I was struck by the thoughts Don talked about in his blog post last Friday (click here to read his post). He started with this thought….”Most guys understand competing. We tend to keep score and keep track of our standing and rank in lots of different places and lots of different ways. We tend to do it openly and directly. As a group, men are much more likely to add up their respective wins and losses and go on their way. Our daughters will have to navigate more than Competition. They will have to face and battle Comparison. Competition is a scorecard on my performance. Comparison is a verdict on my value, and the jury is always out”
I had someone ask me if that statement was true and if many girls faced those pressures. I want to convey again that I do not speak for every female; but I want to let you know YES!! Your girls face this pressure from the time they are little and I think it’s safe to say that it is a continuous struggle for even most grown women. From an early age girls compare themselves to one another. In fact, I vividly remember my daughter telling me when she was in pre-school – 3 or 4 years old – that she was not as pretty as some of the other girls in her class. WHAT??!! Where did she get that??
I have asked the question of teenage girls… “what goes through your mind when you see a beautiful girl walk in the room?” Most girls will smirk when they hear that because they know what happens. Girls tend to size each other up, judge that person, compare ourselves, and often say or think something negative all in a matter of seconds. Why do we do that??
I am not sure if those pressures are picked up from the media, the world around us, or the enemy. But, I do believe that so much of the comparison struggle is an internal battle a woman has with herself all of the time. And – our comparison is toxic. I believe that the Lord wants us to embrace ourselves so that we can more fully embrace and appreciate others!
Dads, here’s how you can help….
Realize that your daughter sees the world with very different eyes than you do. Please help her see the beauty in herself as well as respect the beauty in others, not envy it. It is a gift to help your daughter see the beauty in who she is – inside and out. But, don’t stop there… help your daughter find the beauty in others. Ask your daughter some of the things she loves about her friends. Stop any negative talk in your home or car about other girls. Try not to compare her to her friends, her sisters, or other females in her life (she does a lot of that already). And, be mindful of the fact that your daughter may feel insecure or even threatened when they enter into a new situation. Affirm her and encourage her to be the initiator of change in her world. We will see real growth, depth, love and compassion in our girls if they can learn to love both themselves and others!.
Check this Out!! The Book is released!! The hard and soft cover books are out and e-books should be released soon. Our desire is that this book would be a tool and encouragement for you or someone you know to understand the context our girls are living in, to step into their world, and to engage in meaningful ways in their lives.
On June 15, Alan and I will conduct a two hour, interactive, live seminar at Real Life Church in Valencia. We would love to see you and your friends there. Click the banner below to get more information and get signed up.