatherDaugher.com” @2cor618

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Love Wins, Game Over

Alan Smyth —  July 25, 2019 — Leave a comment

Do you remember a few years ago when the Boston Marathon ended tragically with a bombing? Following was my post Boston Marathon blog post which featured the amazing actions of my good friend Brent Cunningham. Please read of his incredible actions.

The story out of Boston received a lot of pub when it happened. Brent’s actions were so moving that ABC got hold of it and interviewed him. In case you missed the 20/20 ABC interview, please watch it now before you read the rest of this blog. Fast forward on this video to 3:17 to begin Brent’s story.

Watch the ABC 20/20 interview of Brent Cunningham HERE, CLICK ON THIS LINK.

Brent’s interview ended with a phrase that captured me immediately. It grabbed my heart, mind and soul and judging from the enormous feedback from around the nation, it grabbed many others as well.

The interviewer ended with a statement suggesting that people may have thought that “evil won” that day in Boston. Brent closed his interview with his striking comment which I would like to talk about here.

Brent Cunningham said, “Love wins, Game over”

Brent C

I absolutely love that statement. Short, sweet, powerful, truth.

From time to time, I hear from Dads who feel like they have already blown it with their daughter. They feel like it is too late. Their marriage has already blown up and their kids have already been affected. Things are complicated and stressful. They feel defeated.

To those Dads who are struggling and distracted. To those who have lost their way and relationships have deteriorated.  I say LOVE WINS, GAME OVER.

To those who have daughters who have clearly chosen a painful path to go down. LOVE WINS, GAME OVER. If your daughter is lost…. Go get her! Bring her back!

game over

I certainly know that it could be a little more complicated than a nice tag line. Things may be incredibly complex for you. But the tag line underscores a powerful truth. You need to rest in the knowledge that Love overcomes all.

Regardless of how far things may have (or will in the future) disintegrate between you and your daughter, wife or son, I know that deep down they want to be right with you. They belong in right relationship to you and they want to forgive you.

Move forward with confidence that LOVE WINS, GAME OVER.

Press on

Alan

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This project exists to empower and encourage Dads who have Daughters. If you are reading this, you are aware of our blog and other resources found at www.myfatherdaughter.com. Make sure you are subscribed to our blog from our website so that you get our posts e-mailed to you. Additionally we have produced a book entitled “Prized Possession” which represents a chorus of voices. In short, it is a road map for how to raise your daughter. Don’t forget our store found on our website where a number of fun T-shirts are for sale to lighten the mood. We also have all the Social Media accounts on Twitter, facebook, Instagram and Periscope which we use to celebrate great dads and share nuggets of wisdom.

One of the most fun and impactful things we do however is deliver a two hour live seminar aimed at Dad’s who have daughters. We call this seminar “Prized Possession” because it loosely follows our book of the same title. We have delivered this seminar to thousands of Dads and it has been very well received each time.

We have produced a brief highlight video of our seminar.  YouTube Preview Image

We would love to be invited into your community and deliver this seminar!

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“Perfect, Amazing, Awesome. You both did an awesome job.”

“I feel empowered leaving here today. Opened my eyes to women’s battles”

Alan

“Enlightening, insightful, great practical advice”

“Thought provoking, informative & eye opening”

Kristy

“Great ideas on how to be a better dad.”

“It was an eye opener to the reality of all the attacks my daughter receives daily.”

Rusty

“I feel more empowered and motivated to be the best father I can be.”

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We have heard feedback like this every time we have held this seminar. Shoot us an e-mail if your church or school wants to book this seminar at: alan@myfatherdaughter.com

We’re here to help!

Alan

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Apparently Jada Pinkett Smith is working on a documentary focused on Human Trafficking. I ran across a home-made video made by Jada after her first day on the job. It appeared to be late at night and she was simply talking into a personal camera or maybe a computer. She seemed to be deeply affected by what she had experienced that day.

In the process of doing some research she visited a post Human Trafficking treatment center. She sat with young girls who had recently been recovered from this hideous experience and was blown away by who she met and what she heard.

Jada

Here is a screen shot of Jada as she searches for the words to describe what she had experienced that day.

During this VLOG that Jada Pinkett Smith recorded, she recounted these words from a young woman who had recently been freed from the Human Trafficking trade.

“Manipulating men into giving you money for your body is ok because of what the music tells us. It’s almost expected”

Wow, can you believe that a young girl, recently out of sex trafficking said this about the music she heard?

I wonder if you are aware of what the hip hop/rap scene is teaching our kids? Are you aware of how these “artists” are talking about our daughters? Are you aware of the training they are providing for our boys?

I will not reprint the vulgar, dehumanizing, disgusting and degrading song lyrics here which are typical of the hip hop/rap music culture. You will have to take my word for it. Or, if you are feeling particularly curious or adventurous, google “Degrading song lyrics about women” and see what comes up. You can also search for song lyrics from the likes of “Dr. Dre”, “Lil Wayne”, “Cadillac Don”, “Ja Rule” and the infamous “Eminem.” “Eminem” has actually taken it a bit farther and infused a strong element of violence against women in many of his songs.

