Archives For kristyfox

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Life is so very fragile and relationships are the things that last. How is it that I so often miss that?

I want my kids to know they are loved, really loved. I often ask myself how I can do that most effectively. I am a task oriented, list person. I want a “technique”, a “tool” or a “to do list”. So, what does the Bible say about loving others? It is not a “to do list”, it is a character list. It is a list of who we are at our core in our relationships with others. Below is a section of scripture often quoted in wedding ceremonies. Your daughter watches how you interact not just with her – but with your spouse, your co-workers, your friends, acquaintances, and family. Read this and put your name “dad” in the place of the word “love”. If you are like me, there will be many spots where it will be hard to insert my name. I fall very short of displaying love in many arenas. We are not perfect and thankfully – God’s grace is huge! Let’s pray that we can be a people, that you can be a dad, who displays, models and encompasses love in these ways to those around us that we love.

1 Corinthians 13:3-7 (The Message)

“So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up, Loves cares more for others than for self, Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have, Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first”, Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.”

Love is the best gift you can give. Love is the best use of your energy. Love is the key to all relationships! Your daughter needs to see a man that loves others well………who loves her well!

Thanks for leaning in!

Kristy Fox

 

 

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Below is an interesting and short Ted video on 3 things a man learned through his plane crash experience.

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use this link if the video does not show up above – http://youtu.be/8_zk2DpgLCs

 

Life is short. Life is about relationships. Sometimes it takes something huge in our lives to remind us of that. Hopefully we all don’t need a plane crash to help us get back on track.

As a parent I can be short tempered, impatient, busy, and my priorities can get mixed up. This video was a good reminder for me – there are a lot of things that can feel so urgent and necessary that I tend to neglect that which is most necessary.

In my life the most necessary are my relationships with God and my family. I need to remember to live as if that’s true. Is that true of you also perhaps? Let’s take heed from someone else’s “plane crash” reminder of what is most necessary in life?

Thanks for leaning in,

Kristy

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This past week I heard the name Mohamed El-Erian quite a bit in the news, online and on the radio.   It seems that Mohamed El-Erian resigned from his powerful, prestigious, very high paying position as CEO of investment fund Pimco due primarily to his daughter reminding him what is important.

It sounds as if the story went something like this….he asked his 10 year old daughter to something and she wouldn’t listen.   When he pressed her and asked why she wasn’t listening to him she marched off to get the list….She came back and confronted him with a long list of things he a missed out on.

“The list contained 22 items, from her first day at school and first soccer match of the season to a parent-teacher meeting at a Halloween parade. And the school year wasn’t over.”

He added: “I felt awful and got defensive: I had a good excuse for each missed event! Travel, important meetings, an urgent phone call, sudden to-dos… But it dawned on me that I was missing an infinitely more important point.

“As much as I could rationalize it – as I had rationalized it – my work-life balance had gotten way out of whack, and the imbalance was hurting my very special relationship with my daughter. I was not making nearly enough time for her.”

Providing for our families is an important task and not all of us can afford to quit our jobs or work part time to spend more time with our families.   However, lets not miss the point of checking our work-life balance.   We all can easily get out of whack and miss the most important things that are happening right around us.  You can’t always make every event – but let’s not let our pursuit of things and status take precedence over our pursuit of relationships.

Relationships are our most valuable commodity, let’s not trade them.

 

 

Thanks for leaning in,

Kristy Fox

 

 

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We focus a lot on girls and the father-daughter relationship in this blog. It’s not because we don’t think boys are going through some tough things themselves, it’s just that we have focused and zoned in on the girls growing up today and what girls look for in their dads.

My son just started high school this year and a mom and I were just talking yesterday about the chaos around teenage boys today.   There is an article in the Dec 2 issue of Time magazine titled, “What Boys Want”, that did a great job talking about the effects of today’s culture on our boys. Boys too­­­ are torn in this crazy world they are growing up in and many do not have the ability to communicate their confusion, pain, and emotions to their friends or family.

There were 3 specific pieces of advice for parents in the article that I thought helpful for the parent of any teenager – boy or girl.

