Archives For Dr. Don Worcester

Zombie Hipsters

Dr. Don Worcester —  October 30, 2015 — 2 Comments

Tomorrow is Halloween and after the sun goes down I will be walking door to door around Copper Canyon Elementary School with my eleven-year-old daughter and three of her sixth grade friends. They will all be dressed as Ballerina’s with matching Pink Tutus. I will be wearing whatever I had on when I left my office. I am going as a middle age dad.

images-24

I am expecting to see lots of Zombies tonight. Zombies are everywhere these days, they are just killing it (pun intended.) My local Starbucks Baristas where talking about their plans for Halloween this morning when I went in for my morning Venti Dark Roast. They are all going to a ” Walking Dead ” party tonight. Just imagine a whole room full of Uber Cool Zombie Hipster Baristas. I left Starbucks this morning pondering two questions, do Zombies move any faster after a few Espressos and why are Zombies so trendy and appealing to the adolescent and twenty something crowd?

images-1

 

What is a Zombie?

 

A person who got infected or sick with something that left them dead on the inside but walking on the outside.

 

Someone who is vacant, hungry and mobile.

 

Someone no longer aware of themselves or of the victims they are consuming.

 

Someone who wanders and gathers in groups with other Zombies

 

Someone who even half dead still resembles a Fully Alive person.

It is hard to kill a Zombie or to cure a Zombie. They are very numb and very hungry.

images-3

 

Zombie characteristics are visible everywhere in our culture. I am pretty sure there were some Zombies at the High School dance my older daughter went to last week. A large group of people gathered in the dark, some of them appeared very numb on the inside but very hungry on the outside. There was a fair amount of groping and grabbing within the mob of students while the Chaperones cruised the perimeter and attempted to keep order. Zombies are bit distracted by their appetites and the more they gather the hungrier they get.

It would be great if the Zombies only came out on Halloween. If being a Zombie was just about a costume and not a condition.

Zombies are popular but they are not new. Jesus talked about a condition that left people dead on the inside and hungry on the outside.

He talked about appetites and thirst that drive us and consume us

but never meet our deepest needs or connect us to one another.

He spoke to mobs of Spiritually dead people inviting the half dead to become Fully Alive.

We are His followers; His men and we are called to do His Ministry.

My daughter had fun and did a great job at the dance Friday night. She can spot a Zombie and she can handle a Zombie.

How about your daughter?

The only thing harder on a girl than a Zombie Hipster is a Zombie Dad.

Lets make sure that as fathers and men we are Fully Alive.

Our daughters deserve nothing less, let’s keep at it.

 

Grace and Peace

Dr. Don Worcester

 

Store 2 button

It takes a particular kind of energy to walk,

it takes a different kind of energy to wait,

and God invites us to do both.

We cannot really follow God by just walking or by just waiting.

We have to be able and willing to do both if we are to stay in step with his leading.

 

This is not the first time God asked his people to walk and to wait as he leads and directs.

The Israelites followed the Glory of God through the wilderness for an entire generation. The process was very clear and very simple. When the Cloud moves the people follow, when the cloud stops the people stop.

We are always invited to travel with God. He is the one leading our journey.

images-14

 

He initiates a direction, purpose and a plan for our lives. We are invited to cooperate and participate in the life he reveals.

The Israelites were not wandering in the desert,

they were walking and they were waiting as God led them through the wilderness. The desert was never intended to be their final destination. It was their training ground for a bigger and better life that God was preparing for them.

 

Jesus also asks his disciples to get ready for a bigger life. This bigger life requires a dual capacity for walking and for waiting.

The invitation is always the same; it is shockingly clear and simple, “Follow me.” However big the wilderness and however long the journey these are the two words that compel us and constrain us as we walk and as we wait towards the bigger life ahead. The desert is a temporary preparation and not our final destination.

 

Some people have a strong preference for Walking. They just feel better when they are moving and the scenery is changing. The further they go the better they feel. They enjoy and expect a fast pace and a clear direction. Walking is a God given ability and every ability has a potential liability. Walkers don’t like to wait, and that is their liability. The ability to lead is always dependent on the willingness to follow and sometimes on the willingness to wait.

 

Some people are exceptional at Waiting. They feel most peaceful, most comfortable and most content in a waiting and reflective mode. They are Leary of excessive walking and moving about.

They are quick to recall past mistakes associated with action steps. Waiting feels more prudent and reduces the possibility of false starts and dead ends. How much better it would be if Jesus had only said, “sit with me” instead of “follow me.” Followers are invited to follow, not to lead and not to sit, but to follow the one who called them.