By the sounds of this music, you would think these guys regard our daughters as nothing more than disposable garbage.

Of course not everyone who listens to this music is as tragically affected as the young girl that Jada met. But studies show that such lyrics are certainly a negative influence which should be monitored by engaged parents.

Am I somehow crusading AGAINST a particular type of music or artist? NO! I am crusading FOR engaged, caring parents who are aware of the environment their kids are growing up in.

One side note: Thinking you can simply say “we don’t allow that music” will keep it away from your kids would be incorrect. It is everywhere and it’s impossible to control short of moving to a cave in the mountains.

The key is YOU being engaged, aware, caring and involved with your kids so you can interpret, shield and protect. Enter in conversation about these and other important topics.

Stand up Men. Your daughter needs you. Your son too!

Press On
Alan

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Our book Prized Possession goes into great detail on what I call “The Assault on our Girls.” You can pick up our book by hitting the link below.

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Happy Fathers Day

Alan Smyth —  June 14, 2019 — 8 Comments

Happy Father’s Day to all of you GREAT dad’s. How do I know you are a great dad? If you are reading this, you are engaged and interested in doing the best you can. That is a great dad! It’s not about the finished product, it’s about the trajectory you are on. I am proud of those Dad’s who follow this blog. I often get messages from many of you sharing highlights, pictures and stories from your journey.

This blog post is a simple shout of encouragement and affirmation to the hard work you are putting in regarding your role as Dad! This Sunday is Father’s Day and so I salute you for taking your job seriously. I also want to challenge you to KEEP GOING! Stay after it! Even if things are tough, keep chasing your daughter.

1 Corinthians 15:58 talks of being “steadfast and immovable, always abounding in the work the Lord.”

2 Timothy 4:7 talks of “Fighting the good fight, finishing the race, keeping the faith.”

Do those things… be steadfast and immovable in your parenting patients and effort. Fight the good fight meaning it takes work and there is opposition. Finish the race meaning DON’T QUIT doing the right things. And keep the faith meaning know that God is working in and through you and your daughter even if you can’t always tell.

As you may or may not know, my kids are grown. Trevor is 26 and Brittany just turned 31. I was really blessed to get wonderful Father’s Day wishes from them. I thought I would pass them along to you as an example of what your kids might be saying to you after they have grown through adolescence. For many, things are so turbulent (or will become so) that you can’t envision the other side. I don’t share these to say “look at ME” I share them to say “Look at YOU” and see the potential and victory that lies ahead. Be encouraged and press on!

Stay at it and God will bless….

Facebook message from Trevor…

Trevor fathers day post

What Brittany wrote on her card to me

Brittany fathers day card

Be steadfast!

Alan Smyth

Click the banner below if you want to pick up our new book. It is available in soft cover, hard cover and e-book.

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When Brittany turned 5, we had our inaugural Father/Daughter Getaway. As I was a young dad and still forming my philosophies and parenting strategies, I stumbled onto something magical. I remember it like it was yesterday when I walked into Brittany’s bedroom and announced the first ever Father/Daughter getaway. I told her that starting NOW, we were going to go on a trip together every year. I asked her where she wanted to go. I told her to think of the most fun place we could go together.

Being only 5 and living in Northern California at the time, we quickly settled on the Magic Kingdom. What better place to start this amazing tradition than Disneyland!? We recorded our Disney soundtrack to get us pumped for the 5 hour car ride. We hit the road, and sang Disney tunes the whole way to L.A.

Of course we took the obligatory picture in front of the giant Mickey made of flowers in the front of the park. This trip started a tradition that we upheld all through High School. Each year, we planned something fun together and went somewhere for a couple days. After Disneyland, we did things like hit every mall in Northern Cal completing all of our Christmas shopping (In August), horseback riding, camping and snowboarding. The granddaddy of all Father/Daughter getaways however, was Brittany and I going to Hawaii for her Spring break during her senior year.

Here is what Brittany has to say about these getaways:

“Those of you who know my dad can probably guess that horseback riding or shopping all day at the mall is not exactly on the top of his priority list, but I was, and being the amazing dad that he is, he took me on one adventure after the other and made life long memories with me.  While we had some really cool experiences together, I now understand that it was not so much what we did that had value, but it was the fact that we did them together.  In hindsight, all this time that he invested in me was building me up to become a confident, independent woman.”

Guys, take your daughters on trips. During the research for this Father/Daughter project, I heard over and over that spending this extended and concentrated time with your daughter is nothing short of “Magical,” even if you don’t go to Disneyland!

Today’s Take Away: Plan a trip with your daughter. Make sure it is at least ONE night, but more is better. Nothing can compare to the life long memories and bonding you will get from this.

After you take your trip, post a picture on our facebook page – “MyFatherDaughter.com” Make sure you subscribe to this blog at www.myfatherdaughter.com

I’d love to hear about the trip you take, drop me a note & have fun!

Alan

PS: Not long ago, I took her to Vegas to see a show. The venue of the “get a way” may change, but the principles reman constant!

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