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Life is so very fragile and relationships are the things that last. How is it that I so often miss that?

I want my kids to know they are loved, really loved. I often ask myself how I can do that most effectively. I am a task oriented, list person. I want a “technique”, a “tool” or a “to do list”. So, what does the Bible say about loving others? It is not a “to do list”, it is a character list. It is a list of who we are at our core in our relationships with others. Below is a section of scripture often quoted in wedding ceremonies. Your daughter watches how you interact not just with her – but with your spouse, your co-workers, your friends, acquaintances, and family. Read this and put your name “dad” in the place of the word “love”. If you are like me, there will be many spots where it will be hard to insert my name. I fall very short of displaying love in many arenas. We are not perfect and thankfully – God’s grace is huge! Let’s pray that we can be a people, that you can be a dad, who displays, models and encompasses love in these ways to those around us that we love.

1 Corinthians 13:3-7 (The Message)

“So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up, Loves cares more for others than for self, Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have, Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first”, Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.”

Love is the best gift you can give. Love is the best use of your energy. Love is the key to all relationships! Your daughter needs to see a man that loves others well………who loves her well!

Thanks for leaning in!

Kristy Fox

 

 

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Perfectionism |pərˈfek sh əˌnizəm|

noun

Refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.

 

Perfectionism is a beautiful and dangerous trap for many young girls. It often comes camouflaged as high standards, excellence or healthy ambition. It is critical to discern the difference between what is productive and what is destructive in areas of appearance, performance and goal setting in the lives of our children.

There are a few things we can and should do with our daughters to support the productive expression of their beauty and worth.

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Check Your Own Heart and Thinking

What you model will be more important than what you say. Are you willing to acknowledge your own limitations and mistakes? A good role model is honest and open about their abilities and their limitations. If we are trying too hard to be perfect as fathers, we may become defensive when our flaws spill out. A great dad is not a perfect dad. A great dad knows that he is loved and called by a Father who is Perfect. Saint Ignatius celebrated the ability of God to, “ draw a straight line with a crooked stick.” Crooked sticks and crooked dads are always welcome in God’s family.

 

Differences Are Not Defects

Your daughter is an original. She is not a copy of anyone else. Elvis Presley began his singing career by delivering his demo records to local radio stations. A receptionist at one station asks him whom he sounded like, after a slight pause Elvis said, “me”.

Elvis was a true original, no comparison necessary. Help your daughter discover and enjoy the original beauty of her design.

 

Keep Up With the Inside

What we do matters. The why behind what we do, really matters. Exercise can be a healthy activity or a destructive obsession. Good grades can be an affirmation of ability and hard work or a stressful self-imposed marker for value and self-worth.

Attention to personal appearance can be an appropriate expression of self-care or an agonizing competition for love and acceptance. We need to keep up with our daughter’s hearts and not just their habits. Pay attention to the inside and you can enjoy and celebrate whatever is happening on the outside.

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Keep Looking Up

Perfection belongs to God alone. Our confidence, our identity and our peace are not tied to a Perfect Performance but to a Perfect Love. Lets help our daughters’ accept that they are accepted, no performance required. Let’s help them feel beautiful before they look “pretty.” Let’s help them live boldly, to take their best shot, to swing away, to dance in the kitchen, and to be gripped by joy rather than strangled by fear.  Enjoy your daughter today.

 

Grace & Peace,

Dr. Don Worcester

 

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Below is an interesting and short Ted video on 3 things a man learned through his plane crash experience.

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use this link if the video does not show up above – http://youtu.be/8_zk2DpgLCs

 

Life is short. Life is about relationships. Sometimes it takes something huge in our lives to remind us of that. Hopefully we all don’t need a plane crash to help us get back on track.

As a parent I can be short tempered, impatient, busy, and my priorities can get mixed up. This video was a good reminder for me – there are a lot of things that can feel so urgent and necessary that I tend to neglect that which is most necessary.

In my life the most necessary are my relationships with God and my family. I need to remember to live as if that’s true. Is that true of you also perhaps? Let’s take heed from someone else’s “plane crash” reminder of what is most necessary in life?

Thanks for leaning in,

Kristy

When Brittany turned 5, we had our inaugural Father/Daughter Getaway. As I was a young dad and still forming my philosophies and parenting strategies, I stumbled onto something magical. I remember it like it was yesterday when I walked into Brittany’s bedroom and announced the first ever Father/Daughter getaway. I told her that starting NOW, we were going to go on a trip together every year. I asked her where she wanted to go. I told her to think of the most fun place we could go together.

Being only 5 and living in Northern California at the time, we quickly settled on the Magic Kingdom. What better place to start this amazing tradition than Disneyland!? We recorded our Disney soundtrack to get us pumped for the 5 hour car ride. We hit the road, and sang Disney tunes the whole way to L.A.

