Archives For kristyfox

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I love this time of year and especially the gap between Thanksgiving and Christmas, a time to pause and remind ourselves how very much we have to be thankful for. What if we challenge ourselves to pause and remind ourselves how thankful we are for our kids, and also take time to remind them of the things we are so thankful for about them.

I think we tend to assume people know we are thankful for them or that we appreciate things they do, but we need to actually tell them! I had a friend come home from a memorial service just last week and tell me how she wished she would have said those things to her father-in-law while he was still alive. She asked he question – why do we hesitate to share with people why we are so thankful for them?

So many girls try so hard to earn the affirmation of their fathers, and many girls never feel like they can live up to their father’s expectations or feel like they can “get it right”. My husband is a coach and he shares the recent statistic – a kid needs 10 positives for every negative thing said. Not sure about you, but my ratio isn’t always that good with my kids. Dads, you have life-giving words for your daughter within you that often go unspoken. Please know that she is craving those. It may be uncomfortable for you – that’s ok, please still try it – typically the best things we do are a bit uncomfortable at first!

In some of the girl’s groups I have been a part of we have passed around papers with someone’s name on it. We then pass these around and everyone writes words of thanks and affirmations on the paper for that person. Girls have shown me papers they have saved for years and that they treasure! How cool would that be for them to have something like that from their dad? Something that can remind them of the love you have for them, something they can treasure and pull out when they need it, something that can remind them of how they should be treated by a future spouse or boyfriend.

It’s possible that the best gifts we have for one another don’t cost us anything!

Here’s the idea:

– Write a list of 10 specific things you are thankful for about your daughter (if she is too little to read, write it anyway and put it in a box for her so she can read them when she’s older )and put the list somewhere she will see it – her mirror, her dinner plate, her door, etc!

Stop. Grab a piece of paper right now. And do it!

2 Minutes of your time could be a life-long treasure for your daughter!

Thanks for leaning in,

Kristy Fox

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Show and Tell

kristyfox —  December 3, 2014 — Leave a comment

water-pressure-imageAre you feeling it too? Do you feel the increased pressure on your kids, on your family? Some things may seem easier for this generation, true. However, there is an enormous amount of pressure and stress on our young people and our families as well, and I think we need to be very aware of it so that we can not just figure out how to survive, but learn to thrive! I am not saying that I have figured this out as a parent. I am saying that it keeps coming up as I spend time with young people.

I have spent a lot of time with high school students and the same theme keeps coming up. As I have been talking with students about what seems to keep them from their relationship with God and from pursuing Him like they want to – their answer may surprise you. For many students it may be a desire to do their own thing (an answer we may think of as “typical” teenager answer), but for most their answer is typically …. “time”. When I press them on what exactly they mean by that answer, many students are really candid. They acknowledge that they have “time” but have a hard time prioritizing with the other good things that seem and feel more important at the time. I don’ think this is a new issue – but I do think there is a lot more pressure to be “the best”, to be “well-rounded”, to be “enough” to get into college, to find a job, to make the school team and even to get the attention of their busy parents.

Students and families seem to have less available time for things like church, family time, friends, rest, fun, service (for the sake of doing something good and not to put on an application), meals together, and pursuit of faith.

Let’s slow down. Let’s figure out how to tell and also show our kids what it looks like to have “time” for the important things in life. I am not always a good example of how that should look, but I want to be. What about you?

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Kristy Fox

 

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I love the tv show “The Voice”- last week a contestant sang this song and it reminded me of this video. Colbie Caillat is a name almost every adolescent girl would know. She is a popular singer and well liked. She recently came out with a video that is a great video to show any woman! Watch the below video……

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try this link if the video does not play : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8

“When I shot the first scene with no hair and makeup on in front of an HD camera in my face, flashed with bright lights, everyone was watching,” she told Elle. “I thought, ‘Oh my god, I bet they’re all looking at my blemishes, thinking that I should cover them up, or that I should put some volume in my hair.’ But it also felt really cool to be on camera with zero on, like literally nothing on. And then when it got to the full hair and makeup, I actually felt gross. I was just so caked on.” (Huffington Post)

In a world full of photoshop pictures, surgeries and make-up this is a great reminder and encouragement for the girls and women in our lives to be comfortable with who they are, as they are.

Pass this along,

Kristy Fox

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How Are Your Margins?

kristyfox —  November 12, 2014 — Leave a comment

margins

I heard myself say today to a friend, “I feel like I have my margins back”!

