I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that a good friend of mine just published a book called “Who’s Picking Me Up from the Airport?” about the journey of a single young woman.  It is packed with great stories and advice for young women!

In this book there are also great words of  wisdom from some guys and  I loved the thought below and believe it is definitely worth sharing with your girls.   This is what a guy named Davey says,

“If you really want the kind of man in your life who is willing to put in the hard, necessary work to make you his, don’t be easy.

I’m serious.

Don’t allow yourself to be low-hanging fruit.  Don’t view yourself as easy to attain.  …. For the wrong kind of guy, you are a means to an end. To the right kind of guy, you are the end.” (p94)

Please help affirm this truth in the life of your daughter and women around you.  Please help them see that they are valuable to you and to the God of the Universe.  If any guy treats them otherwise, they are not worth the time.  They are far more valuable than they often know and feel.  If they truly believe that about themselves, it will help them live like that is true.

Thanks for leaning in,

Kristy Fox

The name Mohamed El-Erian has been in the news, online and on the radio. It seems that Mohamed El-Erian resigned from his powerful, prestigious, very high paying position as CEO of investment fund Pimco due primarily to his daughter reminding him what is important.

It sounds as if the story went something like this….he asked his 10 year old daughter to something and she wouldn’t listen. When he pressed her and asked why she wasn’t listening to him she marched off to get the list….She came back and confronted him with a long list of things he a missed out on.

“The list contained 22 items, from her first day at school and first soccer match of the season to a parent-teacher meeting at a Halloween parade. And the school year wasn’t over.”

He added: “I felt awful and got defensive: I had a good excuse for each missed event! Travel, important meetings, an urgent phone call, sudden to-dos… But it dawned on me that I was missing an infinitely more important point.
As much as I could rationalize it – as I had rationalized it – my work-life balance had gotten way out of whack, and the imbalance was hurting my very special relationship with my daughter. I was not making nearly enough time for her.”

Providing for our families is an important task and not all of us can afford to quit our jobs or work part time to spend more time with our families. However, lets not miss the point of checking our work-life balance. We all can easily get out of whack and miss the most important things that are happening right around us. You can’t always make every event – but let’s not let our pursuit of things and status take precedence over our pursuit of relationships.

Relationships are our most valuable commodity, let’s not trade them.

Thanks for leaning in,

Kristy Fox

Many dads do a great job showing their loved ones how much they mean to them on Valentine’s Day; flowers, chocolate, treats, cards- you name it!   My husband pulled out all of the stops this year – not necessarily with expense, but with thoughtfulness – the best gift!

What if we treated every day like Valentine’s Day?  I don’t mean the expense and pomp of the day.   I am talking about the way that we seem released to let people know we love them, and even spoil them a bit.

How do we do that more effectively?   What does the Bible say about loving others? It is not a “to do list”, it is a character list. It is a list of who we are at our core in our relationships with others. Below is a section of scripture often quoted in wedding ceremonies. Your daughter watches how you interact not just with her – but with your spouse, your co-workers, your friends, acquaintances, and family. Read this and put your name “dad” in the place of the word “love”. If you are like me, there will be many spots where it will be hard to insert my name. I fall very short of displaying love in many arenas. We are not perfect and thankfully – God’s grace is huge! Let’s pray that we can be a people, that you can be a dad, who displays, models and encompasses love in these ways to those around us that we love.

1 Corinthians 13:3-7 (The Message)

“So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up, Loves cares more for others than for self, Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have, Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first”, Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.”

Love is the best gift you can give. Love is the best use of your energy. Love is the key to all relationships! Your daughter needs to see a man that loves others well………who loves her well!

Thanks for leaning in!

Kristy Fox

A good friend of mine recently published her first book. It’s great. It’s a funny, clever, witty look at the struggles and joys that single girls encounter. It’s a great book for girls in their college years and beyond and important for dads to read as well as there are nuggets of helpful insight into the ways girls operate. Who couldn’t use a little insight into their daughters, especially as they begin to navigate the waters of boys and dating?

Cindy, the author, lays out some important principles that she learned along her life and her dating journey; principles about value, worth, boundaries and finding yourself in the midst of it all. These principles are great to pass along as your daughter begins to even think about dating.

