I never met Fred Evans, but I wish I had. I recently learned of his courageous actions and now you will too!

Fred got a bad Doctors report regarding a terminal melanoma. Fred had two single daughters and wanted to give them a memory of a life time.  He had the idea that he wanted to walk them down the aisle, give them a blessing and create a memory that would outlive him. He told his daughters to meet him at the church but arrive 45 minutes apart.

Fred 2

After a few quiet moments with each daughter, he then walked them down the aisle in front of a few friends and family.

Fred 4

Upon reaching the alter, he gave them a blessing and they shared a sacred moment. He gave them away to the son in law he hadn’t yet met. Everyone there knew that Fred would not be present at his daughter’s wedding. This was a powerful moment!

Fred 3

Fred was not going to miss the momentous occasion of walking his daughters down the aisle. And we was not going to leave that void in his daughters life.

After this amazing event happened, he then surprised his wife as they renewed their vows in this makeshift wedding ceremony.

Fred 1

Not long after this incredible ceremony, Fred lost his battle. However, his loved one’s were given an incredible gift they will never forget.

If you are brave and have a couple minutes. Watch the video of this ceremony. CLICK HERE to watch this video. Don’t miss this!

Ok, let me hit the slow pitch soft ball. I’m sure if Fred were here, he would say something like this:  “Live your life as if it’s going to end soon….. Because it just might.” If you were to get a similar Doctors report as Fred’s, would you have lots of regrets? Sad, shocked and upset for sure. But would there be a ton of unfinished business with your loved ones? Would your kids know for sure how much you loved them? Every now and then we are forced to reckon with our mortality. Take a little inventory. This is one of those times. Let’s pretend you just found out you have 3 months to live. What would you do? Who would you spend time with? What would you want to say to those you love?

Ok, one more slow pitch softball…. Now go do and say those things. And let’s pray that Doctor’s report never comes. Then you are a double winner! 

Go For It!

Alan

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Twinkle,Twinkle

Dr. Don Worcester —  August 15, 2014 — Leave a comment

There are few things in this life that are as exciting, terrifying, humbling and joyful as being a dad with a daughter. We are on a journey far above our pay grade. Our baby girls will grow into big girls. Our big girls will grow into young ladies. Our young ladies will grow into young adults. How will they navigate all the disappointments, opportunities, dangers and delights in this process of discovering and becoming themselves? How will they navigate the uncertain and unfamiliar terrain on this journey?

 

All navigation relies on the availability of some fixed, visible and reliable reference point. Before there was Google Maps, G.P.S. Technology or Route 66, there was the North Star. The North Star is a Pole Star. Other stars appear to move over time and seasons. The North Star is stubborn and steady in the night sky. Travelers have historically found their way by simply looking up into the sky and finding the North Star.

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So here is the wild part for us fathers. God has called us to be the visible, reliable, stubborn and steady true North Stars in our daughters’ lives. So like it or not, ready or not, believe it or not, we need to get our shine on. If you do not feel like “ Star Material,” get over it; if you do not feel ready for “Prime Time Parenting,” sorry but it is ShowTime. If you think that there are people more qualified than you, you’re probably right and it does not matter. What matters is that you and I show up to be with our daughters and for our daughters on this journey. If you don’t feel bright enough to be your daughter’s North Star, take heart – we are all a little short on Candle Power. You don’t need to be a Superstar to be a North Star.

 

Here’s a quote from the Universe Today website.

“Firstly, you might expect one of the most famous stars in the night sky to be one of the brightest, but it isn’t; not by a long shot. The North Star shines with a humble brightness that belies its navigational importance.”

http://www.universetoday.com/24193/what-is-the-north-star/#ixzz2ZFBqowD

 

The lyrics below were first published in 1806. Jane Taylor wrote them in a poem called “ The Star.”  The melody was published in 1761 and was later arranged by Mozart. The English lyrics have five stanzas although only the first is widely known. Listen to these simple and true words.

 

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

 

When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.

 

Then the traveller in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains peep,
     For you never shut your eye,
‘Till the sun is in the sky.

     As your bright and tiny spark,
Lights the traveller in the dark.

Though I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

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Shine On!

Grace and Peace,

Dr. Don Worcester

Who Are Your 5?

kristyfox —  August 13, 2014 — Leave a comment

village

I have often heard the phrase “it takes a village” in reference to raising kids, but now that my kids are in their pre-teen and teenage years I have been increasingly aware of how important that is. I have realized what a gift it is to have other adults who treat my daughter with respect, talk to her about life, show her what a good man looks like, give her input and advice, help answer questions, echo some of what we are saying at home, and people she can go to if it’s not us.

Dads – you are enormously influential in the lives of your daughter and your voice is larger than you can imagine in their life. But also realize that you can and should enlist others to help you in this journey.

There has been a lot of research to back up the “village” concept recently (Fuller Youth Institute has some great research in this, and a great book called Sticky Faith) which talks abut the importance of several other adults speaking into the lives of our young people. It shows that young people who have at least 5 healthy, caring adults surrounding them in the form of relatives, coaches, youth leaders, family friends, counselors, etc have a much better chance of being healthy themselves.

It doesn’t all depend on you! That should be a relief! The weight is not all on you – get some help.

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Who are “your 5″? Who can you enlist to join with you in the journey of raising your daughter?

We need female and male voices of all ages speaking truth and value to our girls in this world we live in. What if your daughter had at least 5 adults in her life speaking things that the culture out there is not telling her? It is not completely foolproof – but I believe the chances of our daughters surviving and thriving in the world they live in will definitely increase.

 

Let’s do this!!! Let’s start changing what our girls are hearing and rally a “village” around them.

 

Thanks for engaging!