I looked up the definition for the word “margin” on dictionary.com and it said 1) “the space around the printed or written matter on a page”  2) “an amount allowed or available beyond what is actually necessary ”

In a book I have been reading called “Teen-ology” by Jim Burns, he quotes a physician and author Richard Swenson  ” Today, most of us routinely spend 20 percent more than we have, whether in money, time, or energy,” he said.  “When life is continually maximized, however, there is no margin for priorities, relationship, depth, worship, rest, contemplation, service, or healing.” (p142)

The culture we live in doesn’t seem to value margins, but we need them.  I feel like the past few months I have been living without space in my life, schedule, and mind for ‘margins’ and it has taken a toll on me as well as those around me.  Are you in that space as well?   Are you over-committed and feel like you have no extra space to think, dream, pray, or be mentally and physically available for those around you.   Do your family a favor and create some space in your life.

We have a tendency to fill all of our extra space with tasks, projects, and extra “stuff” but I am going to try and make space for the important things that tend to happen in the margins of our lives.   Want to join me?  Let’s make a commitment to create margins that will allow for the unexpected, important, incredible things that can happen in that space.

Thanks for leaning in,

Kristy Fox

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Live Life Together

kristyfox —  November 5, 2014 — Leave a comment

croods

Ever want to just lock your daughter in the house to protect her from the world outside?

The Croods is a movie I think an awful lot of fathers might relate to. Dads are good at protecting others, especially their family. It seems to come naturally to them. Dads can even be good at protecting their children from the changing and scary world we face. The dad in The Croods is no different. He is a dad that will go to extreme ends to keep his family, and his teenage daughter safe and secure. He literally keeps his family locked up in a cave to protect them. Sound familiar? Ever have that same desire?

The Croods is a fun movie about a dad wanting to shield his teenage daughter who is a wide-eyed girl with a desire to push the limits. The dad and the daughter change individually and in their relationship as they live together in the changing and sometimes dangerous world. The bitter teenage girl and the stubborn father begin to experience a real change in their relationship. At the end of the movie they embrace in their first hug ever as Grug the dad acts selflessly to protect his family and his daughter.

Dads – you can be good protectors. Your daughters probably appreciate that in you. What Grug learned was that wasn’t enough in itself. Life is about living it with each other – not meant to be lived just hunkered down in a cave just because it is safe. Get out there and live life with your daughter. She may even come to trust you and your gift of protectiveness as she gets to see and know your heart more and more and understand that your protectiveness is because of your deep love for her.

Thank for Leaning in,

Kristy Fox

We are conducting our first Webinar on November 12. If you have been to our seminar, it will be very similar in content, only delivered in a Webinar format. We are excited about this and hopeful we can reach more Dads through this format.

Space is very limited so if you would like to participate, just hit the link below. And of course you can forward this to anyone you think would benefit from this conversation. The target is Dads who have daughters, but really anyone is welcome to jump in.

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If you know you want to get in on this but you are unavailable on November 12, it will be recorded and able to be viewed later.

As adults we hear about how hard it is to be a teenager in today’s world, but as you bend your ear to listen to the hearts and thoughts of these young girls, you begin to really see what it means. It is not just the external pressures around them that makes it difficult for them, but also the internal pressure and negative self-talk that comes from within.

Pressure to succeed, to excel, to have the right curves in the right places, to be skinny, to be fun, to be pretty, to be sexy, to be athletic, to be feminine, to be “enough”. The teenage world in which they live is exhausting, impossible, and lands countless girls believing they aren’t enough for anyone. The life of a teenage girl is comprised of comparing. They compare themselves to everyone around them, all of the time! How can they measure up to the airbrushed supermodels, the teenage sex icons, the music video and movie “hotties”? Then there are the girls in their classes, the “good” girls, the “bad” girls and all of the other versions of who they “should” be. The examples in many of their lives have said in so many words – if you are not “enough” on your own – fix it, buy it, or have surgery to correct it. Meanwhile, these wounded, bleeding hearts are trying to also answer the main questions in their life that every teenager has to face – who loves me and why am I important?

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Teenage girls crave love, real love, and yet have such a hard time receiving it and believing they are worth it. For many of them – they have no idea what it looks like to be loved well or to believe they are lovable. In recent years, I’ve noticed young women are struggling more with the primary questions of “Who loves me?” and “Why am I important?” than I have seen in past years. Many of them simply do not love themselves and certainly do not see themselves as important. So, in their minds, why would anyone else see value in them, even God?

Please hear how important it is to keep telling your daughter how loved she is by you and by the Lord, just as she is. How important she is to you and to the Lord, just as she is. “I love you” and “you are really important to me” are great phrases to add to our everyday conversations with those we love!

With thanks to all you great dads out there,

Kristy Fox

 

On November 12, we will conduct a Webinar based on our book “Prized Possession” Join us in this limited seating venue to learn about the culture and threats our daughters face every day as well as tons of help and  best practices to help you navigate this imporatant time of life. Sign up now to reserve your seat. Sign up from our website. Cliuck the link below!

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