Archives For kristyfox

Burned Beautiful

kristyfox —  January 28, 2015 — 1 Comment

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http://www.thefreedommovement.us/burned-beautiful/

 

Please visit the webpage above.   A beautiful story worth passing along to others and sharing with your daughter.  I have known Jenn since she was in high school and she lived out this story in our community.  She gracefully and amazingly walked out the story she tells about in this blog as she lived alongside of teenage girls she was mentoring who were struggling with their own issues of worth, value, identity and beauty.  She was invaluable to teenage girls as they processed their own quest for beauty and they watched her embody true beauty, scars and all.

Kristy Fox

 

 

As adults we hear about how hard it is to be a teenager in today’s world, but as you bend your ear to listen to the hearts and thoughts of these young girls, you begin to really see what it means. It is not just the external pressures around them that makes it difficult for them, but also the internal pressure and negative self-talk that comes from within.

Pressure to succeed, to excel, to have the right curves in the right places, to be skinny, to be fun, to be pretty, to be sexy, to be athletic, to be feminine, to be “enough”. The teenage world in which they live is exhausting, impossible, and lands countless girls believing they aren’t enough for anyone. The life of a teenage girl is comprised of comparing. They compare themselves to everyone around them, all of the time! How can they measure up to the airbrushed supermodels, the teenage sex icons, the music video and movie “hotties”? Then there are the girls in their classes, the “good” girls, the “bad” girls and all of the other versions of who they “should” be. The examples in many of their lives have said in so many words – if you are not “enough” on your own – fix it, buy it, or have surgery to correct it. Meanwhile, these wounded, bleeding hearts are trying to also answer the main questions in their life that every teenager has to face – who loves me and why am I important?

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Teenage girls crave love, real love, and yet have such a hard time receiving it and believing they are worth it. For many of them – they have no idea what it looks like to be loved well or to believe they are lovable. In recent years, I’ve noticed young women are struggling more with the primary questions of “Who loves me?” and “Why am I important?” than I have seen in past years. Many of them simply do not love themselves and certainly do not see themselves as important. So, in their minds, why would anyone else see value in them, even God?

Please hear how important it is to keep telling your daughter how loved she is by you and by the Lord, just as she is. How important she is to you and to the Lord, just as she is. “I love you” and “you are really important to me” are great phrases to add to our everyday conversations with those we love!

With thanks to all you great dads out there,

Kristy Fox

 

A Reminder

kristyfox —  January 14, 2015 — Leave a comment

This past summer in the midst of a week-long summer camp with high school students,a leader from one of the groups came and shared with me a conversation that happened in their cabin of girls.

Several high school girls were talking to their adult leader about some of the ways they view themselves and some of their inner thoughts. This leader heard words and phrases similar to the ones I have heard over the past 20 years of working with teenage girls; words about appearance and their dissatisfaction with how they are and phrases like “not good enough”, “too much”, “insecure”, “useless”, “insignificant”, and on and on. It is heartbreaking to hear girls share things like this and so painful to hear their hearts.

This adult wanted desperately to help these girls see things differently. So, she had them write those negative things down on a piece of paper and then tear them up and throw them away. She then had these high school girls write a letter to themselves about how God sees them. The words they used were beautiful and completely opposite from the words they use to define themselves. What a freeing experience. We need to be reminded frequently of who we really are.

Dads, thank you for wanting to engage with your daughters. If you are wanting to remind your daughter of who she is or having a hard time connecting…. try something similar to this. Perhaps write your daughter a letter reminding her of who she is in your eyes and who she is in the eyes of God the father. It may be more freeing than we know. It is definitely worth the time!

 

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Thanks for leaning in,

Kristy Fox

 

 

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Live Life Together

kristyfox —  January 7, 2015 — Leave a comment

croods

Ever want to just lock your daughter in the house to protect her from the world outside?

The Croods is a movie I think an awful lot of fathers might relate to. Dads are good at protecting others, especially their family. It seems to come naturally to them. Dads can even be good at protecting their children from the changing and scary world we face. The dad in The Croods is no different. He is a dad that will go to extreme ends to keep his family, and his teenage daughter safe and secure. He literally keeps his family locked up in a cave to protect them. Sound familiar? Ever have that same desire?