 

Good dads know that sometimes they are called to Walk.

To walk into a hard situation.

 

To walk after a disinterested daughter,

 

To walk with your wife through conflict and tension.

 

Good Dads also know how to Wait.

images-15

 

To wait for the right moment to approach and engage,

To wait for the Lord to open a door or soften a heart,

To wait for a daughter who is stuck, mad or hurt by things you did not cause and cannot fix.

 

So let’s get ready to walk and let’s get ready to wait.

This is a bigger life somewhere out in front of our daughters and us.

Let’s not miss it!

 

Grace and Peace,

Dr. Don Worcester

 

Perfectionism |pərˈfek sh əˌnizəm|

noun

Refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.

 

Perfectionism is a beautiful and dangerous trap for many young girls. It often comes camouflaged as high standards, excellence or healthy ambition. It is critical to discern the difference between what is productive and what is destructive in areas of appearance, performance and goal setting in the lives of our children.

There are a few things we can and should do with our daughters to support the productive expression of their beauty and worth.

images-2

Check Your Own Heart and Thinking

What you model will be more important than what you say. Are you willing to acknowledge your own limitations and mistakes? A good role model is honest and open about their abilities and their limitations. If we are trying too hard to be perfect as fathers, we may become defensive when our flaws spill out. A great dad is not a perfect dad. A great dad knows that he is loved and called by a Father who is Perfect. Saint Ignatius celebrated the ability of God to, “ draw a straight line with a crooked stick.” Crooked sticks and crooked dads are always welcome in God’s family.

 

Differences Are Not Defects

Your daughter is an original. She is not a copy of anyone else. Elvis Presley began his singing career by delivering his demo records to local radio stations. A receptionist at one station asks him whom he sounded like, after a slight pause Elvis said, “me”.

Elvis was a true original, no comparison necessary. Help your daughter discover and enjoy the original beauty of her design.

 

Keep Up With the Inside

What we do matters. The why behind what we do, really matters. Exercise can be a healthy activity or a destructive obsession. Good grades can be an affirmation of ability and hard work or a stressful self-imposed marker for value and self-worth.

Attention to personal appearance can be an appropriate expression of self-care or an agonizing competition for love and acceptance. We need to keep up with our daughter’s hearts and not just their habits. Pay attention to the inside and you can enjoy and celebrate whatever is happening on the outside.

images-3

 

Keep Looking Up

Perfection belongs to God alone. Our confidence, our identity and our peace are not tied to a Perfect Performance but to a Perfect Love. Lets help our daughters’ accept that they are accepted, no performance required. Let’s help them feel beautiful before they look “pretty.” Let’s help them live boldly, to take their best shot, to swing away, to dance in the kitchen, and to be gripped by joy rather than strangled by fear.  Enjoy your daughter today.

 

Grace & Peace,

Dr. Don Worcester

 

Store 2 button

Hard and Good

Dr. Don Worcester —  September 18, 2015 — Leave a comment

In today’s Cultural Dictionary there is one definition for hard; Hard is bad.

Hard is unpleasant, hard is inconvenient, hard is difficult, hard is bad. That working definition of Hard tends to shape and form the questions we ask ourselves about achieving the Good Life. If hard is always bad, then it will never really fit with anything we call good, including a Good Life. This puts a pretty big target on all things labeled or experienced as hard. We can avoid hard things, delay hard things and dismiss hard things because they are Hard and we all know, Hard is Bad. Unlike hard itself, this is extremely convenient. Today‘s Post Modern Wisdom believes pretty strongly that no person in search of a Good life should be asked or expected to embrace or endure the inherent badness of Hard.

images-13

 

We have not always defined hard this way. Sigmund Freud the rather famous father of Psychoanalysis has been credited and critiqued for his many observations of the Psyche the Soul and the unconscious dynamics of Human Relationships. Freud believed that two primary markers were reliable indicators of Healthy Adult Functioning.

1)    The ability to delay gratification

2)    The ability to work and contribute in a consistent and meaningful way

Freud’s markers for basic health were not easily attained in his days or in ours. Some would even characterize these expectations as Hard. Feel free to lie back on your couch and think about that for a minute.

images-14

 

We can find an even older perspective on this topic from a letter written to the Hebrews in the first century. In Chapter 12 of that letter the author writes:

No discipline seems pleasant at the moment, but painful. Later on, however it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

 This older wisdom and older truth suggest that not all Hard is the same. Hard is always hard, but we have to look a little closer and dig a little deeper to discern between the hard that is destructive and the hard that is productive. Bad relationships are almost always hard but not all hard relationships are bad. Bad jobs are usually hard but not all hard jobs are bad. Bad times are predictably hard but not all hard times are bad.