Of course we took the obligatory picture in front of the giant Mickey made of flowers in the front of the park.This trip started a tradition that we upheld all through High School. Each year, we planned something fun together and went somewhere for a couple days. After Disneyland, we did things like hit every mall in Northern Cal completing all of our Christmas shopping (In August), horseback riding, camping and snowboarding. The granddaddy of all Father/Daughter getaways however, was Brittany and I going to Hawaii for her Spring break during her senior year.

Here is what Brittany has to say about these getaways:

“Those of you who know my dad can probably guess that horseback riding or shopping all day at the mall is not exactly on the top of his priority list, but I was, and being the amazing dad that he is, he took me on one adventure after the other and made life long memories with me.  While we had some really cool experiences together, I now understand that it was not so much what we did that had value, but it was the fact that we did them together.  In hindsight, all this time that he invested in me was building me up to become a confident, independent woman.”

Guys, take your daughters on trips. During the research for this Father/Daughter project, I heard over and over that spending this extended and concentrated time with your daughter is nothing short of “Magical,” even if you don’t go to Disneyland!

Today’s Take Away: Plan a trip with your daughter. Make sure it is at least ONE night, but more is better. Nothing can compare to the life long memories and bonding you will get from this.

After you take your trip, post a picture on our facebook page – “MyFatherDaughter.com” Make sure you subscribe to this blog at www.myfatherdaughter.com

I’d love to hear about the trip you take, drop me a note & have fun!

Alan

PS: Not long ago, I took her to Vegas to see a show. The venue of the “get a way” may change, but the principles reman constant!

 

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Man Cave

Dr. Don Worcester —  October 10, 2014 — Leave a comment

 

 

I have a good friend in Phoenix who runs a great business from a building he bought and redesigned.The

building does everything he needs it to do for his operation, but it has a bonus feature that is truly magnificent, a Man Cave.

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This room is brimming with Testosterone. I am pretty sure my T levels went up ten points the first time I walked in the door. Even the air seemed more masculine in this place. A visit to a Man Cave can be a fun and pleasant diversion.  But if you stay too long in a Man Cave, you run the risk of becoming a Cave Man.

In the Old Testament a prophet by the name of Elijah found his way to a Man Cave (I Kings 19). He had been working hard to serve his community, to do it right and to make a difference. But by the time he reached his Man Cave he was pretty wiped out, pretty discouraged and pretty done. God made an unscheduled appearance and asked a simple but significant question, ” What are you doing here Elijah?”

Elijah responded with a pattern and complaint that I recognize in myself. He began by explaining his good intentions, his hard work and his noble character. Then he complained about everyone else, their bad behavior and lousy attitudes. Finally he finished with a tragic and whiney comment about being ” the only one who cares”. These are Cave Man thoughts. They form in the dark, they take root in isolation, they are self-validating and turn us into dull brutes. Cave Men are ruled by their appetites and their fears. They are not fit company for our daughters.

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To draw Elijah from the cave, God whispered his name. This was not a Power Encounter but a Personal Encounter. He was given a simple but clear charge, ” Go back from where you came.” Elijah was encouraged and reminded that God was up to more than he knew. God is always doing more in us and through us than we perceive. So let’s go back from where we came. Let’s get up and get on with it.

Lets lose the self-endorsing chatter in our heads about our great character and noble intentions.

Let’s quit whining about the whiners.

Let’s be Joyful Saints and not Miserable Martyrs when we show up to serve.

Our Daughters deserve good men and great dads.

So enjoy a visit to your local Man Cave. Take a good deep breath and enjoy the earthy masculine dimension of your male soul.

Then head back and Man Up, we’ve got work to do.

 

Peace and Grace

Dr. Don Worcester

 

High Standards!

Alan Smyth —  October 6, 2014 — Leave a comment

I immediately loved this little “e-card” the first time I saw it. I don’t know who made it or with what intentions, but I am very sure it is spot on and deeply profound.

DaddyStandards

I wonder how many of us are keenly aware that we have a lot to say about who our daughter chooses for boyfriends and an eventual husband. Your daughter’s first, best and greatest example of how a man should treat a woman is her Daddy! She is watching, absorbing, gleaning and learning all the time. She hears what you say and what you don’t say. She sees you act and she notices your body language.

Your daughter is in your personal classroom and the main subject that is being taught is how a man should treat a woman. You are giving her the standards by which she will operate. You are giving her knowledge of what to expect or what NOT to expect.

Question: Do you want your daughter to be treated right by a boy? Then show her what it looks like to treat a woman right.

Question: Do you want her to make a great choice in a future husband? Then be a great husband and show her what one looks like.

Question: Is it possible for your daughter to have too high of standards for her future boyfriend or husband?

Make it hard for a future guy to jump over the bar because you have set the bar so incredibly high by your actions.

We’re talking about your daughter and your grand kids here!

Let’s go!

Alan

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