The Croods is a fun movie about a dad wanting to shield his teenage daughter who is a wide-eyed girl with a desire to push the limits. The dad and the daughter change individually and in their relationship as they live together in the changing and sometimes dangerous world. The bitter teenage girl and the stubborn father begin to experience a real change in their relationship. At the end of the movie they embrace in their first hug ever as Grug the dad acts selflessly to protect his family and his daughter.

Dads – you can be good protectors. Your daughters probably appreciate that in you. What Grug learned was that wasn’t enough in itself. Life is about living it with each other – not meant to be lived just hunkered down in a cave just because it is safe. Get out there and live life with your daughter. She may even come to trust you and your gift of protectiveness as she gets to see and know your heart more and more and understand that your protectiveness is because of your deep love for her.

Thank for Leaning in,

Kristy Fox

How to Spot a Counterfeit

kristyfox —  December 31, 2014 — Leave a comment

counterfeit

My daughter and I love to go treasure hunting at garage sales and Goodwill stores – especially for books! I was at Goodwill and came across a book titled Why a Daughter Needs A Dad – 100 Reasons. Since the subject is one I am interacting with a lot, I picked it up. One of the quotes stuck out as I looked through the book, it said “A DAUGHTER NEEDS A DAD to show her how it feels to be loved unselfishly”.

That is a profound statement. Not many people she encounters will love her unselfishly and we want better for our girls don’t we? We want them to experience real, genuine, unselfish love in their relationships.

Someone shared with me that to train bank tellers to recognize a counterfeit that they educate them on the fake by having them handle the “real thing” over and over again. The bank teller becomes so familiar with the look and feel of the real money that when a fake crosses their path, it is spotted immediately. The “real thing” becomes the standard and when something doesn’t measure up, a flag goes up and alarms are sounded!

Dads – you are an example of the “real thing” to your girls. God allows you to show them real, unselfish, tender, compassionate, genuine, forgiving, honest love. You get to show them how it feels, what to look for, and what to expect. You get to help them spot a counterfeit when they see it come around and they will know not to accept it.  Hopefully when they come in contact with counterfeit “love” and selfish intentions, the flags will go up and the alarms will sound.

It may not seem like your daughter listens to your words sometimes, but they are paying attention – and you are educating them in what to look for in their future relationships as you provide the real thing for them!

Thank you for making a difference!

Kristy Fox

 

Does your daughter know she is a masterpiece?

Here are some stats:

– It is estimated that 50% of 4th grade girls have been on a diet

– Dove reports that 90% of women 15-64 worldwide want to change at least 1 aspect of physical appearance with body weight being the highest

– 67% – 2/3 of women withdraw from engaging in life activities because they feel bad about themselves. Apparently, more than half of us women don’t do things because we don’t like who we are!

Some women and girls around you may not be living fully because they may be paralyzed by their thoughts and held captive by their insecurities and negative self-talk. We compare ourselves to the ‘standard’ or ‘ideal’ that the world around us has set and when we don’t fit that mold we lose confidence, we doubt ourselves, and we don’t live out who we were created to be. Insecurity has become a silent killer of girls and even older women today.

When we listen to the world around us and not God or others in our life who value us, it is easy to start seeing ourselves for less than what we are and less than what God made us to be, a masterpiece!

We are no accident. We are wonderfully made, what a concept! This is a starting point. Many girls have never thought of themselves as a masterpiece, as a work of beauty, or even as valuable at all. Their value has been in their accomplishments, their performance, or in the superficial.

2 Ways to Remind Your Daughter That She is a Masterpiece:

1) Read the following verse to your daughter, print it out and give it to her, memorize it together, or think of a different way to share this verse with her: Ephesians 2:10 (For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.)

2) Download the song from itunes called “You’re Mine” by Carly Escoto for yourself and also for your daughter. Powerful, and great music to be playing in your daughter’s ears.

Assuming you are a dad reading this, I appreciate and thank you for being willing to be a positive voice in the life of your daughter – she listens to you more than you know!

Kristy Fox

 

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