1) “If you’re a parent with real worries about your son’s emotional state, but he says he’s fine, tell him the reasons you’re asking….the key thing is to let him know that there’s no shame in feeling bad.” Time, p. 49

2) From a teenager ….“Be straight up, and don’t assume that we’re going through the same things you did. And if you want to know how it is now, ask.” Time, p. 49

3) “If you can get them to talk, what do you say? First, it is very important to let them know that you don’t assume anything about them or their friends. Whether you’re talking about alcohol, drugs, girls or bullying, you can begin by saying, “I don’t know if you are ever going to have this experience, but if you do, I want you to be prepared.” Time, p. 49

The key is communication. Communication tends to come when time and space is created for it. The article even pointed out that it typically comes in time alone in the car, when there are gaps in conversation, or in quiet moments. It may not always come after a barrage of questions. I am guilty of often thinking I am going to get good answers to “how was school?”, “how was your day?”, “how was practice?”, and on and on.

Please do not be discouraged if you aren’t always getting answers to your questioning. Keep being available. Take some time to just allow for some space for kids to talk, and be eager to listen when they do. And – let’s take the advice of a teenager boy “if you want to know how it is now, ask”. Hear from them what their struggles are, what’s really happening at their school, and what they see. They are our best teachers about the world they live in and we can help them navigate through it all if we know what may be coming.

Thanks for entering in!

 

Kristy Fox

 

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Be the One to Chase

kristyfox —  September 17, 2014 — Leave a comment

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I asked a couple of girls (13-30) the question “Why do you think dads are so important?” and here are a few of their responses.

 

“He’s the 1st male relationship you ever have in your life”

“He’s always there for you and should be the first guy to show you that you’re beautiful”

“He shows you what to expect from another guy in your life and how he should treat you”

“You know how much you’re worth when your dad treats you well”

“Your dad sets the bar for what to look for in a husband”

 

In any track and field event – the man in the lead is the one to chase. He leads the way and sets the bar for the others that follow. Dads, you lead the way!

Dads, one of your big roles is to lead the way and set the bar. The girls above are correct – you are the first male relationship they will have in their life. You get to set the bar for how they expect to be treated by a man. You can help your daughters see who they are. You can help set the pace and the expectations up ahead.

You may never stand on a podium to receive a gold medal, run through the winners tape at a marathon, or take home a championship ring. But, you have the opportunity to do something even greater. There may be times it feels like you may be losing or falling behind but hang in there, even when it gets tough, and finish strong.

You are the first man she has in her life in a significant way – make the most of that opportunity! Write your daughter a nice note, take her to dinner or on a trip, recognize things about her character, and let her know she is valuable beyond belief and that no one should ever treat her otherwise.

Lead the way. Set the bar. Be the one to chase in this.

 

Thanks for leaning in,

Kristy Fox

 

 

 

We have been in full spring cleaning mode around our house. We are a bit late for spring, I know, but we are finally attacking the closets, the garage, and even getting around to painting my daughter’s bedroom that she has been thinking about for over a year now.

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However, as we painted the walls and cleaned out bags of clothes for a garage sale, one thing remained.

You can hardly see it, but as the cleaning and painting happened – the barely visible hand-written note on my daughter’s mirrored closet door from her dad stayed put.

Hard to see isn’t it?? It’s been there for almost a year and a half.

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March of 2013 I posted the following blog.

I was putting my daughter to bed the other night and looked over at her closet mirror. What I saw was too sweet not to mention as a suggestion! My husband had written a note on her mirror with a dry erase pen.

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A few things crossed my mind…

  • What a great guy my husband is
  • How fortunate my daughter is
  • A mirror – what a great place to write a note! Why have I never thought of that?
  • And —- I don’t think my daughter will ever let me clean that mirror again

 

It may have taken him 30 seconds to write the note; however, it made a huge impact on her and I am thinking that the “note-writing vandal” will strike again (I hope).

You too can be a “note-writing vandal” and sneak into your daughter’s room with a dry erase marker and leave a note on a mirror in her room or in the bathroom she uses. You can leave a sentence, a verse, a reminder of who she is, or even just draw a silly picture. The big thing is that she will know that you care and you went out of your way to do something for her.

We all need to be reminded from time to time that there are people who love us for who we are. A girl’s mirror tells her many lies about herself – you are not pretty enough, your hair is not right, your nose is too big, your teeth are crooked, and for some girls the list goes on and on. What is your daughter’s mirror “saying” to her? What if she looked in the mirror and saw a reminder of who you think she is – who God thinks she is?

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I guess I was right when I imagined my daughter not cleaning that note off of her mirror. She has since written all kinds of great quotes and verses on her mirrors which have been erased and re-written…except for the note from dad. It has been almost a year and a half and that note remains.

Hopefully that reminds us of the power of our words.  Dads – your words have staying power!

 

Thanks for leaning in,

 

Kristy Fox