 

Kristy Fox

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Hey, I also have a Son

Alan Smyth —  August 11, 2014 — Leave a comment

Last week I heard some feeback from someone who read our book “Prized Possession.” He said that he loved the book and found it very helpful and encouraging. He relayed two questions to me through our mutual friend. He said:

1. The guy who wrote the book (ME) only has one daughter. I have two. How do I do all the trips and things with more than one daughter?

2. The guy who wrote the book (Again, ME) has a son. I’d like to know how he handled all the extra attention he gave his daughter concerning his son.

I will address the multiple daughter scenario in a later blog. This week, I will briefly speak on the dynamic of also having a son.

If you have taken the time to examine our website found at www.myfatherdaughter.com you may have stumbled across the “About” page where my bio is found along with a couple of family pictures. I have had the honor to raise one of each kind. My awesome daughter Brittany is now 26 and thriving in downtown Los Angeles. However, I do have a son as well. “Trevor” just turned 22 and is a student at the United States Naval Academy. He was recruited there to play football.

at football game

 

So here is how I handled my desire to give my daughter special and intentional attention as she grew up. Brittany is 4.5 years older than Trevor. So when we had the first FATHER/DAUGHTER GET AWAY, he was just a new born. He was oblivious to my special actions with my daughter for several years. However, the day came when he began to understand that Brittany and I were going away overnight and doing fun stuff together.

Mud pic

 

He started asking about his “get away.” At about 4 years old, he was wondering when he and I would go do fun stuff together. I couldn’t very well keep taking Brittany on fun outings and not do the same thing for him. So it began…. The “Father/Son Get Away.” The same principle’s continued. We brainstormed things to do that would be fun for HIM. It is not the specifics that matter that much. It is the principle of spending one-on-one time with your kids that is magical. We went to baseball games, camping, amusement parks and snow-boarding.

ESPYS

 

So the answer is pretty uncomplicated as it turns out. Your son needs intentional and concentrated time from you as well. It might look different than your daughter’s time, but it is every bit as important. I encourage you to pick up our book “Prized Possession.” In chapter 3, I go into the assault on our girls. The truth is that there is a full scale war being waged in the media and entertainment industry for the hearts and actions of our boys as well. They are targets and they MUST have a trusted older male in their lives to guide them to the path of authentic man hood. As strongly as I can urge you to love and protect your daughter, I want to urge you to guide and train your young boy in the ways of life, women and work. My son’s life verse which he got from a Father/Son group we did with two buddies is 2 Timothy 4:7-8. Look it up! Based on the verse, he tattooed “FIGHT, FAITH, FINISH” on his side.

Press on

Alan

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Hard and Good

Dr. Don Worcester —  August 8, 2014 — Leave a comment

In today’s Cultural Dictionary there is one definition for hard; Hard is bad.

Hard is unpleasant, hard is inconvenient, hard is difficult, hard is bad. That working definition of Hard tends to shape and form the questions we ask ourselves about achieving the Good Life. If hard is always bad, then it will never really fit with anything we call good, including a Good Life. This puts a pretty big target on all things labeled or experienced as hard. We can avoid hard things, delay hard things and dismiss hard things because they are Hard and we all know, Hard is Bad. Unlike hard itself, this is extremely convenient. Today‘s Post Modern Wisdom believes pretty strongly that no person in search of a Good life should be asked or expected to embrace or endure the inherent badness of Hard.

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We have not always defined hard this way. Sigmund Freud the rather famous father of Psychoanalysis has been credited and critiqued for his many observations of the Psyche the Soul and the unconscious dynamics of Human Relationships. Freud believed that two primary markers were reliable indicators of Healthy Adult Functioning.

1)    The ability to delay gratification

2)    The ability to work and contribute in a consistent and meaningful way

Freud’s markers for basic health were not easily attained in his days or in ours. Some would even characterize these expectations as Hard. Feel free to lie back on your couch and think about that for a minute.

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We can find an even older perspective on this topic from a letter written to the Hebrews in the first century. In Chapter 12 of that letter the author writes:

No discipline seems pleasant at the moment, but painful. Later on, however it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

 This older wisdom and older truth suggest that not all Hard is the same. Hard is always hard, but we have to look a little closer and dig a little deeper to discern between the hard that is destructive and the hard that is productive. Bad relationships are almost always hard but not all hard relationships are bad. Bad jobs are usually hard but not all hard jobs are bad. Bad times are predictably hard but not all hard times are bad.

We are teaching our daughters every day how to live, how to love, how to learn and how to sort through the hard things that are part of this Good and Messy life called Home.

Are you teaching your daughter how to discern the Hard and Bad from the Hard and Good?

How are you doing at modeling this in your own life?

If you are a dad with a daughter, you have to get this part right. If you need some help then get it. A dad who gets help to do a better job with his family is a Hero and a Warrior a dad who doesn’t is an Idiot and a Fool. And that is my best Hard and Good advise for all of us.

 

Grace and Peace

Dr. Don Worcester

 

Playing Goalie

kristyfox —  August 6, 2014 — Leave a comment

My brother sent me this clip from the TV show The Middle – it’s funny and also a great reminder. Part of the job of a dad is to lovingly play “goalie” in the lives of their daughters. Help protect them from the things that come at them through the day. Things from media, to bullying, to pressure to conform, to music, to boys. Our daughters may be strong, confident, and self-reliant; yet, there is still something beautiful and important about the knowledge that your dad is there to stand by you and help defend you against some of the things that come at you. We can’t protect our daughters against everything out there, but we can help provide a bit of a shield.

In this way men, you also help reflect God the Father. He loves us and although hardships come our way – we know that He stands firmly by our side, He does and will defend us, and we can trust Him to help us through tough situations.

Thanks for leaning in!

Kristy Fox

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