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I got really excited, proud, and hopeful for so many girls last night as I watched some dads being terrific fathers! .

The night began by getting an email from a friend, Jay, who is a great dad, and he keeps getting even better. I love that he takes his role as a father seriously with his two teenage daughters.   He has come to two seminars we have done for dads with daughters in the Southern California area and brought friends with him, he has ­read the book Prized Possession and has the workbook, and most importantly he has taken the challenge and is implementing all that he is reading and hearing about in his everyday relationships with his daughters. He was already a great dad and it is so fun to watch him firsthand as he dives in even more with his two teenage daughters and to hear them brag about their dad. So – I am sitting at dinner and he sends me pictures of he and his daughter swimming with dolphins at SeaWorld as a daddy daughter date.

I texted his 13 year old daughter JoJo and asked her to share with me a bit about that trip and her dad and she said, ” my dad came in my room a couple months ago and asked me if there was one thing I could do with him, what would it be. After thinking about all the things I could’ve done, I realized that swimming with dolphins would be a good opportunity to bond with him and make unforgettable memories.” “He tells me I’m his prized possession every day and I’ll never forget that.”

That text is worth every penny Jay spent on dolphins. To add to the fun, while he was there he wanted to capture the moment and asked another dad standing nearby (happened to be visiting from France) if he would take some pictures.   He proceeded to tell this dad about their father daughter date as well as the blog and book. This dad later emailed Jay the pictures from France and wrote “Good, am happy to have seen you SO proud of this instant with your daughter. IT Was a pleasure”

 jojo2 jojo3 jojo

From dinner, we walked down to Staples Center in LA. In a crowd of 15,000 people, one thing in particular kept grabbing my attention…. In the swarm of thousands of teenage girls were a bunch of men about my age, not there for a basketball game – but for a Taylor Swift concert.   You could tell right away these men were not “Swifties” but these men were with their daughters, doing something their daughters loved and making their dreams come true. I was blown away by the number of dads there with their daughters – smiling, clapping along, standing as their daughters screamed and danced the night away, and even helping their daughters hold up their lighted posters (which very possibly they had helped them make).

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Dolphins and Taylor Swift concert memories- made possible by great dads wanting to love their daughters well.  

Thank you dads for making an impression on me last night.

Thank you dads who make dolphins and Taylor Swift a part of your life for the sake of your daughters.

You made me incredibly hopeful last night!

 

Keep pressing on,

 

Kristy Fox

“The List”

kristyfox —  June 24, 2015 — Leave a comment

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The name Mohamed El-Erian has been in the news, online and on the radio this past year -it seems that Mohamed El-Erian resigned from his powerful, prestigious, very high paying position as CEO  due primarily to his daughter reminding him what is important.

It sounds as if the story went something like this….he asked his 10 year old daughter to something and she wouldn’t listen. When he pressed her and asked why she wasn’t listening to him she marched off to get “the list”….She came back and confronted him with a long list of things he a missed out on.

“The list contained 22 items, from her first day at school and first soccer match of the season to a parent-teacher meeting at a Halloween parade. And the school year wasn’t over.”

He added: “I felt awful and got defensive: I had a good excuse for each missed event! Travel, important meetings, an urgent phone call, sudden to-dos… But it dawned on me that I was missing an infinitely more important point.
As much as I could rationalize it – as I had rationalized it – my work-life balance had gotten way out of whack, and the imbalance was hurting my very special relationship with my daughter. I was not making nearly enough time for her.”

Providing for our families is an important task and most of us cannot afford to quit our jobs or work part time to spend more time with our families. However, lets not miss the point of checking our work-life balance. We all can easily get out of whack and miss the most important things that are happening right around us. You can’t always make every event – but let’s not let our pursuit of things and status take precedence over our pursuit of relationships.

Relationships are our most valuable commodity, let’s not trade them.

Thanks for leaning in,

Kristy Fox

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Keep Going!

kristyfox —  June 17, 2015 — Leave a comment

Not long ago I said something to a friend about the importance of a dad’s voice in the life of their daughter and a girl’s desire to hear from her dad. The man I was talking to said “even my teenager?” It can get difficult in the teenage years. But yes, your daughter still needs to hear from you (and perhaps maybe even more so now).

I read the below story from a book called Sticky Faith which demonstrates this.

“Plus, we can’t assume that just because our kids say they don’t want to talk to us, they really mean it. I’ll never forget hearing the story of Jin, a pretty rough seventeen-year-old whose single dad sent her to a Christian school in hopes that it would “straighten her out.” Whether it was because her friends were going or because she warmed up to “the whole God thing,” Jin signed up for the school’s spring break mission trip to Guatemala.

Jin ended up sitting on the flight next to Joe, the school’s campus pastor. For the first few hours, Jin was her normal tough self. She put on her earphones and mostly ignored Joe. He tried to ask her questions about her family, but Jin summarized her relationship with her dad by saying, “I asked him to leave me alone. And he has.”

