A while back, Benji Cowart burst onto the Social Media scene with his parody of a popular song titled “RUDE.” He rewrote a pop song origionally done by the group MAGIC! but with a protective Dad’s twist on it. Because of this blog, dozens of people shared his YOU TUBE sensation with me and said “I saw this and thought of you.”

They were correct, I loved his version and immediately began my search for this creative song writer. I found him online and we exchanged a few e-mails. I asked him if he would like to write a guest post for this blog sharing the behind the scenes story of how and why he wrote the song. Below are his words telling his story.

But first, let’s all re live the “magic” of the song that went viral. Or in case you are the one person who didn’t see it the first time, watch below and then read his words.

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In case you can’t veiw the YOUTUBE video above, hit THIS LINK.

From Benji

The first time I heard the song Rude by the band Magic!, it was recommended to me by a friend but not because of the lyric, but because of the guitar tone on the solo. Its’ always about the tone.  And he was right, the lead guitarist for Magic! has an amazing guitar tone.  It was only after listening to the song a couple of times before I started catching the story in the lyric and more specifically, the “I’m gonna marry her anyway” line.

I don’t know if it’s due to the consistent portrayal of dad’s as total boobs in the media or it’s the constant theme in the news headlines of dad’s just having to put up with blatant disrespect and not being able to do anything about it, but something rose up in me when I heard that lyric.  The song is so brilliantly hooky that I couldn’t get it out of my head and I started singing it around the house but started messing with the lyrics to make my kids laugh (which is a common “dad joke” around our house.)

The more I messed with it, the more I realized that what I was singing was kinda funny. So I looked the entire song lyric up online and downloaded Magic!’s version (paid for it…which by the way, if you’re not paying for music that you download, you are stealing it…rant over).  From there, I channeled my inner redneck and re-wrote the entire song to give a comically exaggerated version of a how the dad might respond to a young man saying “I’m gonna marry her anyway”.

The aftermath

So as I write this blog entry, the youtube video that I posted of Rude (A Dad’s Response) has over 11 million views. In the two weeks after posting it, we were phone/facetime interviewed by multiple national news affiliates, the video has been shown on all kinds of major internet websites, and it even got played on Good Morning America.  Maybe the most interesting part of this journey has been the conversation on the Youtube comments section (which I only recommend to a mature audience because it is not for the faint of heart).  I have gotten plenty of negative comments ranging from young men outright challenging me to a fight, to other Christians calling me a hypocrite because I am claiming to be a Christian who is advocating murder. IT’S A PARODY PEOPLE!!!

But there has also been an overwhelming amount of positive comments ranging from dads saying “Yes, I have a baby daughter but you just gave me a theme song for when she’s old enough to date” to comments from adult daughters saying “I am a divorcee and I wish my dad had stepped up like that when I was dating my ex-husband”.

Benji Fam

More importantly, with both negative and positive comments, there has been a conversation. A worthy conversation about dads and daughters and young men and respect.  That conversation alone has made this whole thing worth it.

As a dad, I will always protect my daughter. I hope I’ll never have to be in a situation where I’d have protect my daughter to the point of taking a life but I do know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I would give my life for that little girl.  Hopefully, if I love her as I should and treat her like the treasure that she is, then the bar will be high for the kind of man that she will be drawn to some day.

Benji Cowart

 

Benji can be found on facebook and I-tunes where you can enjoy other recordings of his muisc.

 

If you want to look deeper into the convesation of raising a healthy daughter, pick up our book, “Prized Possession” by hitting the link below. We also have a fun store  to pick up some Daddy/Daughter gear.

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Relational Physics

Dr. Don Worcester —  September 12, 2014 — Leave a comment

The early history of aviation included lots of trials and errors in

designing and building a functional flying machine. Most of these

early designs failed, sometimes at great cost. These early designers

did not fully understand the Physics of flight. Their designs were

often based on their imagination, their inspiration and their

aspiration. All of these designs were subject to the

same criteria and conditions. In aviation, success and failure are

immediate and obvious, it either flies or it crashes.