We are teaching our daughters every day how to live, how to love, how to learn and how to sort through the hard things that are part of this Good and Messy life called Home.

Are you teaching your daughter how to discern the Hard and Bad from the Hard and Good?

How are you doing at modeling this in your own life?

If you are a dad with a daughter, you have to get this part right. If you need some help then get it. A dad who gets help to do a better job with his family is a Hero and a Warrior, a dad who doesn’t is an Idiot and a Fool, and that is my best Hard and Good advise for all of us.

 

Grace and Peace

Dr. Don Worcester

 

Heart Check

Dr. Don Worcester —  August 28, 2015 — Leave a comment

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23

 

So how is your heart?

 

Has it gotten hard through disappointment or discouragement?

 

Has it gotten numb through some pain or loss?

 

Has it gotten broken through some rejection or betrayal?

 

Has it worn out through some long battle or grief?

 

Has it surrendered to some false comfort in the hope of feeling peace or pleasure again?

 

Have you lost track of it through the busyness and distraction of daily life?

 

How is your heart?

images-1

 

You gotta know because too many important things happen in and through and because of your heart.

 

Most guys are pretty good at checking their oil, checking their financial statements,

checking the weather and checking the sports scores.

They are usually not so good at checking their hearts.

 

Wisdom reminds us that we should guard, watch over, stay close to and keep up with our hearts.

Everything in our life flows from this one source.

 

This is not optional work if you are a dad. You cannot share your heart with your daughter if you don’t know it.

She will have a hard time trusting you with her heart

If she does not know yours.

 

So on your list of things to check today, add one more.

Maybe pray a simple pray,

“God show me my heart…”

There is at least one little girl waiting and hoping

that you don’t lose track of your heart

or hers!

In the kingdom of God there are little doors

that lead to big places.

this is one of them,

don’t miss it.

 

Grace and Peace

Dr. Don Worcester

 

Book Banner

 

Store 2 button

The early history of aviation included lots of trials and errors in

designing and building a functional flying machine. Most of these

early designs failed, sometimes at great cost. These early designers

did not fully understand the Physics of flight. Their designs were

often based on their imagination, their inspiration and their

aspiration. All of these designs were subject to the

same criteria and conditions. In aviation, success and failure are

immediate and obvious, it either flies or it crashes.

Unknown-6

 

There is one kind of Physics that governs airplanes, there is another type

that governs relationships. These Relational Physics determine what flies and what crashes in our most important relationships with one another. Some people design their relationships with great imagination, with great inspiration and with very good aspiration. Sadly many of these relationships still crash. There are Physics at work in how we love, care and connect with one another. Some things set our relationships up to fly, other things set them up to crash. Here are three Rules that govern Relational Physics with your daughter.

Unknown-5

 

Number One:

Love Comes Before Change. Love in very large and consistent doses has

the power and potential to create Heart felt change. The promise of

love if and when change happens is a form of behavior management. This

kind of “Change” always crashes when you run out of carrots or sticks.

 

Number Two:

There is no Intimacy without Vulnerability. Extending trust, sharing

your feelings and offering forgiveness will make you vulnerable to hurt,

disappointment and violation. It will also open you and the relationship to a deeper sense of genuine connection.

We can always stay Safe, we can always stay in Control, but these instincts will ground us not launch us.

Vulnerability lets us connect with one another and that let’s us Fly.

 

Number Three:

Relationships Require Attention and Maintenance. Great relationships

require a level of consistent attention, this is not a matter of

defect but one of design. Relationship and airplanes both defy gravity

which means pilots and parents are facing High Risk/ High Reward

scenarios every day. It is wise and it is good to be attentive in

maintaining something or someone that matters this much.

The Wright Brothers stayed at it until they got airborne. They earned

a place in His-story. You and I can win a place in Her-story. Let’s

stay it!

images-3

 

Peace and Grace,

Dr. Don Worcester.

 

To continue the conversation, pick up our book “Prized Possession”

 

Book Banner

 

 For some fun Daddy/Daughter gear, take a look in our store!

Store 2 button

Sent from my iPhone