Archives For 10 rules for dating my daughter

This blog is mostly focused on helping Dad’s engage with their daughters. The three writers (Alan, Don & Kristy) all have a particular experience and passion on the topic. However, I want to take a moment and recognize how important Mom is in the equation.

Yesterday was “Mother’s Day.” Our nation paused to celebrate Mom’s. And why not? As important as Dad is to healthy kids, Mom is every bit as important but for different reasons. My Daughter Brittany who has shown up more than once in these blog posts treated the family to an incredible day to help us celebrate my wife.

family staples

Brittany works at the Staples Center in Los Angeles where the Clippers, Lakers and Kings play their home games. She works in the sales department for their high end luxury suites and seats. She got us great seats and entrance into their exclusive “Lexus club” for an awesome brunch.

brunch

I marveled at watching my “little girl” hard at work while we were enjoying a come-from -behind Clipper game. She was pivoting between two cell phones, a handheld radio and a magnetic badge which opened otherwise locked doors. At the end, we followed her around as she visited high end clients and troubleshot “problems.”

Britt & Sharon

One of the many highlights of the day was our family meal tradition on special days. A long time ago we started a little tradition on someone’s birthday, or in this case, Mother’s Day, where we go around the table and recount the reasons why we appreciate the person of honor. We share encouraging words and thoughts of encouragement. I won’t go into their words here, but know that both of my kids had amazing words of thanks and appreciation towards Sharon. She has had such an impact on them. She has given them so much of the stuff that I never could and they are flourishing out in the real world.

Here is my challenge: In order for your wife to be all that she can be, she needs a healthy YOU in her life. She needs a strong marriage and a man who cherishes her. She will love her children no matter what, but you can empower further greatness by working hard at being the best version of yourself and your relationship. In all humility, my daughter is great. I’d like to think I had something to do with it. But I know for sure that my wife had a ton to do with it!

Maybe the best things you can do for your kids are to love, honor, respect and cherish their mother in a great way. This will be life giving for your kids and will be a great role model for what your daughter looks for in a future mate.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the phenomenal Moms reading this blog. Your role is invaluable and we love you!

Press On
Alan

Application shirt

A dad sent me this picture of his wife wearing our “Application for Dating my Daughter” shirt which is available at our store (click below). She received this for mother’s day and is proudly wearing it here!

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Are you in a difficult season with your daughter? Maybe don’t know where to begin? Want to listen, be engaged, and invest, but you can’t seem to find the words or the space?

We surveyed teenage girls and my conversations with young women recently have echoed some of the exact same sentiments. As much as they may push you away, they want you involved!

From the mouths of girls themselves……

I wish my dad knew:

“How much I love him” and

“I’m not as tough as he might think”

 

Underneath it all – your daughters love you and they know they can push, but they need you to stay the course and keep moving forward. They want you involved even though their actions may not always show it. And, you must want to grow, or you probably wouldn’t be reading this blog.

So, where to start?

3 Phrases to use more often:

“I love you”

“Thank you”

“I’m sorry”

As I talk to girls of all ages these 3 things always tend to come up. The power of these 3 phrases is incredible, especially from fathers!  I have had multiple girls echo the need to hear each of these phrases more than they do. As I see this list I know I too need to use each of these more than I do. I need to let people know with words, not just actions that I love them. I need to say “thank you” more often for everything – people in my life should know that I appreciate them and things they do (even the little things that may seem commonplace or expected). And, I need to say “I’m sorry”. The simple words “I’m sorry” can be healing, restoring, and a salve for the wounds of the heart.

Try using these 3 phrases with your daughters this week more than normal and let us know how it goes!

Kristy Fox

We can help you with Father’s Day! Hit the links below for great gifts!

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juxtaposition
— noun

“an act or instance of placing close together or side by side, especially for comparison or contrast.”

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a “Juxtapostion” that I experienced between a woman who did not have a good father and a young girl I know who has a great Father. CLICK HERE if you want to re-read the blog post. This past weekend I experienced another dramatic example of a “Juxtaposition”. Two “side by side” experiences which demonstrated a stark contrast.

On thanksgiving evening, some longtime friends got the dreaded knock on their door by two police officers. Their grim task was to inform my friends that their 25 year old son was inexplicably found dead on his couch with no obvious signs of cause. Of course they are devastated.

Then, we all learned that the 40-year old actor, Paul Walker tragically and surprisingly died in a car accident just the other day. This happened about a mile from my home. I saw a post from his daughter expressing her extreme grief and loss.

Walker

Here is the Juxtaposition….

Yesterday was the first Sunday in “Advent.” In the Christian tradition, “Advent” is celebrated the four Sunday’s before Christmas and has to do with the pending arrival of the baby Jesus. It’s a celebration of sorts. You can “google” Advent and learn all about it.

Jesus came to do the revolutionary. He came to show love to the unlovely, give hope to the hopeless. He came to be a father to the fatherless, be the friend of sinners and bring life to the dead. He is the King of the universe and came to give people the correct version of who His Father in Heaven is. He wants to know you personally and He wants you to know him intimately. He wants to work supernaturally in your life for GOOD!

It’s no wonder why one of the legendary Christmas Carols sung over and over is entitled “Joy to the World.” If you go to church at Christmas, you will sing “Joy to the world.” You will hear it in shopping malls and elevators. It will be everywhere over the next month.

Yet… two families I know of will struggle to find any joy anytime soon. The family I know well who lost their 25 year old is devastated. They are a strong family of faith, so I am sure there is an underlying thread of hope. But there is deep sorrow for sure. And it will not go away any time soon. The Walker family, whom I don’t know at all, is certainly devastated at this moment as well.

Is there joy in their world? Is God good? Is it possible to have joy, yet still be devastated?

So what is the answer? This world is messy, complicated, scary and broken. How do we raise our Daughters to be strong, confident, whole and successful in such a place? Since most of the world is preaching pain, dysfunction and hurt, I suggest you look elsewhere.

I suggest that you open up the scriptures and take them for a spin.  Being that it is now officially Christmas season, start in the book of Luke from the Bible. Read Luke chapter 2 and then just keep reading. In those pages you will find counter cultural messages that you and your daughter need to hear. Also, she needs to see her Dad pursing a deeper faith. It will encourage her and give her stability. I have seen it and heard it over and over.

Merry Christmas, and may you find true JOY in this world!
Alan

Btw- we have a little online store where we sell fun Father/Daughter merchandise. It actually came about unplanned as the result of my February Blog where I wrote about the “Rules for Dating my Daughter.” It was a joke and meant to be funny. Suddenly people wanted the shirt (that hadn’t been made yet) and away we went… So today, December 2, is “Cyber Monday” and we are having a “CYBER Monday” sale where you can get 25% off by ordering three or more items. Just click the banner below and enter “CYBER” at check out for your discount. These shirts are a tool to draw people in closer to the conversation of being a better Dad. Get yours today and get a few for the Dads you know. There are also a few fun shirts for the Daughters in your life as well

 

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