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There is one kind of Physics that governs airplanes, there is another type

that governs relationships. These Relational Physics determine what flies and what crashes in our most important relationships with one another. Some people design their relationships with great imagination, with great inspiration and with very good aspiration. Sadly many of these relationships still crash. There are Physics at work in how we love, care and connect with one another. Some things set our relationships up to fly, other things set them up to crash. Here are three Rules that govern Relational Physics with your daughter.

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Number One:

Love Comes Before Change. Love in very large and consistent doses has

the power and potential to create Heart felt change. The promise of

love if and when change happens is a form of behavior management. This

kind of “Change” always crashes when you run out of carrots or sticks.

 

Number Two:

There is no Intimacy without Vulnerability. Extending trust, sharing

your feelings and offering forgiveness will make you vulnerable to hurt,

disappointment and violation. It will also open you and the relationship to a deeper sense of genuine connection. We can always stay Safe, we can always stay in Control, but these instincts will ground us not launch us.

Vulnerability lets us connect with one another and that let’s us Fly.

 

Number Three:

Relationships Require Attention and Maintenance. Great relationships

require a level of consistent attention, this is not a matter of

defect but one of design. Relationship and airplanes both defy gravity

which means pilots and parents are facing High Risk/ High Reward

scenarios every day. It is wise and it is good to be attentive in

maintaining something or someone that matters this much.

The Wright Brothers stayed at it until they got airborne. They earned

a place in His-story. You and I can win a place in Her-story. Let’s

stay it!

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Peace and Grace,

Dr. Don Worcester.

 

To continue the conversation, pick up our book “Prized Possession”

 

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Because I Said I Would

kristyfox —  September 10, 2014 — Leave a comment

i said

 

I love when people share about practical ways they are engaging in purposeful interactions with their daughters!

Recently my friend let me know that there was a great article on Southwest airlines (Spirit magazine) that had prompted another friend of his to move to action. The article was about a man named Alex Sheen who lost his father to cancer and has channeled his grief into a nonprofit/global social movement called “Because I Said I Would” and the power of making a commitment and sticking to it.

The article says that Sheen spent an hour trying to remember a single promise his father had failed to keep and came up empty. He said, “If you can’t think of a single thing, that’s the lesson your dad was trying to teach you.”

Sheen distributes small white cards with the words “Because I said I would” and people write something on them as their “word” and hand to someone else to be given back when completed.

In the case of my friend, the man reading this article had told his daughter that he would take her to San Francisco, but it had never happened. He found a white board at home and wrote to his daughter:

Taking you to San Francisco

Because I said I would.

 

I love this! It is important for your daughters to have a man in their life who is a man of their word. It is important to model that for your kids.

 

Jesus himself said in Matthew 5:37 “Simply let your “yes” be a “yes” and your “no”, “no”.”

 

No more empty promises. Let’s be people that do what we say we will do. What a great lesson for our kids.

 

Thank you to the many men out there who are being incredible examples to their families and making a difference.

 

Thanks for Leaning in,

 

Kristy Fox

 

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Don’t Give Up The Ship!

Alan Smyth —  September 8, 2014 — 1 Comment

In the summer of 1991 I might have received the most powerful bit of advice I have ever had. As a Young Life leader, I have taken kids to dozens of Young Life camps. Among all the fun, adventure and humor resides a powerful Gospel proclamation. We usher kids into significant life altering conversations.

1991 was a year that I took kids from Gunderson High School in San Jose to camp. We had a bus full of high school kids ready to have the best week of their life. As the first “club” meeting concluded on the first night, the camp speaker asked a series of questions. Among the questions were those regarding families. One of the questions was “what is something you wish you could change about your family?” Every single girl from the club I led answered the same. They said that their relationship with their dad was the thing they most wish they could change.