Throughout the mission trip, the Lord worked in Jin and she softened. By the end of the trip, she confessed to Joe through her tears, “I wish my dad had not done what I asked. I wish he hadn’t left me alone.” (p 83)

I too wish he hadn’t done what she asked. I bet in retrospect, her dad wished he hadn’t either. I can imagine that he thought he was doing the right thing by leaving her alone.

It’s tough to keep at a relationship when it feels like you are swimming upstream.

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However, it’s usually the things that don’t come easy that end up to be really amazing. This situation is not all that unique – I have heard this from girls before.

They often are seeing if you will fight for them, pursue them, and not give up on them.

Keep at it dads. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s well worth it.

Yes, even your teenagers want to hear from you!

 

~ Kristy Fox

 

 

 

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Try This

kristyfox —  June 10, 2015 — Leave a comment

I recently had a high school girl tell me how much she missed the dates that she and her dad used to go on when she was little. Life had gotten busy and hectic and dad probably thought she wasn’t interested anymore now that she was 18 and had her own boyfriend. Not true!

Dads – I challenge you to take time in the next month to go on a purposeful date with your daughter. Plan something fun for the 2 of you and while you are waiting for your order have fun with some questions for each other. You can use the lists below or come up with your own.

 

10 ?’s for dad to ask daughter:

1) If you could do anything in one day – what would your day look like?

2) What is one thing I should know about you that maybe I don’t?

3) What has been the best day of your life so far and why?

4) What is one thing you wish I did with you more often and why?

5) How do you think we are similar?

6) How do you think we are different?

7) What is one thing you wish I didn’t do?

8) What do you want to be when you grow up and why?

9) How can I be a better dad to you?

10) What is your favorite movie and why?

 

10 Questions for daughter to ask dad:

1) When you were young what did you want to be when you grew up?

2) What was the hardest thing for you when you were my age?

3) What is your favorite movie of all time and why?

4) What is your favorite memory of growing up?

5) How were things different when you grew up?

6) What do you think is the most important thing a parent can teach a child?

7) How do you think we’re similar?

8) How do you think we’re different?

9) What made you fall in love with mom?

10) What do you like about your job?

 

Have fun with these and hopefully this can be a springboard for many conversations to come 🙂

 

Kristy

 

PS – we have a book of fun challenges like this one in a handbook called “30 Day Challenge” you can find in the store.

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i said

 

I love when people share about practical ways they are engaging in purposeful interactions with their daughters!

Recently my friend let me know that there was a great article on Southwest airlines (Spirit magazine) that had prompted another friend of his to move to action. The article was about a man named Alex Sheen who lost his father to cancer and has channeled his grief into a nonprofit/global social movement called “Because I Said I Would” and the power of making a commitment and sticking to it.

The article says that Sheen spent an hour trying to remember a single promise his father had failed to keep and came up empty. He said, “If you can’t think of a single thing, that’s the lesson your dad was trying to teach you.”

Sheen distributes small white cards with the words “Because I said I would” and people write something on them as their “word” and hand to someone else to be given back when completed.

In the case of my friend, the man reading this article had told his daughter that he would take her to San Francisco, but it had never happened. He found a white board at home and wrote to his daughter:

Taking you to San Francisco

Because I said I would.

 

I love this! It is important for your daughters to have a man in their life who is a man of their word. It is important to model that for your kids.

 

Jesus himself said in Matthew 5:37 “Simply let your “yes” be a “yes” and your “no”, “no”.”

 

No more empty promises. Let’s be people that do what we say we will do. What a great lesson for our kids.

 

Thank you to the many men out there who are being incredible examples to their families and making a difference.

 

Thanks for Leaning in,

 

Kristy Fox

 

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I recently had a high school girl tell me how much she missed the dates that she and her dad used to go on when she was little.   Life had gotten busy and hectic and dad probably thought she wasn’t interested anymore now that she was 18 and had her own boyfriend.     Not true!

Dads – I challenge you to take time in the next month to go on a purposeful date with your daughter.  Plan something fun for the 2 of you and while you are waiting for your order have fun with some questions for each other.   You can use the lists below or come up with your own.

 

10 ?’s for dad to ask daughter:

1) If you could do anything in one day – what would your day look like?

2) What is one thing I should know about you that maybe I don’t?

3) What has been the best day of your life so far and why?

4) What is one thing you wish I did with you more often and why?

5) How do you think we are similar?

6) How do you think we are different?

7) What is one thing you wish I didn’t do?

8) What do you want to be when you grow up and why?

9) How can I be a better dad to you?

10)  What is your favorite movie and why?

 

10 Questions for daughter to ask dad:

1) When you were young what did you want to be when you grew up?

2) What was the hardest thing for you when you were my age?

3) What is your favorite movie of all time and why?

4) What is your favorite memory of growing up?

5) How were things different when you grew up?

6) What do you think is the most important thing a parent can teach a child?

7) How do you think we’re similar?

8) How do you think we’re different?

9) What made you fall in love with mom?

10)  What do you like about your job?

 

Have fun with these and hopefully this can be a springboard for many conversations to come 🙂

 

Kristy

 

PS – we have a book of fun challenges like this one in a handbook called “30 Day Challenge” you can find in the store.

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