One of the most important things for your daughter is her view of herself and the way that a healthy view of herself will help her navigate the “boy waters” ahead. Cindy and other contributing authors share their stories of success and of failure in this arena. The below is an excerpt from her book worth passing along verbally and with your actions to your daughters.

“Now when I meet a guy I want to ask me out, I say to myself, “He should ask me out”. And a lot of the time he does. Things didn’t change because I suddenly looked so much better. I wasn’t funnier, better at flirting, or nicer. I believe their responses changed as a result of the change in me. When I finally and confidently owned my beauty and worth, they did too.
The vibe you and I put out when we believe the man standing in front of us would be lucky to spend time with us actually makes a difference. Before every date, Jody and I always tell each other, “You are the prize.” It may sound a little cheesy, but when you and I know our worth, it sends a message to us and the guys we date about what he can and can’t get away with.” (p26 – Who’s Picking Me Up From the Airport)

Dads – you have a great role in this. Your daughter wants and needs to be reminded about the truth of her worth and beauty. The more she hears it, the more it will start to feel like it’s true. You get to be the first man to speak truth into the life and heart of your daughter and simultaneously point her to the God who preciously calls her “my beloved”. Trust me – she listens more than you know!

Kristy Fox

 Do you feel the increased pressure on your kids, on your family? Some things may seem easier for this generation, true. However, there is an enormous amount of pressure and stress on our young people and our families as well, and I think we need to be very aware of it so that we can not just figure out how to survive, but learn to thrive! I am not saying that I have figured this out as a parent. I am saying that it keeps coming up as I spend time with young people.

I have spent a lot of time with high school students and the same theme keeps coming up. As I have been talking with students about what seems to keep them from their relationship with God and from pursuing Him like they want to – their answer may surprise you. For many students it may be a desire to do their own thing (an answer we may think of as “typical” teenager answer), but for most their answer is typically …. “time”. When I press them on what exactly they mean by that answer, many students are really candid. They acknowledge that they have “time” but have a hard time prioritizing with the other good things that seem and feel more important at the time. I don’ think this is a new issue – but I do think there is a lot more pressure to be “the best”, to be “well-rounded”, to be “enough” to get into college, to find a job, to make the school team and even to get the attention of their busy parents.

Students and families seem to have less available time for things like church, family time, friends, rest, fun, service (for the sake of doing something good and not to put on an application), meals together, and pursuit of faith.

Let’s slow down. Let’s figure out how to tell and also show our kids what it looks like to have “time” for the important things in life. I am not always a good example of how that should look, but I want to be. What about you?

Kristy Fox

Not long ago I said something to a friend about the importance of a dad’s voice in the life of their daughter and a girl’s desire to hear from her dad. The man I was talking to said “even my teenager?” It can get difficult in the teenage years. But yes, your daughter still needs to hear from you (and perhaps maybe even more so now).

I read the below story from a book called Sticky Faith which demonstrates this.

“Plus, we can’t assume that just because our kids say they don’t want to talk to us, they really mean it. I’ll never forget hearing the story of Jin, a pretty rough seventeen-year-old whose single dad sent her to a Christian school in hopes that it would “straighten her out.” Whether it was because her friends were going or because she warmed up to “the whole God thing,” Jin signed up for the school’s spring break mission trip to Guatemala.

Jin ended up sitting on the flight next to Joe, the school’s campus pastor. For the first few hours, Jin was her normal tough self. She put on her earphones and mostly ignored Joe. He tried to ask her questions about her family, but Jin summarized her relationship with her dad by saying, “I asked him to leave me alone. And he has.”

Throughout the mission trip, the Lord worked in Jin and she softened. By the end of the trip, she confessed to Joe through her tears, “I wish my dad had not done what I asked. I wish he hadn’t left me alone.” (p 83)

I too wish he hadn’t done what she asked. I bet in retrospect, her dad wished he hadn’t either. I can imagine that he thought he was doing the right thing by leaving her alone.

It’s tough to keep at a relationship when it feels like you are swimming upstream.

However, it’s usually the things that don’t come easy that end up to be really amazing. This situation is not all that unique – I have heard this from girls before.

They often are seeing if you will fight for them, pursue them, and not give up on them.

Keep at it dads. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s well worth it.

Yes, even your teenagers want to hear from you!

~ Kristy Fox