I was blown away. My own daughter was only 3 at the time and I couldn’t imagine not having a great relationship with her. I couldn’t imagine not being connected and in relationship with her when she was in high school. At the end of the week, I was determined to get more information. I knew these girls pretty well and so I gathered them together on the bus ride home. I started drilling them with all kinds of questions about their relationship with their dad. I told them that I wanted to make sure that in 15 years, I would have a great relationship with my Brittany. I needed to know what I should do and not do.

These girls said that I needed to stay engaged with her. They encouraged me to stay close no matter what. They were honest in saying that they were brats at times and sometimes pushed their dad’s away. However, they said even if Brittany pushes me away, DON’T GIVE UP! Keep pushing. Stay close even if she is a brat. They told me that even if my daughter said otherwise, that she needed me and will need me even more as she grew older.

That was all I needed to fuel the next 15 years in my relationship with my daughter. I was determined to start while she was young and stay close throughout her adolescence. No matter what…… I was not giving up.

Today’s take away: Don’t give up! Start now; stay close, even if she pushes you away. Or perhaps has already pushed you away. Maybe you have already considered yourself OUT. Forget it! Get back in the game. Get close to your daughter. Start small if you have too. Don’t give up!

See our website: www.myfatherdaughter.com for helpful resources and to subscribe to this blog.

Don’t give up!

Alan

 

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Braveheart

Dr. Don Worcester —  September 5, 2014 — Leave a comment

My oldest son started playing basketball in preschool. In Kindergarten he was in a little sports league with other 5 and 6 year old kids. The games were on Saturday morning at the local Elementary school. These were generally pretty high-energy low scoring events. The kids played with great enthusiasm, the parents’ cheered for effort and attitude and occasionally someone made a basket. All the games wrapped up with High Fives, pictures and plenty of popsicles.

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One Saturday morning we played a team who actually scored points on a somewhat regular basis. This was a little shocking and dis-heartening to our players and fan base. By the Fourth quarter they were clobbering our team 12 to 0. With two minutes left to play we were more than ready to call this game and break out the popsicles. As the clock hit the one-minute mark the opposing team drained a final basket. This was a Game-Over moment for just about all the players and the fans.

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With the clock ticking one of our players ran to the Official and called urgently for a timeout. This was a surprise move that neither the coaches nor the fans anticipated. He quickly huddled up the team. “ We need a new plan,” he shouted to the boys. “Yeah a new plan” they shouted back with enthusiasm. The whole gym was now watching and waiting to hear the new plan that would turn things around this late in the game. This young Mel Gibson turned to his weary troops and shouted from deep in his bowels, “ Let’s get Gooder! ” His team mates erupted and began chanting with great conviction and passion, “ Let’s get Gooder…Let’s get Gooder “

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Since this is just a blog and not a Disney movie, I don’t feel too much pressure to report a miraculous ending to the game that day. I do remember that the popsicles were very good. The war cry however has stuck with me, “Let’s get Gooder!” There is something very right about forgetting the scoreboard, the missed shots and the uncertain fans. Sometimes as men, both big and little we need to huddle up and shout together that we are going to Get Gooder.

 

As dads, lets Get Gooder at:

Knowing what makes our daughters smile, cry and laugh

Modeling great marriages while we work on our Dad game

Taking our best shot, even if we haven’t hit the backboard in a while

Praying boldly and living humbly, a kind spirit will cover clumsy technique

Keeping courage in our hearts, our eyes on the ball and our head in the game.

 

Scoreboards, time clocks and fans are all off the field. You and I are on the field.

So let’s play hard, have fun and finish strong. There will be plenty of High Fives and Popsicles waiting for us all at the Buzzer.

 

Grace & Peace

Dr. Don Worcester

 

 

by Michelle Watson, PhD, LPC

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 (Now and then we have a guest post by a friend to this blog. Over this last year, we came to know Dr. Michelle Watson. She is doing phenominal work with Dad’s and is excited to share some thoughts with us. Also, see the note below announcing her first book which is being released TODAY! A great READ and should be picked up by eveyone who has a daughter)

 

Before I dive into clarifying this blog title I figured a little backstory might be helpful. I am now in my fifth decade of life (which is crazy because I don’t feel that old!), the oldest of four girls, and have spent my entire adult life ministering to girls and women in various contexts.  All this basically means is that after more clock hours than I can count I have a pretty good idea of what we girls want from the men in our lives, particularly our dads.

I often hear fathers tell me that their daughters are complicated and complex, especially when they hit adolescence.  I do get that but want to say something that might shock you:  we’re really not all that “un-figure-out-able.”  (Insert laughter).  I’m hoping to give you a few pointers that literally come from one story in Scripture that will assist you in decoding your precious girl, particularly in those times when things are emotionally intense.

I’m sure you’ve heard of two sisters, Martha and Mary, who were dear friends of Jesus. This means he knew them and they knew him.  Up close and personal.  For better or worse.

Let’s pick up the story at the point where Martha is overly reactive, super stressed, overwhelmed, and basically freaking out.  (Luke 10:38-42).  Does any of that ever describe your daughter, especially if she is traveling through “juvenile puberty,” a season that Dr. James Dobson describes as lasting at least five years where high levels of estrogen lead to significantly unstable and reactive moods, thinking patterns, and behaviors?

If you can relate, watch what Jesus (with his male energy) does to enter the fray with his frazzled female friend. 1.  He lets her vent to Him while He listens to all of it. Even when she dramatically tells Jesus that he “doesn’t care” (false assumptions always take place during “Category 5” meltdowns), in a self-absorbed way she continues by crying about having to do everything “by myself.” And if that wasn’t enough, she then barks at Jesus and demands that he tell her sister to help her.  Excuse me!  Doesn’t she know that you don’t talk to the King of the Universe like that?!  Now bringing it closer to home:  Does any of this sound familiar, especially during those times when your daughter talks to you with that tone or attitude?

 

  1. He says her name twice….gently and lovingly.

There’s something calming about hearing your name.  It’s grounding for us girls. If you speak your daughter’s name with love in your tone, she will come towards you.  You can even try saying something endearing like “honey” or “sweetheart.”

 

  1.   He sits with her in her emotional reality.

Notice that he doesn’t try and talk her out of what she’s feeling or try to get her to think rationally. No lecture. No criticism.  Jesus knows that she couldn’t hear it anyway.  He simply stays with her, looks at her, validates her, and puts words to what she’s feeling, calling it “worry” and “upset.”  He tenderly names her emotions.

 

  1.   He highlights all that is on her life plate.

As girls we are wired to multi-task.  That’s why we can talk on the phone, paint our nails, watch a show, and do homework…all at the same time!  Yet all of a sudden we reach our max and then comes the explosion.  Again, this is where we need gentle grace not power positions.  Jesus just told Martha that he knew she had “many things” going on, leading to her melt down.  How kind of him to notice.

 

5. He directs her to focus on one thing. 

Jesus tells her that “only one thing is needed.”  The implication is that it’s about focusing on Him as the one thing rather than all the needs around her.  When we girls get overwhelmed with the much, we need gentle, supportive guidance to take it one thing at a time.  Breaking it down into bite size pieces is immensely helpful when we’re breaking down.

Summing up:  When your daughter is melting down sit alongside her and listen to her vent, move towards her and lovingly say her name. Tell her that you understand that she is “worried and upset.”  Let her know you do see that she has a lot on her plate, and assist in helping her to focus on one thing.

 

I know it’s easier said than done but these five things will make all the difference in the eye of the storm when you are there trying to keep up with her complexity.  And after the storm has passed, the main thing your daughter will remember is that you Dad were there with her in it.

Watson book

Michelle’s first book will be released on September 1, 2014 – TODAY! as a resource to help dads with daughters entitled Dad, Here’s What I Really Need From You:  A Guide to Connecting with Your Daughter’s Heart.  You can read more about The Abba Project, her ministry to dads, at www.drmichellewatson.com.

If you want to pick up this book, CLICK HERE